If I Had To Start Sober From Day One,This Is What Id Do
An hour away so they definitely weren't going to come rescue me again. That far away and Uber didn't exist so that wasn't an option. I just felt trapped. They wanted me to drink. I didn't know what to do. I was stuck with them for the next several hours. I didn't want it to be horrible and uncomfortable. And of course I had zero coping skills and I was so insecure and codependent. I didn't WanNa make everyone else uncomfortable by me not drinking so in a split second instant gratification decision. I decided to drink and I knew it was my last night drinking for the rest of my life and I drank like a lunatic. This is exactly the scenario that I warn you about with social situations right remember. I did that holiday episode Staying Sober during the holidays in social situations. And I gave you guys a checklist of all the things to do to protect your sobriety in those situations and that night I did not protect myself at all. I didn't do any of those things I was not prepared. And that left me vulnerable and as usual if I leave myself. Vulnerable Alcohol will win. Alcohol will always win if you aren't prepared if you don't protect yourself don't expect other people to protect you. It's not their responsibility. It's yours you protect you just like me in that moment like I thought because I had crashed my car drunk. I thought there's no way they're gonNA expect me to drink right. I just made this crazy assumption that I was totally inaccurate because they didn't know how I was feeling on the inside. They didn't know how horrible I fell. Right they were just in party mode. I have to protect me. You protect you. Don't be passive and try to make it other people's job to do the work for you. It's no one's responsibility to do or say things to make sure that you are comfortable or to accommodate you right. It's nice if they do but it's not their place. It's your place to make sure you are comfortable. It's your place to decline invitations to places or events that may not be the best spot for you so after that night I was so disappointed in myself and I was so soup or disappointed in the people I hung out with because I couldn't believe they let me drink like it was their job to worry about my sobriety. I I was so ridiculous and immature. I also felt extremely unsafe. Because I had foolishly thought that this small group of basically strangers I was with. I thought they would support me not drinking. And that's not what happened and I felt very mistrusting of people at that point and I had a week to lay around my house. Detoxing again and letting my face. He'll a little bit that I was thinking only about being sober. I never wanted another drink. I was angry at alcohol. I was angry at how out of control it made me. I was angry that it was okay. Killing me like alcohol didn't care if I died and I knew it was my number one enemy so when I say the first thing I would do is work on my head. This is what I mean. Get clear in your head about what you are doing. I mean think about it journal about it have a conversation with the committee Intel. It what you are doing and how you are doing it. Be Resolute in your decision. No S make a commitment in part two of starting with your head is starting to change all the negative thoughts when you WanNa to tell yourself how hard it's going to be or how awful it's going to be or you'll never have fun again. Are Your friends won't be your friends anymore. When you hear your head telling you meetings are weird. You're not as bad as those people in life will suck without alcohol. Or what will you do at your wedding without alcohol or on your or New Year's Eve you have to turn all this shit around in. Stop torturing yourself first of all if it sucked to be sober. There wouldn't be millions of sober people all over the world like we're doing okay. You know if a was so terrible there wouldn't be tens of millions of members across the globe. Stop trying to degrade a because you're scared..