Sex Positivity Throughout the Lifespan


Thank you so much for joining us today on you. Thank you. I'm excited I'm glad to be here you. So you are affectionately known as the southern sexologists. Yes. That's like my brand name and I love it. It took me a few years to develop in design on it actually based on some of the ideas around the southerner and when that looks like and I'm originally from Brooklyn but my family's from. North Carolina's. So it was also like is this part of my identity and upset I think yes live here long enough. I'm definitely into that and so I started by were actually from a prevention Lynn's in sexuality looked doing work around HIV SEI information education, and then literally I remember the year in two thousand, three half finished my masters and I started working on a project for persons living with HIV and AIDS. To, talk about intimacy and sensuality, and disclosing realizing you just because you have a diagnosis of conditions, HIV or aid does it mean to stop being a sexual being and so like all my worlds collide it because here I was challenging aspects of my prevention side with aspects around holistic approach to sexuality and so fast forward just adopted the name southern sexologist when committed to doing work that was more sex. Positive and embracing sexually Walker Likes Fan So that's a really interesting point that you bring up. Just the idea of even talking about six as a southerner right and you know I think that the discussion around sex and sexuality can be difficult for lots of different people but it definitely feels like there's something about being in the south that makes it even more ZANU. Can you talk a little about that? Absolutely. You know. So my family is originally from eastern North Carolina that's where our family roots I, and so we have been challenged both in my immediate family and then cousins around talking about sex sexuality growing up in a Christian household like literally walked to church when I moved to North Carolina. That's how we've been treated with across the street from my house and while I appreciate some of the values and the. Impact that my church in my religion had on my life. It was also some of the ways our challenge in my own worldview around sex sexuality and I didn't have words for a young age some things that I would hear feel right in Audie in just made me feel sad and I didn't know why until later and so in my family again, we had person's family members cousins who passed away from HIV. And AIDS in the eighties and nineties and no one will talk about it. It was just so taboo and it's Kinda like much. You put two and two together. You realize what was happening and then when you try to talk to somebody about it, they wouldn't want to talk to you about even as professional. So to this day, there's two people who passed away in my family that subset of my family. Will Not talk about the cause of death Yeah. So it it definitely does feel like some of those kind of religious backgrounds intertwined with these conversations that even makes it more difficult to discuss and I think religion is a core element of the south thing. There's a lot historical aspects of life wise that even true within also think about when I say southern Kinda like that idea of Prim proper nece in. What you should be talking like, what are the words that are coming out of your mouth in public? So one of the topics that are appropriate to be talking about whether it's in school or Church, or even in your home in front of other people who aren't your immediate family very good point and that kind of reminds me of something you said earlier just the idea of a more holistic approach. So sex education, and so can you talk a little bit about that right? So the way I look at it and there's a model entitled those circles sexuality it was made most famous by Dennis daily, but he wasn't the originator of this model and some people don't like it but I think it's a good way to start I like to use it when I'm teaching for myself is that you know we are. Sexual beings across different aspects in this model has five areas which include sensuality, intimacy, sexual, and reproductive health sexualization, and than sexual identity and I think as we go through our lives in through development would probably get the most information on sexual health and reproduction, and even that has its limitations you know you might learn about body parts, breath control, and sti prevention, etc. You know kind of confined there but oftentimes. We don't talk about how our sense bring us pleasure. You know like when you taste something really good and I love when people say something better than sex 'cause obviously nightly for them. What something tastes so good brings you so much pleasure or hearing something that can resume and make you feel good. So ultimately, we had to look at sex from those different areas including our sense is another area I don't think. We talk about is intimacy. I often ask my class like how do you think somebody might get catfish like I can't believe that someone would fall for that but we don't really talk about the desire that people have for intimacy in not just physical intimacy like just connection with your friends with your family. The reason why so many people are like glued even social media now because they are not able to. Physically be with folks, but they can connect socially in have intimate conversations even on social media and then sexualization we probably talk about that next after sexual reproductive health because we do want to protect each other especially children from predators, etc always about sexualization to from that negative side of sexual assault sexual abuse. But there are some good sides to like flirting and you know just using power dynamics in your intimate. Partner relationship so I love that Model I. Know there probably are other models out there but I think it helps us look at it from the time we're born until the time we die we're sexual beings in that the whole is of us. Okay. So I, think you cover for the circles. was there a fifth one? All all the fifth one is important to sexual identity because that's that's the one that. Says who am I? How do I show up? How do I wanna be seen or perceived, and how things we can't control is how do people see an perceiver like art expression sexual identity so not to go on so much I think about you asking me about southern route. So when I think about sexual identity so I'm old school and when I was in college, it was like boys to men era in. Baggy Pants I. Literally went into the air quotations, men's department and purchase ties on sales in but in downs and our baseball caps and I remember going home on one of our college breaks and one of my classmates friends was like, why do you always wear those ball cats you better not come home again after being in college we are in a ball cap and asks thinking why don't you like what I have? On was she was really addressing my gender identity imagine expression because for her I was presenting in a masculine way a young lady shouldn't just like that. So she actually came from me during that time and it stuck with me about if we believe in the binary or subscribe to you that it's Kinda like melnace in female nece and how you show up in the world and you get to choose that you get. You get to express yourself the way you want to express

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