Married to the Movement



I was fifteen. And sean you. You're seventeen right when we first met. And we were both in church in lexington kentucky and we met just so you. I asked me for my number at the watch night service and those who long before that though. Yeah but watch night services a tradition in the back this church maybe other churches actually not just baptist but is it a particularly black thing. I don't know watch night services where you just you watch the new year. Come in you're at church at midnight and there's like a church service and then afterwards there's normally a dinner or breakfast being served. It's a really awesome time. That was the first time you actually from my number. But you're right. We have met before then. Just seen each at church and out. I'll let you tell the story of how you became immediately smitten with. I didn't notice what s where you were going. But and i saw this girl who seemed like she was running things she really was the sunday school secretary but not just for children like for the whole sunday school at the church and i remember just thinking to myself. Who is this young girl. That is running everything. She was super spunky and she always warlike creative hats and had a lot of style. So you just pique my interest. But at that time she and i both always kept a boyfriend and girlfriend and so she was dating. Somebody and i was dating somebody. But i i was pretty interested in her. It took me almost six months to kind of build up the nerve to to get her number and then even very slow moving. I was interested in you for really from the first moment that we started talking to each other and john would show up at choir rehearsals and stuff for no good reason. He didn't sing. He wasn't in the choir. I was but i guess they didn't have anything better to do it. His time on a thursday night and so he would come and we were like chitchat. And even after you asked for my number. And i gave it to you like it took forever to to ask me out. I think you were shy. I was slow. Maybe i was a bit shy. But i think some of it was. I had just grown to be like a super private person at that point in time. And so i'd have to even go back in time and reimagined what i was thinking but once we got started we were super committed to each other in super into each other. After that we went on our first date. I was a sophomore in high school. John was a senior and then he left to go to morehouse college in atlanta. And i was still stuck in kentucky waiting to graduate high school and then i would go to atlanta to attend spellman. We dated long distance for two years and it will never not amaze me that we maintained long distance relationship s. sixteen and eighteen year old and he was in atlanta the city of lag. Black excellent surrounded by all these beautiful women and still somehow interested in little me backing kentucky. But he was and we made it and about two years into college. Actually we got married because the baby came. I actually our oldest birch out candy. She was born my sophomore year. Now she was born junior year at spelman and we got married before she was born. Just to be sure we weren't total heathen we have been raised in church and so that was like a requirement before that baby gets here. You better be married so we did get married and had kendy and so we were super young parents. I tell everybody. I had a husband and a baby and i couldn't even drink yet. I wasn't even twenty one years old kids really and when you're in college in this kind of in between stage of childhood and adulthood and we hardly knew how to provide for ourselves sauce doing airport security and we were still going to school fulltime which was a struggle. We both struggled to finish college. We did when we knew in part. Not just that we wanted to do it but we knew act to to make a life in a living for ourselves that we were going to have to finish school but it was brutally difficult to do that with a young family. And when we were doing this in two thousand and one it was particularly in the college environment where we were more house than spelman are super traditional and it was kind of frowned upon in a way to be a young parent. Mba student for sure. Nobody was saying anything overtly necessarily but we were aware now you see videos and things go viral of professors holding babies while they're trying to concentrate in class and that was not our experience like me walking around bully nine months pregnant. I don't remember anybody else who was doing that. Yeah it was really difficult. It was alienating in some ways our lives completely changed pretty much at every stage of life. Man not tell people now. I really can't separate my whole adulthood from being a father and rain. I've been parents literally almost every year of our adult life and so our entire journey of even self-discovery in our twenties of trying to understand what either one of us grew up in a household where we saw healthy marriages and healthy relationships kind of had to struggle and sometimes flounder and figure those things out on our own and one of the things they ran. I've always tried to tell people is when you grow up in a lot of ways when you grow up in a marriage. We were together as teenagers together in our twenties in our thirties. Now i'm forty. You are with somebody through several phases of life and we've had to learn some really hard lessons than heart's skills on how to support in love your spouse through all the different natural phases that a lot of people just by the time you marry somebody. They've already gone through some of those phases. We've learned a lot of lessons. Have been with each other for now. Almost twenty five years even though whereas young as we are. We've we're nearing twenty five year point of being together

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