Managing Marital Entropy...Why Doing Something, ANYTHING For Your Marriage...is Better Than Nothing At All!
Notice that people stopped feeling that phantom pain and so he published some sort of report on that and then every every motivational speaker every psychologists therapists took that and ran with it instead. Okay must take twenty one days for the brain to come up with a new these new neural pathways or these new habits in essence and so people move forward. Instead it takes twenty one days to create a new habit now be at therapists and have that snow circulating around. And somebody says i'm going to exercise. I'm going to eat better. And have them that do that. Pretty religiously for three weeks and then if it doesn't work they come into your office and they say what's wrong with me. I read everywhere that takes three weeks to create a new habit. And i don't like running yet or i'm not eating better just for the sake of. It's not a new habit. And that's where i started looking at. Okay what's the real data and there's a lot there's so much data now on people that have taken different measures or different tested to figure out how long it takes create you have it and it's more like anywhere from three months on certain habits. It's depending upon the habit to think on average it was like one hundred and eighty one hundred eighty two days so it can take up the six months so things are going to feel like they aren't coming naturally to somebody after three weeks and that's perfectly normal so i had things like that has stuck in the back of my mind so that when i want to record a podcast i wanted to just be based on all this data and i want to regurgitate it in my own language and talk about things i've seen on the chair so marital entropy sounds amazing and then when i actually started to dig deeper and google it i found a couple of articles that are good but i also found a lot of people that are debunking concept of marital entropy and talking about how it doesn't necessarily even fall in line with the what is it the second law of thermodynamics which is entry which again the law states that energy degrades overtime. So wanting to know this. I record the rest of this episode that i am very aware that marital entropy sounds like an amazing concept. And i believe that. There's a lot of truth there but i do not have the scientific data to necessarily back it up. So let's talk about this. I was on a walk over the weekend with my wife. And we'll just put it out there as soon have a son. And he's sixteen almost seventeen and he parked in and he was spending the night with a friend and he parked in the friends neighborhood. A neighborhood full of these townhomes share driveway and he comes home the next morning and he has a big sticker across the site of his window. And says you were almost toed so we say man. That is really frustrating. And what if he would have gotten a toad would've been very expensive and so we are on a walk. We actually walked by the neighborhood and see that. There's some spots that seemed to be available to park so we my wife. And i have this discussion and my wife says so. I don't want to come across as offensive to our sun. But i really want them to know understand that. Hey can you do me a favor and just park across the street park in a different neighborhood and walk over there because this could cost a lot of money and she said hey there anything wrong with that and i said no absolutely nothing wrong with it but i feel like this one of those situations where there's almost a good better best scenario with ways to communicate and let me you. It is so difficult. The last thing i want to do is make it sound like i am doing therapy on my wife. That is no one likes for their spouse to say. Here's what i think you need to do. Are you need to do it this way or you're doing it wrong. Because they immediately have married thirty years she has so many examples of things that i don't do very well that she could have just pulled them random instead. Oh really so. I don't communicate well. How about the way that you say this or this or that sort of thing. So in this scenario. I said he'd let me just share with you what i would say to someone. That's coming into my office. And here's where i would go with that. There's several layers here. This is where. I feel like that marital entropy or communication related kicks in that if we just over time aren't necessarily actively trying to work on new skills in what scenario might look like it's one of us just telling our spouse. Hey can you not do that next time. Can you do it this other way. Instead and that might land the person might then sure in this scenario. My son maid park across the street the next time. But he's not that he's going to necessarily think other increase our communication skills or the relationship was built in this moment. And i know that might sound dramatic at times i mean is the goal that we can really take every single scenario every single communication opportunity and turn that into something where i know i can go to my spouse and say hey.