#183 Jamie Lerner Self-Care: If You Dont, Who Will? - burst 03
We just are and were very well equipped to do it. And it's also interesting about reinvention. Is that we lose a lot of something. That is very important along the way which is south care so women are masterful in reinventing themselves and then they also are masterful in forgetting themselves. How did how did how did he know. We're going to make a transition to self care. I mean seriously on my sheet in front of the next. The next bullet point was self care and you made a wonderful trenches transition to it. So that is what. I'd like to talk about now. And and focus probably the majority of our time is self care and personal responsibility and and especially in this current cova time of chaos and confusion and and one of the things that you told me about when we chatted before the podcast was that you described your passion. Your current passion for helping people find themselves in the moment. Can you tell me what that what that means to you. Find yourself in the moment every moment that we can be present and it is just a moment by moment and establish or reestablish connection with ourselves that that is the ultimate in self care and and i think a lot of that comes from being able to manage our thoughts and then are feeling but first and foremost our thaw and i think it's important cut. We rarely slow everything down and allow ourselves to be in that moment contain. That's why one of the most important things of how we can care for ourselves and then others it's always about foul firth and then others. It's kind of a win win for everybody. Jesus talks about that. When he says you know i it's always quoted love god and love your neighbor but what's always left out is love. Love your neighbor as yourself and to me that assumes self love precedes other love the cacao kangaroo barber care for another if they're not taking care of yourself self love is sort of. it's almost frowned upon that. You are selfish. You are ego centric if you do that and and if you take care of yourself too much and yet and yet if you don't take care of yourself you're you're no good to anyone else you know want when you could on the airplane they tell you to put your mask on on first before assisting other people and there's a reason for that. That is a universal truth. We cannot care for anyone until we care for ourselves without feeling resentment and if we feel is not much then we are not caring for ourselves or another. So you know. I think people don't really understand what it means to wrap third loving arms around themselves and nourish and nurture themselves into connection. That is the most unselfish thing that you can do. And in some ways it sure responsibility if you're then going to assume the care of others whether be children or a teacher or if you're in any role where you're in a leadership role it's just not possible to do it without having spent some time with yourself and nourishing yourself and if they're self some something to give agree with you on that and i was thinking about taking care of ourselves. There's there's just a number of of ways to do that in you know we're going to get into tactics toward the end of the Of the of the of the show. But right. Now i i'd like to disorder. Get a big picture of what do you mean by taking care of yourself. I know account. I have an idea of what i need by but but i'm curious what your interpretation is kind of goes hand in hand with taking personal responsibility to understand that really. It is known responsibility to care for your responsibility to begin to have an understanding of what year in the evening for yourself and then to figure out a way a gentle loving way to kind of implement some of that self care and most people do the opposite. They expect other people to care for them. They don't even know their own news. They expect others around them to know what they need and they expect that they should be given what they need. There's this really Twisted sense of entitlement. just because the very I think the other interesting thing about women reinventing themselves then they get to hide behind all of the roles that they've taken on as they never care for themselves the end up feeling resentful. They ended up feeling overwhelmed. The end up feeling all the things that they should be feeling and yet known even knows what they need. Not even know. They haven't even taken the time to figure out like okay but only know what i need for my. What do i need to do first thing in the morning but the guy can so myself up before we take care of all these other people so to step into that role of personal responsibility for sending the morning and ask yourself now. What are what. I need so myself. That is such a loving and lovely question to ask one and then to answer it with you. Maybe coffee before. I serve an to eat something before i i just some basic things. That really remind us that we're important. How counter cultural that is because we you know we're we're thinking we always have to be givers don't we we. We can't be. we can't be takers. we can't be an it's not even really taking it's it's more of. You're giving love from an empty cup and you've got to fill that love your love cup for yourself because unless you do you end up resenting the very people that you are serving and it doesn't feel good on your and it doesn't feel good on there and either never feels good to be given some things from someone who is representing you in the process so yet to unconditionally give to hand. That is a lovely feeling for the giver and the receiver and the way we get there is by taking care of ourselves so that we can give which hand alternate goal to feel good about the giving and to feel good about the person who is receiving what your kid i have for the last year been very involved on my own in in the in the sort of tradition node as mystic christianity and the mystics and and and i'm reading people of the thirteenth to fourteenth century teresa viola saint john of the cross and and teresa viola sort of my my guru. Now and she was. She was in the fifteenth century. And they talk about spending this time in divine contempt mystical prayer. But she is very strong that you do that in doing that. You are taking care of yourself your relationship with yourself yourself in the divine how how you relate in the divine but that that then becomes the resource for helping others that so you don't you don't just folk off. Yeah you don't just focus on yourself and forget everybody else. You have to focus on yourself but then the result is it results in a self care you. You can't help but want to share that with other people tackle once again. It's a win win for every beautiful idea. Now you want. You talked about personal responsibility in that. And i've even thought about making when i make a title for this show and we'll see what happens after the show. They make the title. But i i'm working on a premise of the me. Look at my own title here. Self care your responsibility to be responsible for yourself. Well is it so you would. You says it's good. I'm glad you agree because you're not title if you said no i don't believe any of that however it's a turn off for people a lot of people do not want to be responsible from south. They feel resentful that they should have to be responsible for themselves. They feel entitled that others should be responsible for their happy. And i think that it just needs to be thought about in a different way because who would know better for you than you know and yet we expect others to know what we need what. We consider south for first and foremost look. We need the great question. People don't ask themselves that question very often. But do you want. Don't ask themselves that either but people will tell you all day long what they want and what they get is more of what they don't want so and it's always someone else's all so you know if that doesn't work very well that way no it doesn't and and how in the world like you said if we haven't even really investigated pin through the thought process of understanding what we want and what we like in life. How in the world is someone else supposed to know that you know great costal one and yet we expect them to set us fai our needs and we've not identified their their needs. I mean our our needs and how they need to respond. You know My listeners heard have heard this before. But my wife. And i for probably. We've been married thirty six years and for at least twenty five of those. If not more. We take every year between christmas and new years now. This happens throughout the year but we take an intentional time of three days away so we can have two nights in one place. You know two full days in place and we ask each other So how was i. What kind of husband was last year. What kind of wife was i. And and what do you want from me. How can i serve you in helping. You find. You know helping you fulfill your needs and so we're forcing ourselves to identify our knees and until the other person. This is what i would like fantastic. I mean that's that's a conscious of our relationship a nice guy. Yeah yeah you know a lot of good writing on that jamie is. Are you familiar with the land baton. Elaine de button depends on how you want to pronounce it. The scarlet life. You know he's rich and really good stuff on that he's ridden maybe the best stuff of love between a man and a woman as anyone is written for you know. He's just barely turned forty now but he just has has exceptional writing on that. You know what i wanna do. I i want to go a bit deeper but before we do. I'd like to take a quick break. And then we will come back. And we're going to pursue a little bit more about this personal responsibility and how the victim mentality may come into play in that. Hi there this is charlie hedges. And you're listening to the next with charlie and my very special guests. Today's jaime lerner A woman who is a therapist adventurer pleasure seeker and a cute devil tae of self care. And that's exactly what we're talking about. And and i think she has so much teaches that i've learned so much from jamie and jimmy. We've talked about a bit about personal responsibility. And that letting other people know not expecting other people to somehow somehow be able to read our minds in our souls and understand what we need. We need to articulate that. What other kinds of personal responsibility you know. We're talking about our own personal responsibility and our self care. How can i take responsibility for myself. Do you have any examples of that for me now. I think that away are rewarded in society. Forbidden since Mainstream media that. They reminded us every moment. That's come we are the victim of everything. We have no control so for me. I always suggest to people to turn off the television and to Find a new source. That is a little more emotionally intelligent. That will allow us to feel good when you're done breathing. You're listening to or watching in fetter feeling paralleling cars. We have to take personal responsibility for what we are chasing to consume and hall. We will fail one way or done firmly cloud video. You know that's brilliant. You know is that we have to take responsibility for what we consume in our media. And and i find pretty much nothing but danger when not not just. Tv in general but for me. It's tv news and tv news. You know their their purpose is to stir up controversy in stirrup.