"It hits home hard to what should parents get older it. Obviously I'm going to be there for him but this been really hard on me to watch my mom not being my mom anymore. I felt like I love telling her what to do. Because I am a mom you need to call the doctor. If you're falling all in all the time maybe we need to get you new blood pressure medicine. You know. It's like I have to like make her do it right there real hard to watch but usually I don't think you know how how much no matter what of going through in life it's like you know in there so it's amazing. It feels like your morning morning morning someone constantly who still living. And that's a really bizarre feeling and nobody wants to talk about it because everybody I feel like has the idea that is. He's just a natural progression of aging. And that's not true. We've talked about how one of the strangest weirdest muscle uncomfortable things. Is That Your Dad's personality has changed a lot and also who he was. The role played in the family. So can can you share with people. I don't know your thoughts on that. Like how it makes you feel. Maybe the dynamic change change its had on your family. Yeah I think it's started probably five or six years ago and it's hard but I don't think it's at the point yet where it's like sad sad about. I mean I still see him and I guess they're still glimpses of of of how he used to be. I guess we take each stage at a time. So far it's been manageable. I think I think you're right. I've been sad sometimes when I I know we're all in a room together as when it happens for me is when we're all together and he's usually been the person that is teasing the most host. The most witty has insane. One liners makes everybody laugh. Says things that like you're like did he. Just say that you kind of almost almost like you know never politically correct and I guess so. I've already kind of got over the fact that I'm never gonNA hear those again. But that's probably the saddest part is when we're all together as a family and I don't see him being like the person that stands up first to say something or our lead the conversation so in some ways. Do you feel like you've had to start like grieving. I mean like because frankly if I'm just he's going to be honest. You're better this week than you've ever been like. It has been really really hard up until this week. Even though things haven't gotten better his situation hasn't changed. No part of the situation has changed but you seem a lot better and I think you probably already know how humid Oughta I like ten days ten days ago. You said this feels like a mountain. I will never. It's just a mountain that will never end we'll just keep climbing and climbing climbing it feels insurmountable surmountable and today in the last five days. You've seemed much more like taking it in stride. I will agree with you and and I think anybody. That's listening to this right now. And if heard you and I talk on podcast before the importance of getting professional help in seeing uh You know sitting down with somebody that's trained in has gone through this stuff in in hurt other people and so I you know I told you like three weeks leaks go go. I'M GONNA go see a name. Dr I gotta go see somebody and do CPR therapy a therapist and this week it was just kind of like a little bit more of a breaking breaking point. And you're like I just really think the you need to do that like you kind of just. I were already threw it out there that I wanted to do it. And you just kind of like remind me like hey you said you were going. Go through this. You should go to this in just one hour session really kind of kind of grounded me now. I've done a lot of. AMD are therapy so that helps. Yeah because I knew like what might trigger was and I knew where I needed to go. Would you be willing. And maybe personally don't have to but usually when you go into therapy happy you have a cognition or like a belief the thought is going through your head. Would you be willing to share with us. What that was? Maybe how it's changed just since that one session. Yeah it was helplessness. Yeah because it was a situation where I felt like hopeless helpless like I can't do anything about it and I usually like to try to fix things and Dan so that was one of my major problems issues anyway so it was just tapping back into that and figuring out that like I'm not hopeless. I'm not helpless and I can only do as much as I can and I gotTa let God take over the rest and it was the first time ever in in doing md.. Art Therapy. That when I went there like you know where you you go back and forth with your eye movement or you go back and forth with sound if you guys has ever done. MDR was the first time that at the end. When I got my feelings all the way down to a zero that it was like God came into my thoughts to let him Kinda just take over and just really like he was there you know I had broken Sierra in their times I had you and their at times? I had add childhood in there at times. I have my parents in their at times. Robin there my brother in there at times but then the ending of it was like just like I gotta just surrender this to God and let him just kind of navigate us through this thing. That's so cool all right. Let's hear from a few more of our lifers. My my father passed away a year ago of dementia. He was ninety five. My mother is ninety and they live three doors down from my husband and I. They've had almost round the clock care in home caregivers for the past two years and I am one of threes these children and my two brothers but I'm primary caregiver with regard to their finances and that type stuff arranging caregivers. I am responsible for paying them. I feel like I'm running. Small business outside of their home. It's very very difficult to juggle everything. I'm very active in our community. Have a career that my commutes an hour a day. I have a husband three children go. Oh children five grandchildren. I am always feeling constant guilt. It does not matter. If I'm there I feel like I should be you somewhere else with my kids with my husband with you know work with if I'm away I feel like I should be with her. It weighs on me and she wants is to be with my dad so bad. She misses him. They were married for sixty seven years. And it's heartbreaking but it's very very difficult at the point now. Wow where. She's almost needing fulltime in home. Care because I promise stir and we all said she's going to stay at home. We're not going to do away a home you know and so we're GONNA do everything we can to keep her in her home. But it's not easy and I feel like every conversation precision. I have with my friends that's all. It's centered around and I walk away very upset that I brought it up again but I just feel like I need support. I need to be hurt. My grandmother really just required full-time care. And in that process my mother ended up selling her home home. She sold almost everything that she had made a home with over the last thirty years and moved in with with my grandmother to be her full-time care and in that process it change not only our relationship the dynamic of my siblings in my whole family. Emily everything changed. I know that it's very difficult on the children of aging parents. But it's also difficult on the grandchildren and and watching your parent sacrifice their whole life. Which is what I have done and I understand that it is her the mother? But I'm also watching my mother. Give up those years of her life that should be for her and and it's really a challenge. This is an interesting like I think about my uncle. Gary who's been taking care of my grandma for so many years and taking care of her like in person listen right and then my mom and US you know we've helped from a financial standpoint but we're so far away I mean and that's like a whole conversation to like there's there's been times where rightfully so he's been very angry and other members of the family because he's there twenty four seven right. He like he took that on. He really has sacrificed. Acuff is so much in his life to take care of my grandma and then he has siblings who some have done some things and some have done. No things like nothing really early and he's gotten very angry very resentful any sacrifice so much of his life and I'm not saying that's right or wrong in fact I don't know what the right answer is. Here's one thing to say is that you can't think is ever going to be fair like you're super lucky right now that you and your brother are completely on the same aim page but from all the people who've left these amazing messages that's not the case. Almost just a you know just so you know. You're not alone of the messages as we received. I didn't get any where it's like. Oh the whole families on the same page. There's always one person who ends up being like the person who's doing all the organizing all the scheduling. There's one person who tends to be there in person. There's one person who tends to be more financially responsible. Sometimes at one person does all of those things and their siblings are doing no things so I think that's a whole nother conversation we could have. This could probably be ten part series. But what are your thoughts on. I have mine. What are your your thoughts on the guilt and the feeling that some people have that okay? I set my whole life aside. Because it's it's my obligation to care for my parents in such a way that it like takes over the life I was living. We had this conversation and I think I know for myself that if I was in my dad's situation that I wouldn't want brock in Sierra to feel like they were obligated obliterated to do a massive amount nor do I've already told you is like you know once I get to a certain stage on you know or whatever you I don't expect you to take care of me and I think that in my circumstance right now is I know for Thaqt that my dad doesn't want Robin I and you and the family to take on this burden you you know and I don't want to call it a burden right now but it's to take on this responsibility of taking care of them 'cause like right now he still has is enough cognition to like you know like. He looked at me the other day when we went to the doctor. He's like we're paying for this so like he already knows like. There's extra extra I don't want you to pay for it. Yes yes you know. So he knows enough to where like okay. This doesn't need to be a financial thing for Britain. Selene Lien or Robin Dana. Or that's my brother and sister-in-law and so I know that he wouldn't want that so I think I'm okay with whatever we can do to provide him help in a better life and just opportunities and we're already doing it you know. We were reading the books. And we're listening to podcasts castle. Were doing the research and we're going to doctors and we're trying the best we can and I think that's I think for anybody that's what you gotta do. You gotta like do the best you can. Yeah"