Communicating With the Connected Conversation Script


So i have literally had many many clients say during a couples therapy session. Hey can can you. Just tell me what to say here. So that i don't actually make things worse and for years i would think to myself on. It's not as difficult as you are making it out to be. It's just all about being empathetic or show genuine curiosity what your spouse is telling you but in reality i guess it is kind of difficult and that really doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you or certainly not with your spouse. We just haven't necessarily learned how to not only be curious but how to remain curious when our spouses something that gets us all up in our emotions so for example a couple of days ago i had a fellow. Bald husband couches. His wife sitting by aside and we're just warming up where we're getting ready. We're building some rapport to get ready to dive into some serious couples therapy and the wife had passed a gentleman in my waiting room. Who had just hair for days on his head his beard and she's made a comment as we were sitting down about how she just. She loved his hair. She coveted hair. She wanted his hair and her you could see. He just visibly withdrew back in my couch and then for about five minutes just seemed kind of out of it and so when we finally started diving into therapy he said can bring something up and he said. It's obvious that she wishes that i had hair like that guy. How am i supposed to compete with that. And his wife said not on. So i can't even comment about somebody's hair without you getting upset and i literally called a timeout with my hands and everything and i had them pull out my s gore connected conversation script. And that's why we're gonna talk about today. And these amazingly wonderful professional people who have been married for over twenty years one with an advanced degree read from the script these things to say and things to ask and things not to say these things that i call landmine statements. Nobody wants to step on a landmine and by the end of the session. They were connected. They had been able to communicate about this very conversation around the skies luxurious glorious hair which i do admit i wish i could have his hair as as well

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