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I Fear My Spouse Will Abandon Me


Here with my co host Gabe. And of course I'm here with my co host. Jackie and we were talking this morning about something. That's been weighing pretty heavily on your mind and I thought let's make this into an episode because that's our lives so you've been talking a lot about anxiety around the idea of your wife leaving you it. It's true I don't know why she's giving me no reason to think this. I just I wish and another kind of a messed up thing to say but I wish that she gave me a reason to feel this way because then I wouldn't feel so crazy we've been married almost eight years. There's no problems were not in the middle of fight. I just have this gut got visceral strong feeling that the woman's GonNa leave me. Have you had this feeling in your marriage with Kendall or at any past relationships before well? I'm having this feeling in my marriage with Kendall right now no but like previously like. Has this ever happened before no no? It's never happened before with Kendall. It has happened. You know what no no? This is the first time I ever been jealous or had these feelings ever in my life. You know now that I think about it. No when all of my other relationships ended I was completely blindsided. I have always been the dumped. Never the dumpy. Because yeah yeah well. My first marriage it just turns out women don't like to be married to untreated by polars in my my second marriage. We're still friends which is weird but it was messed up Okay another thing yeah. It's like memory lane. Thanks thanks. You'RE WELCOME. That's what we're here for you miserable but your talking about this in therapy which like. Yahu for therapy we know I love it. What is your therapists? Say My therapist lakes through this thing called chain analysis where we know that I have this feeling so now. Let's back up to why I have the feeling so and then when you connect those things you can work on it. The problem is backwards. Doesn't lead anywhere. I have this feeling. Okay what's the one step back? Well I don't want my wife to leave me because I love her. Okay what's the one step back from that? Has She giving you any reason? No the best that I can come up with is my wife. She's beautiful she's intelligent and this is one of the burdens of marrying somebody way younger than you either. She was like twenty six when we got married. And now she's not she's she's just achieved so much in the last eight years and she's not the same person and this person is so incredible that it would be lunacy for her to stay with me. What do you bring to your marriage? I bring bipolar disorder to our marriage a panic disorder and anxiety disorder. I mean those are those are some some pretty nifty things to to bring into a marriage. Okay right but what else do you bring to your marriage smart ass? Obviously I do bring things to the marriage I I do all the cooking. I do all the cleaning. I handle like the household or tasks like you know. The the minutia of life is all handled by me. I do bring that to the marriage. Okay but I'm going to ask you again. What else do you bring to the miracle? Basely like I'm her personal assistant through all of those things. What else makes your marriage uniquely yours. Because you're in it. I just told you I was her personal assistant. I am her personal assistant. I I handle all of that stuff for her. Which is why it wouldn't be so big of a loss to lose me. The other day I said to Kendall if I left you would have all the same things that you have now except the dog. I'm taking the dog. And she said no right. Yeah yeah she said no you sweet loving hug me kissed me told me. I was wonderful but come on which is supposed to say. You can't tell the dude that you're married to that you're living with. Yeah that's a good point. I could hire all of the things that you do for me and not have to tolerate your dumb ass okay. You're looking at all literally the physical things that you bring to your marriage right you are there you do all of these things that are like. I am physically exist in the same room as my wife. What you're not remembering or not seeing or not acknowledging is that you bring more to your marriage and just like the acts you perform and the reason why this is really important to me personally is because I live with two chronic illnesses one of which could make me completely physically unable to take care of myself at any moment literally at any minute. Ms could be like you can't walk anymore. You can't feed yourself. This is Real Fun Party. So you bring more to your merits and just like the AX. You perform for her. You offer her companionship. You offer her comedic relief. You offer her emotional support in everything. I'm sure and while I'm sure you're gonNA tell me it doesn't matter because you're bipolar. Because you detract a as much as you give Blah Blah Blah. You're failing to see that. The root of your marriage is the relationship you have formed with Kendall and all those other things are like a bonus. I'm not a stupid person. I agree with you and if the tables were turned if you were calling me up and you were saying Gabe Adams GonNa leave me. I would say all of the things to you that you are now saying to me and I get it. I get the idea that Kendall is a grown woman and if she is chosen to be married to me she obviously wants to be married to me and she is getting something out of it. I I don't know maybe I make the best spaghetti. I listen. I honestly don't know what it is and I have asked her. I have like why would you be married to me? And she's like well. My life is never boring. Why is this a priority? What do you mean your life is never boring one have you looked around? We live in suburbia all the houses. Look the same. Our life is boring as fuck. I just I can't find that thing I just. I can't find that thing in lieu of turning this into full blown therapy because as we know I love therapy. I'm not good at giving it to other people. Are you saying that you're not a licensed therapist? I am not. I also don't know how to therapies other people so I'm just taking what I've learned here. I would encourage you to go to Kendall and ask her to work to elaborate and maybe she's good in writing. Maybe she's good at talking like speak to her strengths of helping her. Understand what you bring to your marriage because I assume that it's never boring. Is a umbrella statement for a lot of tiny things that are great about you and what you bring to your marriage but a therapy session over what is really happening. Here is a lot of unwarranted anxiety. And you're trying to navigate it right. I'm just scared that she's going to leave. And I feel that I need a backup plan for when it happens and the keyword there. Being when I've been through two divorces I had a significant relationship where we live together and my biological father took one look at me when I was born. I was like yeah. No I've suffered a lot of loss of people who are alive and I haven't even gotten into the loss I've suffered from people who have passed away and I've lost a lot of people relationships jobs social status from living with bipolar disorder. So loss is just ingrained. It's just ingrained into me. In fact I firmly believe that I have lost more people than I have gained. And what happens when Kendall is one of them? I don't want to be caught with my pants down. That's not a double entendre. Just I sincerely mean I just. I don't WanNa be alone. I don't WanNa call my mom and dad and tell them that I blew another marriage. I don't WanNA reach over in the middle of the night and have nobody be there and I want to know how to protect myself from that happening. Because if she goes away. That's going to happen to me. That's going to happen to me again and I don't know that I can get through it for a fifteenth time. Oh I have so many things I wanNA say and most of them are encouraging first and foremost like you know that you will get through it because evidence of your life has shown that you have gotten through it every time you survived right. It may not have been pretty but you did it. You're still here. All those other losses did not destroy to the point of no return. I know you're GonNa want like say well but you know I did get admitted. Bal right like all those other things but like you're saying I'm here. I'm very resilient at being dumped. You're a functioning human being. You'RE ON THE PLANET. You have survived everything so far greater Sure but come on. There's people that have had their limbs hacked off that survived. I don't subscribe to this notion that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Oh I don't either. There's lots of things that don't kill you. That make you really fucking weak agree but at the root of it all you have gotten through all of it right. It wasn't fun you didn't want to but you did you got through all of it. I did. And you currently lead a life. That is good and happy and sustainable. And let's talk about that for a moment. You're right. This is the best I've ever been and sincerely that's part of the problem. This is the best my life has ever been. I am forty three years old. This is the most stable. This is the happiest this is the healthiest. This is the wealthiest. This is the most in love. This is the everything I mean even if we want to like turn it into you know. Money Equals Happiness. Well I've got the biggest house. I've got the nicest car and I've got the least amount of debt if you WANNA turn it into. Oh it's the people you know. I Know Kendall kindles amazing. I know you Jackie your amazing. I have like two best friends. I'm not saying I don't want more friends. I'm just we all want more but if I just take base look at what I have. It's the most I ever had and all I can think of and all that goes through my mind is this is the most I will lose so when you talk about will I get through it. I don't know I've never fallen from this

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