A highlight from How to welcome surprise and mystery into your post-pandemic life | Esther Perel


You're listening to ted talks daily. I'm elise hugh we've lost so much in so many different ways during this global pandemic what it leaves is an extreme feeling of exhaustion stress and uncertainty. But today we have thoughtful antidotes relationship therapist. And podcast host astaire parral down with ted's head of curation helen walters to help us make sense of our profound stress and offers some ways to get through it. I especially love the part about anti small talk. She'll explain. Hey ted talks daily listeners. I'm adam grant. I hosted another podcast from the ted audio collected. It's called a worklife. And it's about the science of making work not suck next time. Navigating the turbulence of a career setback. I would estimate. Surely i applied for more. At least two hundred jobs have like three interviews time for guidance on the future. We'll look to the past. Follow life without him. Grant on apple podcasts. Spotify or wherever you listen. I answer parral. Thank you so much for joining us and want to get right to it. So we're more than a year into this pandemic now and i think one constant whether really acknowledging it not has been heightened stress levels. Shall we say so. I'm sure you've seen this in your practice in your work. And i'm curious. What are you recommending to people who are coming to you the wanting to know how to regulate stress effectively. So alan here it is. You know we're living in a time of existential. English of relation of universal grief economic insecurity prolonged uncertainty and. We have a tendency to call. These stress but stress is multidimensional research. Susan david Emphasize the importance of having to break down into parts. So that they become manageable we have disappeared. We have anxiety exhaustion side. The anger irritability. All these feelings are part of stress. And when they are named and trained we can better regulate them and deal with them. prolonged uncertainty at this moment. Is that notion that we are uncertain. We also don't know how long this will last. This is not your typical disaster where you have a a warning and a planning an onslaught in post. We are in it and we don't know for how long we expense sense of ambiguous loss where whitting's are gone but still there and it really prevents a sense of morning. Buildings are standing physically present. The office buildings but they are emotionally Family members are in nursing. Homes are in other countries. They are emotionally psychologically very very close to us but they are physically absent and that's sense of ambiguous loss is most exemplified in what we are experiencing at this moment. As loss of heroes and the pandemic grip the world and then the pendulum swings between freedom and security has snapped off tinge the there is a constant extreme emphasis on safety any accordance off because we avoid the space where we can experience happenstance. Johnston counters mystery. Surprise all those elements of that create a sense of aliveness and vibrancy in our lives. That is the place where creativity curiousity or so meet. So what are some of the things that people can do. Once we understand stress in this way is to create routines and rituals and boundaries routines to separate the different activities the different roles and responsibilities that we inhabit rituals because they create sacred time and sacred space and boundaries because they create delineation the marcation borders and does really necessary for us to experience a sense of groundedness and structure and the second thing that really had switched dresses when is actually to create space for eros. This reason people at this moment are seen plans. Grow seeing bread rice creating things making things are nothing because when you see life emerging front of you or something change in front of you it functions as an antidote to deadliest stress.

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