Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and author: 'The uncomfortable is a great place to be.'


Hey everyone the show might sound a bit different today because we're skimming from three different couches. The scam is still working from home for the time being because of covid nineteen today Lori gottlieb joins us on skin from the couch. She is a psychotherapist and an author. She writes the Dr Therapist Column in the Atlantic and She's also the author of the bestselling novel maybe you should talk to someone which I read I loved and then recommended to every member of my family Lori. Thank you for joining US welcome to skin from the couch. Thanks so much for having me Lori we're very excited I. Feel like we're about to have therapy. We're going start though putting you on the on the hot feet, which just can you skim your resume for us? Yeah. Sure. After graduating from college I worked in the entertainment business. I. I worked on the film side and then I moved over to NBC, and you're I there to. You May for premiering when was called Er and the other was called breads heard of them. When I was working on Er, we had a consultant who is an emergency room physician at and he would do research with us and help us to choreograph the scenes and make sure that everything's accurate and I spent a lot of time in the ER, and he said to me I, think you like it better here than you like your day job because I was spending a lot of time in the ER and and I was like I'm lacking to go to medical school. Like I like in my late twenties late that I went to medical school. So went to Stanford I went to medical school when I got there, it was the middle of the DOT com the first sort of DOT com bill before i. And a lot of people were saying you know managed care it was coming into the healthcare system and would be able to do the kinds of work that I wanted to do with my patients. I worked at a DOT COM for a little bit in the summer between first year second year of medical school and ultimately assert writing and I left to become a journalist and. I felt like as a journalist I could really help to tell people stories the way that I wanted to, and it was about ten years later after being a journalist for wile still a journalist but I had a baby and I was desperate for adult interaction and ups guy would come ons I would lose him in conversation at he hated that nearly describing me in corn to. Like that and so he would always try to avoid the at eventually start telling to my door putting the APP just down very gently. So I would not open the door, engage him in conversation, and so I called Dean at Stanford and I said, maybe I should come back Andrew Psychiatry and she said, you know you always wanted these deeper interactions with people welcome to come back. But if you do psychiatry probably doing a lot of medication management, it's not what you WANNA do. Why don't you get a graduate degree in clinical psychology and do the work want to do it was really this is a moment it sounds obvious. In, retrospect which I think a lot of career things do where you know something that is right in front of you you had thought of, and so I did that and I, have this hybrid career where I'm a psychotherapist I have clinical practice here Los Angeles I'm still a writer I write books I writes the weekly called the Atlantic Avenue podcast coming out therapy. So I see like what I do is I look at story of the human condition and I just express it different means what something that is not on your Lincoln profiler bio that people would be surprised to know about you maybe that I was competitive chess player. You have another fallback career. I. Wasn't good never for career but I was really serious about it and I think I use that a lot in my career. So I think with chests there's a lot of strategy. There's a lot of anticipating the consequences of your moves and you can't plan everything out but I think that people look at my career they think I made these very impulsive decisions like you're working in Hollywood and boom you're going to go to medical school you're working on e. r. and then boom you want to. Tell stories in different ways to you're GonNa go Ri- and then you're GonNa go the therapist and you go from telling people stories, changing people's stories, right? All of that is true but I think I very much ought ahead about why was I doing reflecting on why was doing so many people said to me you are crazy. You don't leave medical school when you get into Stanford Medical School right? You don't leave Hollywood when you're at NBC and you have this job you're successful journalists would you mean you're going to go back and do therapy and why would you leave? And so I think it's really about I. Think in chests you have to kind of really be reflected about what you're doing. When I think about being reflective as an adult I think that means being reflective and going inside to that place of knowing and not listening to all the noise out there that the reflection is an inside job and not an outside job.

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