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Lifestyle Makeovers: How to Set Personal Boundaries


Last month. I was standing at the counter waiting for the sales clerk to help me when this woman. That's right in front of me in line. I was shocked. But then they a word hutches pros like an ice sculpture. Dear Oprah I have confrontation phobia once when my hairstylist giving a bad haircut? I didn't tell her I even tipped her then. I just went home and cried. I let people walk all over me like a nature trail. There's someone owes me money. I don't ask for it back and if I do try to bring it up I can hear my voice quivering with fear so I back on a heat beam like this and I really wanted to see well creating stronger boundaries. Is the number one way for most women to improve their lives? Are Lifestyle Makeover Expert Cheryl? Richardson says if you're not setting boundaries. Listen to this if you're not setting boundaries than you are really inviting people to ignore your need right that you get that you're saying come home it's funny you say that because I remember years ago. Someone sent me a postcard. Friend is a joke and on the postcard was a woman. Laying on the ground in there were Footsteps Her body to here and the line unto captions underneath read. Wait wait. There's a part of my face. You haven't stepped on yet well and humorous as it might have been. It really struck me. I realized at that. Time if we don't set boundaries if we don't teach people how to treat us that's the way says if we don't teach people how to treat us then essentially we're basically giving people permission to walk. Well yes and so when you find yourself in a position where you are the one who's always babysitting and then you can't anybody to babysit. You have taught people to respond to you that way. We notice in that point. She said well. I can't find anybody my question would be. Are you asking anybody because usually we have a hard time asking for the things that we need or we have a hard time telling people stop? Can't go any further or that's not okay with me and so we end up feeling come from. Where does this come from well? I think it's I think it's complicated. And the truth is most of our parents were never taught to have boundaries. I think if you go back quite frankly oprah couple hundred hundred years in you look it back then. People had children and children work the farms or they worked the land. I mean there wasn't there wasn't a lot of relating between people and so people never learned how to say this is where I stop and this is where you begin and it just gets carried over. That's right generation women people not as many people put as when women people. We have been socialized to go along with the program. Our brains are. Set Up to be relational more so in a different way than men so being relational whiffed. We've confused being relational or relationship oriented with giving up our needs for everybody else and we've confused being nice with letting people use you. That's right that's right don't you? Thanks good actually to just eliminate from your vocabulary quite frankly because that's exactly what it means being being able to do what other people want you to do but not necessarily especially making sure you like me making sure you speak well about me making sure. I keep you happy. I don't disappoint you. All that stuff now show says to find clues about boundaries. You need to set remember a time when you felt this. Cheryl up remember time when you felt angry anxious or resentful. Yes those are. The first thing is we have to identify where we don't have boundaries in our lives and a lot of women can answer that question so what you can do is take out your journal and start writing about wh. When do I normally feel resentful? When do I feel frustrated? When do I feel anxious? When do I run to the refrigerator? When somebody says something to me and I don't say anything instead I go stuff the feelings with food. Those will start to give you some clues to the places we may need to set boundaries. Okay and after you do that. Then what once you identify a lot of people know where it is when my mother calls when my sister calls anybody as a woman on the tape says we need to do anything right okay right once he would dentist where they are and I think that is important first. Step then it's about getting up the courage to set the boundaries. And it's not just. I'm going to be bold and courageous and go out and do what you need to prepare yourself. You need have someone to speak to. Before and after a difficult conversation you need the right language. We heard something on the tape about well. I don't know what to say. Most of most of the time the reason women don't set boundaries. They don't know what to say. That is true. When I give them language to set a boundary with Grayson love. You can see change in someone's facebook. Oh I can do that. Oh I it never occurred to me. I could say it that way so we need support. We need language and then we just have to take the Almighty leap. I've had this problem for years or had this problem for years and I had to start small and to start a small so at first I couldn't just say no I would have to say used to say. Well let me pray about it. Let me let me let me pray about it. Only prey on it. Let me see and then let me get back to you. Can I think about it for a moment and think about it? Could you give me a day? Will you know what Oprah a lot of women? It doesn't even occur to them if they can do that. And I like that. Let me pray about let me sleep on it or not say. Jesus said no

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