Ninety Seven Percent, Jake, Both People discussed on Kink Buffet
To say no to those things. But i couldn't even if i wanted to like because it's been negotiated ended again in negotiations the key to this and we're not even talking in the bedroom the this relationship ds but when we came into this relationship that is something that i said. I wanted one of the things. I'd always felt. And i have no problem with somebody who doesn't agree with this thinking. I don't think you're wrong if you don't agree. I don't think you're wrong if you wouldn't be in a relationship like this. I validate these are just opinions. But i've always felt that i'm going to like in the case of you. I'm gonna work hard. I'm gonna make money. I'm gonna take you all over the world i'm gonna take care of you. You're not gonna want anything you're when you want something you're just going to buy it. You don't have to work like you're gonna have this great life. One of the few things that i would ask in return is i want sex whenever i want. Sex and plenty of people would say well. That's not what a relationship is great. It's it's about both people wanting it's about equality i've never. I'm fifty one years old. I don't think i've ever said no to sex partner wanted even if i wasn't in that mindset or i was doing something else i have complete availability to them sexually at any point not asking for something that i wouldn't give and that was just something that was part of our relationship and we negotiated that i have no problem. Who or would have had no problem with you saying. That's not what sexes to me. We're just not a fit but you're not wrong. I mean i can't state this enough. You're not wrong if you don't agree with these things For me i wanted to have access to your body. Twenty four hours a day. I want not just sex. The way people listening might think where we actually go lay down have sex. I want many times everyday to grab you throw you down. May come a few times and then get back to what. I was doing many times when we sexual things. I'm not even playing with me. I'm just making you feel good. But when i want to just wanted to be able to. So you have negotiated. We negotiated that you liked that also. And that's what i wanted. It's what you wanted super easy but because it's been negotiated. There's no point of. You're not going to say no right and you're not left wondering about or not. I'm going to be like. Oh not right now. Or i'm really really. You know busy just you know. Don't do that right now. But it's also at your discretion that if you know that i'm focusing on something or i really have a priority that's high level at this moment you'll defer for a moment and i don't have to worry about you infringing on like fan talking to my mom on the phone or something silly like that actually got one. Stop me yet. Hasn't for other people. No i get you. So that brings us to the next part of being a submissive to kita all of this or the underlying keyed all of it which is trust you have agreed to give up control in certain areas but that goes hand in hand with trusting that. When you give up that control it turns out well for you right. And we talked about that. On the dominance version of this podcast that the responsibility then lies in the dominance hands to that it's executed. Well yeah and that is all on me. I have all the pressure. All you need to do is just let go. And because the vast majority of areas of our life you want to let go worrying this role. That's why we would call it. Like i wouldn't call it a ds relationship if you negotiated fifty fifty like i'm in control of half two things. 'cause i'm better at them and they make me happy during in control of half the things that make you happy i would say that relationship has switched like will i wouldn't even could a label on it and call it switch or ds would just say that's a good relationship that borrowed from the ds dynamic. Something that works. Hey we're equal. We don't have dominance submission. We're not kinky. We're not any of these things But i liked the idea. I liked the idea of. I don't have to worry about this and you'll be charging i don't have. I can let that. Oh that sounds cool. You start to label it when it becomes predominantly Over the other so for us. Ninety seven percent of our life is earned submission. And i'm in control now. Another thing that i think comes up often about what makes a good submissive. Is that once. These negotiations are in place. That is like automatic. I no longer have an opinion on anything but that's not true. I still have not really a safe for it but I have times that we will talk. And when we come back to negotiate something that might not be working. Or i'd like to have you know exercised a little bit differently. We come back to the table as equals. All negotiation happens from appointed equal. That's why there's no imbalance air. Let's use the checkbook example example. The way you're describing you have the couple. Let's say in this case the women's in charge of finance jake so she's in charge of finances. Demand has agreed to submit. Because he's he's a typical guy like me doesn't on the word. I think women are better money anyways. Generally so just spend whatever attention baby. Maybe that's just i. Maybe i shouldn't even say that. But i guess to me i know my guy friends. I don't the vast majority of my guy friends shouldn't be in charge of money. So i'm just my small sampling sizes. My friends are shave with money. Most of my friends are very good at making a lot of money. We're shitty managing but it doesn't matter in this example that individual is good and better at money is the woman is the wife and the husband who has yielded. He wants to buy a new. Tv next month. She says looks at the budget. Says we don't have it in the budget next month because he has submitted and agreed through negotiation to submit in this area. He is not going to argue with her. He will yield and say you're in charge of money. You know it's going on. This is your area of expertise. Therefore i'm not getting. Tv next month end of discussion that they are talking about the tv right. He has submitted she's in control. However what that does not mean is it does not mean that. He can't say to her the next day..