Greece, Director, Cheryl discussed on Present Moment: Mindfulness Practice and Science
My first film score. Which really makes you if you are musician. You know you need to sort of stay home in your need. Good Internet in order to send big files and side. Just kind of quit touring with my band And my father passed away and the anxiety went away for that first year after I got married and my my my dad died because I think the grief just took over and there's just no room for anxiety and in some ways it was a relief but in other ways I knew that there is still the suffering and it was just a different kind of suffering so it went away I went away and then it came back and then I started to really track it and I realized that it had a lot to do with like fights with my husband. I really let conflicts like eat me away and I I saw that. It wasn't just with him. It was with other people but it was always smaller. Your your your worst with your spouse right. I don't know anyone who's not but And I started to track it and I started to see that it was pretty regular in terms of like monthly and and it also made me really unsure of the future because any time something happened or we'd have some sort of fight I would think oh I should leave like that's right. I went from zero to sixty. That's where my brain went. And therefore there comes the unpredictability again and finally started talking to my anxiety. Actually a friend of mine who works with actors and she's a director she worked in some films that I scored she said. Hey kind do a really weird thing with you that with actors. It's called voice dialogue and I was like sure she's like it's based on the idea that all humans have the capacity to be all kinds of humans so in us and this is how you can get a really nice person to play killer on a movie right. Like there's there's some way to access that parts we all have killer. We all have little girl. We all have You know all these different parts and so she's like. Can I have a conversation with your anxiety and I was like okay. This sounds weird but okay and she. She basically talks a little bit but she said Hey Cheryl's anxiety like she actually talked to me as if I was by anxiety and I played along as why not. It's been almost a decade of suffering from nest and then you know. She said so exactly what he wants. And immediately without thinking it was anxiety speaking for sure. I just want her to be safe like why she doing. All these unsafe thing risky things and ever since that I was able to have compassion for an in like talent that I see it and hear it instead of trying to push it away which never obviously never worked So that led me to starting to do a little more research. I started gratitude a morning daily morning. Gratitude practice I'm on my third year of that. I started January first three years ago And doing research. Because I'm a science dork at hearts I did a little more. Science Research in that led me to You know training your brain to not look for the bad things. I'm one of those people that can walk into a room and see everything that's broken and if nothing broken all break something just so. I can saw the gratitude practice in noticing like great things in your day so I write down three things. I'm grateful for and then I also write down my favorite moment from the past twenty four hours in order to now. I go around my damn. This might be my thing. I write tomorrow morning. Oh this might be the thing tomorrow. The the the good things. I'm looking more for the good. And that led me to learning more about Yoga and meditation and so now I'm on. Yesterday was day six hundred and one of every single day doing at least a minimum of five minutes. Yoga five minutes of meditation in the morning. After right the journal. Sometimes I'll do an hour of each. That's not super but it's a little rare And so two months. After starting the daily Meditation Practice I had my lasting attack. That was six hundred zero. So six hundred one minus sixty days. That's that's how that's how much I now really got that. Mindfulness and being aware of myself and being able to me being the the the person who sees me and not needing from my husband nurse from someone else because that that desperation met need is so it makes it made me feel very powerless which also gave the anxiety a lot more power so now that I can find my own power. These ideas like hanging out still. I like I feel it. Come up every once in a while but I have so many more tools now to to manage it so interesting hearing your story and thank you for sharing that. That's going to be really hard to talk about early doing. Thank you for that openness because it is challenging and interesting to hear how gratitude later into this having gratitude practice folks listening to this podcast know that. I was introduced to gratitude practice for my friend. Molly Han. Who Does Molecules art gratitude journals about that and I was just able to share that today with co workers. Because we're on the topic of gratitude in the value of that in dealing with things like anxiety and building resiliency so it was real time. And so you mentioned that you've been on six hundred plus days of. Doing Yoga and imitation practice. I'm wondering if you'd be one to describe. What does that look like knowing that each as a little bit different of course but you do. What is Your Yoga practice? Look like what's the meditation look like? Yeah I am I use an APP for the Yoga called Yoga Studio and I have a couple of different. I have like a five minute short thing and then I have eleven minute one that I made that customer. You can pull all the moves and make your own little thing and then they have thirty minute. One saw this. You know whatever I feel like. I just pick one if I'm pressed for time or I got a late start. I'll do the shorter. One Saw Right in journal. I'll sit down on a yoga mat out. I have a little. We have a guest room in our house and we realized we just don't have that many guests so we put the the bed in an attic. And then I took the guest room and turn into a little yoga workout writing meditation room and my husband who still travels about six months of the year he was like a yoga. Whatever you want so As I have this room which is nice And then I have a little corner with a bunch of pillows and I'll sit down and I use the APP simple habits. I went through a bunch of different APPS. You know when I started this six hundred one days ago and It's probably more than not because I I did a couple of days. I'm head space and tried to find all the all the difference for guided meditation APPs. 'cause I knew I just sitting still wasn't going to cut it for me and I also am very competitive with myself in general so to see the little like you hit ten days. You hit fifty eight like really work for me An at like one hundred days. I'm like Oh there's there's no way I'm not going to keep doing this. I hit one hundred days so I had a small small aneurysm last year. When I went to Greece in the time change had me. Turn off my something glitched and it I I must have done my yoga when it was still the day before but even though it was the next morning and it reset my whole I was on I think in the four hundreds of days and so I wrote to the tech support. I'm like I think this is a glitch but I I definitely did it. I can tell you the sessions I did. And they got back to me and they were really lovely. They're like Oh. What are you doing in Greece? And I met a composer residency recording this new record actually for mindfulness and just in talking to their tech people how now the record and created all these affirmations spoken affirmations with them now hosted on simple habit which is so tricky to take your phone and be like. I'M GONNA morning meditation in like pick my own voice. It's really cool So I don't remember your question in the. Us How would it looks like? Yes I just sit down and I I'll I'll change what I listen to I have been getting into just listening to like Theta waves and not listening to a a guided meditation anymore. I did a sort of meditation transformational weekend last year. And I love to format that this Guy Kyle cease gave us which was really to save a thing that you're worried about just like safety to thought and your your brains with the mind speaking and then listen to the hearts response so I do that for a few minutes and then I the other one is to just say out loud or even to yourself these are. I'm feeling that feeling anxious feeling lonely. I'm feeling nervous about this thing. I'm killing US and then to say I love that and it's Kinda love on the things that I my my past. I WOULD WANNA resist so I can do a whole hour meditation just sitting thinking what. I'm worried about listen to my heart. Thinking about a concern listened to the heart thing about what I'm feeling and maybe I'm feeling totally at peace and I love and so I'll just go through and it's really that's really just the process of me seeing me and realizing that I can be the source of my own piece my own power. My own whatever and it's it's really empowering and it's it's I think it's And really nice to to sort of shift from the guided meditations from the APP which were lovely really helped me get into sitting still for six minutes. You know recognizing my Roth a little bit more and then now just having a little bit more of a relationship with myself in that time. Yeah and it's so interesting. How the there's a difference between the history in one's life of avoiding unpleasantness like anxiety. The things that may be difficult for us and the turning towards looking at these things a little more not to get to a point of overwhelmed but taking a peek. A little at a time manageable by but that turning towards is would really opens the door to climate stuff to process and working with it and making the changes that you need to whether it's each day six hundred one days of yoga meditation. That makes a huge difference after just a little bit of time with that. Yeah and you've continued to and I wanted to ask a little bit about that. So after your initial tax twenty days but you've kept up with it and maybe more than just the competitive and you want to get your numbers up because it tracks that we see that inside timer to get your scooby. Snack Gordon another star. It's there's more to come add so I'm wondering what it's been like for you. Now Pass that oil k. Kinda got this. But you're still doing what's bringing you back to the cushion practicing each day. I think that's a great question. I I think there's a couple of reasons a couple answers to it The first is that I. I've seen a difference like I didn't change you know two years ago when I started the the daily meditation. I didn't hadn't changed my diet at any point I hadn't changed. My husband didn't change like you know there wasn't anything that was you know. We're in the same house all the other things. The dogs the same so the one thing I changed was. I started meditating everyday and now I don't have panic attacks so I'm like the I like there's now as a correlation. Maybe there's some other but honestly maybe he's getting older you know. I I don't know but that seems very logical to me and being logical being I feel like it's it would be stupid to ignore. So there's there's like okay. I've actually seen a result. Why would I you know sacrifice? What ten minutes a day versus the Being taken out of the game with massive panic attack that.