A highlight from Living While Grieving

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Morning good afternoon. Good evening wherever you find yourself in this entire world. I welcome you. So how are you doing. My friend my warrior. I certainly hope this week finds you much better. We'd like to welcome our newest listeners. From the countries of nepal denmark and ukraine. Thank you for listening to us and please share us with your friends. Who may be grieving. Also i'd also like to take a moment to acknowledge my grandmother's anniversary of her death. She died today. March fourteenth in nineteen ninety five at seven thirty pm. I was so grateful that i was able to be with her when she moved from here to heaven. I miss her. I think of her often. She was so precious to me. As i'm sure your loved ones were so precious to you. And i just wanna take knowledge. This day i'd also like to remind you to visit the merrimack store and find some beautiful products not just for yourself but to give the gift to others who agree leaving and you can go to my website. Mary mack dot info and find the store tab at the top so today i like to talk to you about how to live while grieving. Now that may sound a little funny little silly almost but over my thirty five years of helping the bereaved. There have been many lovely folks who i've met along the way who after they've experienced the death of a certain person in my life well they've decided to emotionally bury their lives also. So what do i mean by that. Will they've buried so many parts of themselves for so long because the person they love is no longer with them. They may have buried their emotions by putting on a mask and acting. Like all is okay. When it clearly isn't they may have buried their physical body by using food as their crutch they may have buried themselves inside the house and isolating by not connecting with other family and friends. They may have buried themselves in work by becoming a workaholic. Working many more hours than is necessary because they can't stand to be home alone or they can't bear the grief that all their other family members are having. It's just too painful to see all the sorrow each night when they arrive home they may have buried themselves in housework to keep themselves busy to not think about the death of their loved one. If they stay busy they believe they can override their pain. They might even numb themselves with alcohol and drugs so they won't feel their overwhelming loss. They might you shopping or retail as a way to add more stuff to their closets and decor as a way to themselves all the while building debt that they don't need or can't pay off from their credit cards. There is no doubt that when we have experienced the death of someone especially close to us we grieve deeply and for a long period of time our whole world is turned upside down and whether we anticipated their death as in the case of a long perhaps chronic illness or whether it was sudden we are still shocked that they died when they did and how they did and that death and the shock it produces throws us into a state where all we can think about is our emotional pain and when and if we will ever recover from it. So how do you hibernate from your grave. How do you escape. What do you do to sidestep all this pain. There is no doubt that we are entitled to feel always feel for as long as we feel it yet. When i hear of people who cannot function in life cannot work cannot go outside cannot visit with people or those who choose not to. I am left wondering why it is that they have decided to basically exit from the rest of their lives. Now you may not do this to the extreme. You may just choose to do some part of it but if you really truthful with yourself you might ask yourself what part of my life have curtailed either temporarily or permanently since my loved one died. And what has this cost me. I recently watched another biography on. The life of queen victoria of great britain who lived from eighteen thirty seven to nineteen one before the current queen elizabeth the second she was the longest reigning monarch in the world. She became queen at eighteen and married her beloved prince albert yang and had nine children. They had a wonderful love affair. While handling the duties of queen of the british empire which included among others some caribbean islands india and hong kong at the time but at the age of forty two albert succumbed to typhoid fever and died leaving queen victoria inconsolable. From that moment on she wore only black and secluded herself completely for fifteen years. It wasn't until she met mr brown. Who befriended her that. She started to come out again and live her life with more joy when we love so deeply we grieve so deeply and we have a hard time acknowledging that they are no longer here with us. Perhaps it was a miscarriage or several. Perhaps it was a stillbirth or an infant death. A young child staff a teen staff a young adults staff. No matter how old you are when you lose a child it makes no sense. Children aren't supposed to predeceased their parents and he leaves us confused shocked that this could happen to us. Oh yes you've heard of others who became bereaved parents. But you never thought it could happen to you. Maybe it was your best sibling. A brother or sister who you shared everything with you. Thought you'd grow all together and your families would raise children together and go to graduations and weddings christenings together. Perhaps it was your parent or parents. You knew they'd probably die before you but did you ever think it would be so soon. There was so much more living they needed to do. And now you're alone and have become the matriarch or patriarch of your own family. Maybe it was your love. Your boyfriend girlfriend fiancee. Maybe even your spouse you had made all sorts of plans to live your lives together all the vacations you plan. Perhaps the wedding. You're planning the life you wanted to live together deciding on where you live and what type of home you share. How many children.

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