A highlight from #120: [Mentor Moment] How do I find the confidence to know what is best for my child?
This week's question is. How do i find the confidence to know what is best for my child. I love this question. It really made me think because honestly confidence has come really naturally to me entire life. And i haven't always been confidence and what's been best for our kids that never i feel like i've never spinning my wheels for too long. And you know we said as we were talking about this before we hit record we were talking about. How as we've gotten more knowledge from the india grant and understood really the different ways that people tick that that really informs this question too because now we kind of understand that different people are wired different ways and so they may draw confidence from different things. So there's not an easy one answer to this question which is why we thought it would be a great episode to kind of chat a little bit about because you may be thinking. That's a great question. I need to know the answer and then the answer might be different for everyone of you. Even when you're saying that you know like i've i've never really looked confidence. I thought oh my word. I lack confidence all the time. And so when my particular personality cannot. It's really hard for me to accept making mistakes. And so i often want to get information from other people to kind of help me make a choice. I'm more confident about where you have that. Just internally within you. And i just find that so so interesting as we were thinking about this we were thinking you know some of you listening may confidence in just getting more and more and more information and kind of the more you know than the more you having your toolbox and that in itself boosts your confidence And so you know that's one way you can think. What else do i need to know. That would help me feel more confident right and you might even have to make a list and say what are the questions i need answered in order to make this decision for my child and then really seek out the specific answers and then make the decision whereas like i just mentioned You know. I really liked to consult with other have gone before me. That works really really well for me so some parents might need to find a trusted authority. It could be that they have a wonderful doctor that helps. It could be that you have a parent coach or need apparent coach. That can direct you. You know that something that melissa's really walking through parents dealing with all kinds of behaviors. You might need someone to his just sort of an older wiser person. Who's walked ahead of you. Which is a little bit more what i do with mentoring or it could even be somebody that you follow their books like dan siegel are there so many great people out there and so you might be looking for trusted authority. Who can help you be confident in your decision. You know you may have a really you think like you have a gut feeling of what you think your child needs but you may have a lot of doubt that creeps in and you're not quite sure and so part of you thinks you know but you know what you really need is competence from affirmation of some people. Say you're absolutely on the right track like you trust your gut. You know what you're doing. Keep doing what you're doing just some encouragement and that can come from lots of different ways. A small group from a local support group from an online support group in lisa has a hope circle on facebook which provides so much encouragement for moms. Who would just say like you know. It's it's okay to feel like this is hard and keep doing what you're doing absolutely and of course one of the things we talk about a lot here and melissa especially talks a lot about redefining success. What does it actually mean to. You have confidence in making decisions for your child. What is that going to look like. What would success be for you in that. Yeah absolutely so. Thank you know confidence moving forward. If if you feel like your child's behavior is a measure of success and you're wondering what do i do to get you know the best outcome from behavior than none of us are really confident right. Because ultimately at the end of the day our kids make their own decisions for the for themselves and so that can leave us with our wheel spinning thinking. How do we changed their behavior. But if you really define success by putting one foot in front of the other doing the things that you know are the best things when it comes to relationship and providing for your child and setting them up for success and kind of let the rest you know the cards fall where they may then that gives you a new sense of confidence right because you don't have to worry about the outcome so much you just have to worry about the faithful steps. I think that really has bolstered. My confidence even more as an like. I just know what i am doing. I know that. I need to get up and smile at my kids. Every day and provide