1902: Let's Get Meta: A Strategy for Dealing with Painful Emotions by Dominique Alessi on Mindfulness

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Man. We can draw ourselves. Drawing indeed being able to get meta is a cool part. I think of being human the ability to step out of system we exist in to observe ourselves and our actions from an outsider's view often leads to profound insights and surly engages us in some entertaining mental gymnastics while may seem these types of explorations are reserved for late night philosophical conversations amongst young adults getting high for the first time. They'll have some practical applications in particular. This type of thinking can be an effective way to deal with painful emotions emotions to get meta. There's how we feel such as angry or sad and then there's how we feel about how we feel such as ashamed that were angry. There's also how we feel about how i about how we feel and so on but meaning is lost after a few interruptions and i find it most productive to focus on the first two distinguishing between emotions and meta emotions can be really helpful practice. The most of us don't really think about our emotions in this way. At least non explicitly dealing with painful emotions in particular. We tend to take two approaches. Number one suppressing numbing or changing emotions. Painful emotions are well painful and so many of us will try to suppress that emotion numb it or otherwise change into something more positive. Maybe we ignore that the pain exists and just put on a happy face. Maybe we over indulge in pleasurable activities to relieve the pain. Maybe we try to logic ourselves out of it. Whatever the case these techniques. Don't really work emotions. Need validation and space to run their course and trying to push them away. As ultimately destructive toward our wellbeing is also pretty darn hard to change our initial emotional reaction to something trying to teach ourselves to not feel sad in response to a sad situation is doable. Perhaps but requires a lot of focused. Effort mentor meta motions was happening. Here really is that we feel about feeling the emotion and the meta emotion or in agreements and both are telling us to do whatever we can to stop feeling the but emotions and meta emotions don't need to be congruent. You can feel sad but you can feel content about feeling sad. Contentment doesn't equal sadness. But the coexist in these two layers in fact this is the tremendous power of meta motions. We can validate and give space tormo motions without letting them consume our entire being similar to how we can observe our thoughts without engaging them hashtag. Meditation we can learn to separate our meadow emotion from the core emotion finding peace amidst chaos contentment and pain or number two unleashing emotions. The second popular approach to dealing with a painful emotion is to funnel that emotion directly into our actions often towards other people. If we're angry we might yell at our colleagues. If we're jealous of a friend or partner we might try to control their every. Move or set unrealistic expectations of them. If we feel threatened or insecure we might lash out in a volatile way is absolutely important to find ways to express painful emotions but we should be thoughtful about how we do this shoving your anger into a partners. Face on argue is less productive than releasing anger through vigorous workout again meta motions. Play a key role in adopting these healthier coping mechanisms. We can decide how he wanna feel about emotion and then let that meta motion not the it self dictate our actions. We can feel anger but choose to act in a calm way or perhaps. Just take a minute to observe our anger and decide on an appropriate outlet for it. Either case we're not resisting or keeping ourselves over entirely to the emotion. We're validating it and choosing how we want to deal with it. Also point out that separating out emotions from meta emotions were labeling of emotions which in itself is super powerful. Men is actually often used as a technique negotiations labeling intense negative emotions for example verbalizing that. What a person is feeling is fear diffuses their intensity and thus up the door for empathy and productive conversation. This technique works well between two individuals at a high stakes negotiation table. His shirley can work within our own minds as well. And we may find that the simple act of labeling removes the need to unleash at all while it may feel a bit clunky and overly rational to distinguish between emotions and metamorphoses. This framing should ultimately feel freeing. We can let our emotions roam free without judgment and instead focus our energy. I how we want to feel about deal with an act in response to how feel

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