A highlight from Understanding Your Teen's Behavior (Part 1 of 2)
Dr jeremy clarke shears. The situation that's pretty common in his home with one of his teenage daughters. I have one daughter that literally will come home. And there's a shoe and then another shoe and then there's a sock and then there's a sock and then there's a backpack and then there's a a rapper to popcorn and then there's popcorn bag and then there's a lawsuit crusher for me. I can get frustrated. Like how many times we have to save pick up after president. Whatever well we know. Alison brain needs scaffolding. It we need to help them build to their maturity. Will you'll be hearing more from our guest today about your teen and their brain development and how to help them build a good foundation. This is focused on the family. Your host is focused president and author. Jim daly and i'm john fuller john. Here's a thought today. We're going to learn what's going on inside the brain of our teenagers which i think every parent should be interested in him and as a dad. Let me tell you two young men. I'm looking forward to hearing this great conversation. So i can learn more precisely what is going on in my two boys brains. We're going to talk with dr jeremy and jerusha clark and they bring it They are experts. I might add in this area of team development. It's very informative. And i'm sure their parents who are saying what's going on with my teenager normal. You may not ask that question. But if you're normal you're gonna ask that question. What's happening is a lot of brain chemistry changes. That's what's going on physiological. Changes emotional changes hormonal changes. All those things it's what makes the teenage years So difficult to cope as a teenager and then as a parent trying to help them cope as teenagers. And today we want to equip us so you can better understand where they're at where they're coming from and how to be more effective in your parenting strategies with your teen. A great resource to help is the book written by our guests called. Your teenager is not crazy and we do have copies of that. The details are in the episode notes. And jeremy clarke served as a youth pastor for seventeen years. He's now a pastor to ministry leaders through standing stone ministry located in costa mesa california n. a. Jerusha is a writer and speaker and along with jeremy. They have two teen girls at their own. Let's go ahead and listen in now on this conversation on today's episode of focus on the family jeremy and jerusha welcome to focus. Thank you for having jerusalem. You were actually here. You talked about postpartum depression. Seven years ago. So thanks for coming back. That was a powerful program and we appreciate your openness in that environment to share those things with us. Today we're going to crack open all his brain which obviously john and i are very interested in law along with about a million other listeners. Right now before we get in there You do speak to a lot of teenagers and have for many years What do teenagers tell you in that kind of an event format where maybe you come to church and you're doing a teen night and they'll line up to talk with you. I mean i know what that feels like. Because i've done a bit of that. What do they tell you that. Maybe they're not telling their parents. That's such a great question. And in fact we structured the entire book based on things that teenagers say. So the first chapter is you don't understand. There are chapters. Like why are you freaking out. Would you expect from me. I can't take this. i hate my life. We rarely try things that teenagers would say to us. And made those the focal points of each chapter. And what was remarkable. Was that we were able to see biologically in each chapter something that was occurring and then find the different dimensions that worked into the relationship aspect between parents and their children and finely spiritual truth. There was not one time where there was not an application from scripture. That was so exciting to us because it really was a holistic approach and instead of having to read multiple books on the subject we tried to bring everything to the parents so they could know what's going on physiologically psychologically and spiritually in one book. That was our goal. This is a terrific resource. In fact gene when i was going over the prep and reading the book Over the last few days she said bring that one home. I really i always. I got a home run. She says hey. Make sure i get that book so but let's talk about the science. So let's get into that for a minute and then we'll come back to some of your stories. But what's the broad science the emitted delay in the development of the brain and the systems that are going on that really impact Puberty moment you know when that prepubertal child is now moving into puberty what's happening well leading neuroscientists discovered this. Just about twelve tops. Maybe fifteen years ago that as they could image and look at the brain that the brain from eleven about eleven girls and twelve and a half and boys the adolescent brain begins to prune from the back to the front in this pruning is significant and as the brain. prunes major. Things happen in an it can account for the erotic behavior that you experienced in your adolescence. Life and so as the brain from the back to the front begins to prune mean by pruning just need to know. Is that the shedding of brain cells. or what. Well it's actually very interesting. Because in late childhood there's a radical and very explosive growth. They call it arbor to a tree growing new branches and then at this Shifting point as jeremy was mentioning there begins to be specialization so the pruning is actually the process of the brain moving toward adulthood. So it really is a use it or lose it time interesting right so as a young person begins to go through this process. It can often be very confusing for them very much confusing for parents. Sure look. I felt like i was an all star of young toddlers when my girls were little. I would raise home to see them. I'd open the door. And i'd heard these here these little screams and they would run down the wall and hug my legs. I just would play with them until they went to bed. I felt like i was an all star at that point and then things changed and it began to get difficult for me and i began to fill frustrated that i didn't have that kind of relationship with them anymore. And this research has given me great clarity into what's happening with my teenage daughters. I don't have to just white knuckle this time. I can keep growing. But it's underlying things in. This is what i love about your book. You're you're helping parents better understand what's going on in the mind literally of your teenager and that's what i love jerusha. You mentioned something with your oldest. When she turned twelve that you begin to feel apprehensive nervous. What was going on. yeah. I mean though jeremy and i had worked with teenagers for many years i started realizing how fearful i was of the teenage years. People make such a big deal of how difficult it is. And you've got teenagers now. And i realized i was dealing with a lot of fear and i had to take that to the lord and ask for help and peace and one of the ways because he's wired me to investigate and be curious. That's one of the reasons that i jumped into this research. I needed to know. Because i didn't want to just try to get through these years. I wanted to actually enjoy them as much as i mean again. Some people listening don't have a relationship with the lord. It's one of the great things. I appreciate about the radio program. John not everybody. Is there describe what that means when you pray to the lord. What did you actually Receive back that began to give you greater confidence that your fear began to dissipate.