Corinne, Kim Scott, Karen discussed on Mint Arrow Messages
I love self-help books. I love business books. And one of the books that i picked up somewhat recently was radical candor and and i am not necessarily recommending it. I think there are good things about it so for anyone that is gonna come out me about like that's has a lot of ribs in it does so don't read it if if that's something that will bother you but also for anyone who's like that books amazing. I can't believe you're gonna challenge it. I think they're really good things not book. But here's what happened to me. So i started reading radical candor and i was probably halfway through it and it really challenges you to get really honest and give very clear transparent feedback with people. It has a lot of other. There are a lot of other principles that teaches. But that's kind of the main when right. So this is one of the quotations. That kind of sums up the whole idea of the book which is it's brutally hard to tell people when they are screwing up. It is just so uncomfortable. Meals loves that right giving feedback. I don't it's hard. it's it's it's extremely uncomfortable. A lot of time in has white personality especially discovered my personality chasing usually celebrate it chases. Yeah well we are trying to celebrate it but a he does try to kind of typically avoid things where i usually try to lean into them but this book was even more challenging me in a way where i was like okay. Giving clear feedback is a good thing and in the book says clearest kind and she tells this whole story about how the author talks about how. She's walking her dog and the stranger and she hadn't really disciplined the dog very well. She hadn't really taught it to sit or stay or listen to commands and a stranger stopped her. And basically said you're gonna you're gonna die because of you because you have not taught your dog how to listen to commands. This is the exact quote she says. I can tell you. Love your dog but that dog will die if you teach it to sit so the author kim scott talks about how she realizes that she needs to teach her dog to sit so that her dog doesn't run out in the street and in the same sense in business or in other aspects of life. If you don't tell people when they're doing something wrong then they're probably going to resign later on. Once they realized that you just have been withholding that information from them and this is a little bit different. But i remember when. I had a ballet teacher when i was probably like. I don't know eight or nine years old and at the very beginning of the year she called me corinne and i just didn't correct her because i felt like it would make her feel awkward so i just kept letting corinne and even though my name is pronounced karen and then at the end of the year my mom i think like was that my recital or something and she called me corinne. My mom looked at me and was like you haven't told her how to say your name this whole time. And so ever since then. I've tried to correct people quickly unless i'm like this. Is someone out you know the delta counter or in the grocery store or something that i will probably never see again in my lifetime. Sometimes those people. I won't say anything to but if it's someone. I think there's even a small chance that i'm going to interact with them again. I always tell them. Oh it's actually korean. And that's just something that i've learned to even if it makes them. I'm so sorry like if it makes them feel uncomfortable. I'd still just rather have that interaction upfront than wait a really long time. And then it's then it gets weird right when you're like you've actually been saying my name wrong for a really long time. You know so anyway back to my blunder. So i was reading this book and really trying to internalize it and trying to challenge myself to have radical candor in all aspects of my life and there was a situation where i was in a group setting and someone did something that i was like. Oh that made me really uncomfortable and not me personally necessarily but just like they didn't do something toward me to make me feel uncomfortable stomach sense but there was an interaction within the group that i was like all. That doesn't sit well with me. And most of all i was like i really respect this person and i don't think they understand how maybe that came across so after in private which i think is a total key like you always want to give feedback especially if it's something that is a little bit like corrective or were is a criticism of any kind. You always wanna do that in private. So i told this person in private later on. Like hey. I don't know if you realize this. But i think you know this may have come across this way and if i were you i want to know and i don't regret necessarily telling them that because i think i that's true i would have wanted to know if i was if the situation was reversed but i walked away from that feeling kind of awkward. Like oh like. I think that was right but i don't know that i delivered it all that well so i went home to. I was in utah like a week or two later. And i was there for this business retreat and i was hanging out with my dad and i was like dad. Let me tell you about the situation. So i tell him the whole story and i was like a you have to give feedback to people all the time like you were just barely an emission presidency for eighteen months where you worked with all of these missionaries where you were having to kind of give them correct guidance and you're a senior partner at a law firm. My dad's patent attorney and know you work with all these associates that come in. They're fresh out of school and it's like their first robe job out of law school and i know you have to give them corrective feedback all the time. How do you do that. So that's kind of what we're gonna talk about. Today was his advice to me. which was after. I told him the whole story. He was like well cran. Like i think it was good that you gave this honest feedback. But here's how i would have done it..