Molina, California, Lorna Bremner discussed on Closure Optional
All got that voice in our head that tells us, we can't do stuff. But some people are just better at not listening to 'em by sitting down with us people asking them questions, and then according blasting it out on the internet, perhaps, maybe I can help other people like me get out of our own. Welcome back to closure. Optional I don't have guests for you this week because this week, I'm going to be summarizing all of the Cillian nonsensical shit. We got up to on our main venture adventures, if you don't know what I'm talking about. If this is the first podcast you've ever listened to then I'll quickly explain myself. With this podcast once a month. We decide on a challenge for the whole month. And by we I mean myself and my flatmate, who have kinda roped into these challenges, and she's ended up actually being probably better at them than me and most circumstances. And the idea is we'll come up with anything like whatever the fuck it needs to be this originally idea came from me, visiting my brother in California, and his girlfriend in him, do a some kind of challenge once a month, like food related, whether they can't eat anything that has plastic and don't use any plastic for the month or. You know, no sugar, no meat whatever. So I loved this idea that they were doing that. So I started doing it and over the last year, we've done a new challenge for every single month. I think we started in. ES August last year. So it's almost been a year that we've been doing this, and this month. The challenge was that we had to go on an adventure every weekend of the month, and it doesn't sound like that's that hard to do. Sounds like it's going to be really fun. And it was fun. But it was pretty interesting to see that the way that both of us reacted to a new life situations and be having to orient our lives around and schedule our time appropriately in order to go out and do the silly shit that we did this whole month before I get into the podcast just want to quickly say, thank you, as always to everyone who supporting this podcast by the patriot page or participating in my dumb shit on the internet or sharing it with your friends, or whatever, or sending me messages. At the end of each podcast. I fuck in really, really appreciate it. This I wouldn't have been able to go an interview any of the people that I did on our travels over the last month if it weren't for you guys in fact because. Because. Your patronage has purchased us a new digital recorder that I cannot take with me anywhere in the world and record this podcast. So that was a huge step forward. It also operates in my studio, and allows me to upgrade, all my Queant that I was using from nineteen twenty seven, so I really really really appreciate the support you guys. And I know I say it all the time, and I hope you don't think that I'm just saying because I feel like I have to the honestly, there would be no point in doing this podcast, if they weren't people out there, getting something out of it, enjoying it, and I let him know that they exist. So e could be a little bit of a self-indulgent wing fest. I feel like I'd kind of do it anyway, because it's fun for me to do this job. But it makes it way, more fun when I know that people are actually listening to it. So you if you're not a patron of this podcast, what you want to be, you can do that at patriotic dot. Com. It's PAT R O, N dot com slash Lorna Bremner. And you can pick any level that you want to, whatever you're comfortable with and send you some fun shit at depending on the level you do. Or you can share it with your friends, obviously, like my Facebook page or Instagram fade page, they're both just called Lorna Bremner. I know that's a little bit confusing because the podcast is called closure. Optional it was because originally, I thought that I was going to be an artist when I grew up. And so I made those pages thinking that I was going to show off my artwork so that I could become a real life artist one day. And then it turns out, I didn't have the discipline, wherewithal or confidence to do that. And now I make art work as a hobby and do this shit for real. So. I think it's all worked out for the best to be honest. I think I'm probably better at this than I am and making our work, but it's fun because the two things go hand in hand, every time I added a podcast, I always make a drawing and usually if I can finish the drawing and it's not a total piece of shit. I give it to the guest that I'm editing. And this case that will be me. Won't so enough of that onto the subject of today's podcast, this podcast today is not going to have a lot of moral fiber in it, you guys, unfortunately, maybe it's because I started drinking again, and I just don't give a fuck about anything. I, I don't know. I every time I do a solo podcast spend fucking hours researching and idea coming up with formulation of what I want to say and how I want to say it, and I ride, a big old thing about it, and try and make it sound cool and interesting and fun and give you some moral idea that you can run off into the world with and feel like you're growing a human being. But sometimes I wonder if a little bit of my silly personality gets a bit lost in that because I'm too focused on trying to teach something and just saying that makes me feel like fucking pretentious and stupid to be like, you know, professing that I know something that you wouldn't. And maybe sometimes you guys just want to hear a cool story or not, or whatever, I don't know. So if this comes across as self-indulgent, please send me a message and be like you fucking idiot go back to actually trying and maybe we'd like you better. Usually social say shame and degradation kicked me in the ass and makes me do things better. So by all means, you know, don't hold back, I care that you guys enjoy what this is. So I hope these stories will be entertaining and fun for you today, but be warned. There's not a lot of moral fiber going on. I have wondered a little bit if that I'm drinking again, I should be very careful about the way I say that, while we've gone off on these trips I have drunk approximately two beers. On each of the Saturday nights that I've been out with Molina on these trips and. Yeah. I think like to have a drink every weekend is probably not helping my self confidence and psyche because I think it's just been so rigidly stuck in my head that drinking's a shitty idea, and it's poisonous. And it's not good for you. So, like I think I'm beating myself up a little bit. I still don't I soon as I get to two beers. I'm enjoying myself. I have one beer and it feels nice. And I have the second one and it feels okay. And then as soon as I'm considering going to third or start third beer. I feel immediately sick. And then I get the fear so bad about having a hangover or being depressed or going back to the state of mind that I was in, when I was drinking all the time that are just immediately. Stop and give up. So I think I think it's a good thing. I don't really wanna see myself being a drinker again. But I don't know. I wonder if that's been kind of impacting myself confidence last couple of weeks. Also have been exercising as much as I'd like to because my arm. Capes dislo. At least ligaments in my oboe, and my radius, my bone in my arm dislocates, every time I throw a punch, so it's fucking scary. The worst feeling. So I don't know. I think of been in a bit of a funk this week and last week. And I'm not going to blame it on our trips because I think our trips really exciting. But one thing that tends to happen. I feel like people when you have new experiences it stirs up a lot of your old behavior patterns and kind of rooted in stuck patterns that are inside your personality on your psyche. And sometimes, I guess, for me at least it seems to be showing me patterns of behavior myself that I thought I had changed for wanted to change and probably what's actually happened is that I've just shut down my external inputs lot more. So I haven't been. Probably need to explain this idea better. I thought that I had like cured certain tendencies in myself over the last couple of years, because I wasn't out drinking. I wasn't out chatting away two boys and doing embarrassing stupid things or feeling self conscious about shit. But really, what's actually happening is that I've been spending so much more time on my own working on my own shit that I rarely have much interaction with the outside world, except for the people that I interact with the gym. So when I actually do go out into the world and do different things those old tendencies still creep back up as much as I thought I've dealt with them, it's probably more than I just haven't been experiencing them. So this is pretty interesting. The places that we went to over this month. We I went to Byron bay because my brother came to visit me from California was the first time in twelve years, that member of my family has come to visit me in Australia. And it was so fun. He brought his fiancee over and we had a really, really good times. The first trip was down to Byron bay the second trip we went to Coffs Harbour via Grafton and third trip. We went to stand Thorpe and Tenterfield which is like, straight west Queensland from the Gold Coast straight out, stand Thorpe, and then down Tenterfield New South Wales. They're just like all right along the border, these states, and then back up through the northern rivers of New South Wales to Queensland and then this weekend, when you're going to be hearing, this podcast, we will be up in the Sunshine Coast for our last adventure of venture. Who is pretty crazy actually speaking of habits I, I thought, yeah. Like he's probably sounds to you what fucking dumb challenge. It's not hard to go. Have fun on a weekend. But the way of them building my life over the last six months, I've actually made it incredibly difficult for myself to go and do anything because I am completely self sustainable. I have a job that pays me, basically pays for my bills where I teach time work at the gym. And then outside of that, I do freelance video work. My podcast. Obviously, my own video projects, and I have personal training clients that I organize myself, so everything outside of my few twenty hours a week or whatever that I do at the gym is all off my own back in that. I've got to chase up and organize and create time for in my day. So some days, I'll do like a fourteen or sixteen hour day without realizing it because I'm doing different types of work, but I'm just working constantly all day, and usually what I do is fucking procrastinate. Like I'll just do this stupidest. Mike procrastination is so intelligent that I can't even tell that I'm procrastinating, because I've convinced myself that whatever this dumb thing is that I've decided I need to do are just go and do that. And then I'm like, oh, yeah. This is the most important thing. This is what I need to be doing right now. When, in fact, the truth is a no, what I need to be doing the shit that I'm going to get paid for this going to progress my career in something or that's going to give meaning in my life. Not like folding my socks and three different ways. And then stacking them in my class. No learning. Getting your shit together. It's really important to fold your socks up, so that people know that you've got your shit together. Maybe it would be better to book, some more clients work on my book, or whatever anyways. So I'm so clever. Procrastinating that I ended up fucking procrastinating all week and then by the weekend, I haven't got the podcast on our haven't got the video worked on or whatever. I will just cram it all into three days. And by the end of three eighteen hour days fucking exhausted, rectors, so the next week, I start all over. Doing nothing. So in having may venture now and Molina's the same she's not as bad as as me. I don't know. I can't tell I can't speak on her behalf, but she also works for herself from home. So. If she had the option she would just work twenty four seven she just sit in front of that computer like a black hole, and be lost to this world forever. So even though we live with each other, and we work with each other at the gym. We still don't spend very much quality time together because we're both just in this black hole of chaos in our own nonsense. So we said to each other, all right? Let's plan our week better, let's actually give ourselves a weekend. We are committing to going away from our computers out into the nother world somewhere else in. So we must better schedule our time so that we can actually live our lives. So I've gotten so wrapped up in the cycle of just doing shit without thinking about it, and not really organizing my time that I can't really tell how much time spending on shit and how much time I'm wasting. And so this was very eliminating the first week of me, not having this two and a half days at the end of the weeks of jam all the shit that I didn't do all weekend and a route away. It's tough man. I, I don't know I'm going to bad habit..