Scott, NEF, Ethan discussed on The Psychology Podcast with Scott Barry Kaufman
Okay this will be okay to this will pass. Is there common things people say. Did it will eventually pass eventually received into the back on. It will be okay confidence coping. You say you know you know you can do these kinds of things so you know you'll find a way to do this Challenge appraisal you know. We might say so. What really is the challenger. What do i need to do the same i think. That sort of bleeds into the flexibility secrets. The self-talk for the flexibility sequence might be like for the context sensitivity is is kind of what i just challenge appraisal. What's happening. What do i need to do. What is it that's bothering so much need bothering me so much. End the flexibility sequence. I'm sorry the part is what am i able to do. What am i good at. What can i can. I use here. That i naval to do and in the last part really the feedback partner car weeks. Decide how it's working is. Basically simple is is work is does. This seemed like is the problem. Still there i do in those you know. In in the book i listed a chart of these are basic self talk for these sequences of flexibility mindset. Nfu other examples. any i suggest people can make their own if they're comfortable with these and of course there's another kind that ethan crosses a lot of work on on what's called this itself talker objective south and then in that case you talking to third person. Use your name so you might say you might say for example. No scott you can do this or you know scott. You've done this before you know you can do this. You know things like that and that's very effective. Actually yeah. I think that relates to like kristen. Nef's research himself compassion. She often says. Treat yourself you know Like you treat a friend and say it'd be like scott like i love you. You know you can do this. And i think also when you speak in by self-serve person. There was a certain kind of you can applaud yourself much more easily in a sense or or or remind yourself that you can do things you have done good at some some things you know for sure. Are there any other era tips for being able to boost your flexibility mindset. And you're the the whole sequence that you're talking about Other than self talk and what you've talked about already. Well i think one of the things. We learned that we haven't used this whole thing in any kind of training intervention yet. Although some colleagues of mine have mentioned that the kind of loose weight one of my colleagues when they who's in the book talk about her. She's a. She's a really really terribly talented inclination. She's really good and she works with people under great duress in. She has been experimenting with trying to talking about the flexibility secrets primarily and You know having people step back a little bit and think about the sequence again you know. It's it's really focusing was happening in the moment rather than the whole in a broad spectrum which is often looks really bad the people instead of focusing on the moment where you can actually do before you know it. You've actually gone through a lot of the pieces that will make it so it won't be so So i think you know when i think of insight she had was when you're right in the middle of something really really difficult. It's a little harder to develop improve any of these skills and think of them as skills. So i think it would be really a really a very.