Talking to Your Kids About Sex With Shafia Zaloom
She fears aloom welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. Yes. Of course. I'm excited that you're here because I have been on this sort of obsessive track lately around I mean for for many years I've been doing this. You've been do in doing this for longer than I. Have I think but I've been doing about fifteen years and it was mostly you know educating talking to adults who want to realize is that now I have a lot of young people, my life three nieces who are teens and friends, kids age and. In the last five ten years. Wow there. There's no sex education. I realize how similar the questions that people are asking me that the young people are asking me adolescents about sex are very similar to what adults are asking, and also a lot of people calling in listening this show because now they have teenagers and they want to know what do we do? How do we talked about Saxon problem because? If they parents never learned how do we actually talk to our kids about sex I know you've made this your life's work. and. So Sheffield tell me a little about yourself like what's your? What's your background? How'd you get into sex education? we you know I always had to have really positive relationships in my life and that made all the difference for me in a really quality education. and. So I was a social worker when I first got out of school and was working with. Kids in treatment centers as an alternative to incarceration who had a lot you know who are wrestling with a ton of issues at all really revolves around relationships or you know the type of relationships they had had as they were growing up and after several years of that realized, they really needed to get into more preventative work versus so much inventive work so that I could sustain my own life and start a family and do all those things and because relationships in education had always been such a strong force in my life I chose that path and started I. Guess It's been. Twenty five years now and that sort of what took me to this place? Yeah, I got it. So tell me how do we approach talking to teens about sex when a lot of parents are feeling that they don't have the information themselves that it's still taboo and shameful I mean. There are a lot of really great resources out there I think part of it is there's just so much information and so much about sexuality that you really have to know where to find them and I think that a sex positive approaches we all strive for like we all want to raise our. Kids to be good people of positive enriching relationships yet romantic as well as sexual ones and so I think it really is twofold I. The information is out there find the medically accurate information from credible resources and showed that with your kid in developmentally appropriate ways and you're educating yourself along the way it is. Okay. no-one taught us this you know either so we are pioneers and you know if you can talk to your friends and say you know I, don't really know how to do this. How are you doing this and source each other to create a sense of solidarity typically as? Parents you know we we tend to lady to do this together. Especially if our kids are younger, we do that really well as they get older teenagers tend to want their independence and we tend to not have as many opportunities to connect with each other but we should find those places where you can connect with each other. You know test the waters and see how open and comfortable those folks artist say like, how do we do this? How can we communicate consistent messages that aligned with our own personal family values, but also give kids the information they need to keep themselves in their friends safe. And with your kids in those conversations, you're really it's the value of these small victories are collecting moments your scaffolding this over time it's not one big giant talk. It's little ones over longer periods of time and it's OK. In fact, it's a tremendous gift to be able to say to your kid to role model healthy vulnerability in an effort to connect in an authentic way. To say I don't know, but this is really important and sometimes the most important conversations are the hardest ones to have, and so let's find out this information together and figure this out in a way that works with all the things we've been teaching all along. Now for some parents, kids suddenly start screaming I'm running from the room you know whatever it is I, don't want do. Don't learn. They might happen to have equality health program. It's one. Nelson say but I I I know everything I need to know don't worry about it. Learning learn it in school. The thing is, is that parents are absolutely the primary sexuality educator in life It can't be they're not the only one that they're certainly the primary one and your the consistent person that they are going to be connected to throughout their life, and so those people who teach them you know education relationship, education, educational those things they're gonNA, come and go. They'll have an impact. It's a huge blessing to have that resource. But really you're the consistent will run and their ethical aspects to sex education that like those family values that are essential to it only you can teach those to your kid. So parenting adults are really important in that role.