Let Go of the Guilt With Valorie Burton
Welcome to episode two, hundred, Seventy, seven of happy now. This is Paula helps thanking you for joining us again this week. All of us feel guilty from time to time. But if you're having trouble letting go of guilt, well, you're not alone. Gill is a difficult emotion, but today's guest is here to talk about why it's so tough to manage and how we can do that better. Valorie Burton is founder of the Coaching Positive Psychology Institute and has written a dozen books on personal development. Her latest book let go of the guilt uses a unique combination of research faith and personal experiences to give us new tools for getting rid of that pesky little called guilt. Valerie. Welcome to live. Happy now. Thank you pollen led to be here. Actually I should say welcome back live happy. Now because we have hedge on the show before, but it's been a long time and now you're talking about a different topic and it's one that I think everybody listening is going to relate to so. I have to know first of all, what made you decide to start studying and writing about guilt? Own Guilt. Yeah, I thought it was just me and the first time I realized it wasn't just me. I was speaking to a group of women leaders I was the keynote it was like three thousand women and they asked me to do a breakout session for working parents and I was like that's know I'm not an expert. At work very hard but okay, I am working. And I mentioned guilt like you the beginning and there was this collective mon like yet tell us about it and women just started raising their hands telling me what they felt guilty about. and. From there, I just began just asking around and then I was like. Is it possible? Women are more prone to feeling guilt because that's how it sounds like. I talked to my husband and he's like, what are you? Why are you WanNa, guilt what is that? and. So that's how that's how I came to write a book about it as I. Just I realized that I think it's a a topic that many of us feel but we don't. We don't necessarily talk much about. And I wanted to let go for myself and I wanted to be able to help others do that as well. When you you brought up a really good point that women are affected or seemed to be affected by way more than men so. Do you know is that really true and if so why? Well, that was the really interesting piece to me. I really wanted to know, is it just my anecdotal? I'm I'm sensing that. That's true. And as it turns out, it appears that we are wired a bit differently. I. Mean We know that. But there are some ways that we are wired that create what I call a gender gap. So one we tend to be more other focused and guilt is an other focused emotion. It's typically you know I, I feel like I may have harmed someone that's not always sometimes it's just did something wrong but. It is I did something wrong and that may have heard someone else. We have more a more complex range of emotions. So we feel emotion more strongly whether it's really positive emotions or negative emotions and we also tend to be more empathetic. So if you think about that, we're always thinking about others feelings concerned about others feelings we are more prone to perfectionism which is. Largely about expectations. So if you feel like you're falling short of expectations often you're gonNA feel guilty and beat yourself up. So they're all of those factors in addition to the cultural factors consider that there are more expectations on women than in decades past. So there's all this opportunity for second guessing doing it wrong and then men one study said men are guilt deficient until.