How Do I Explain My Food Triggers To My Friends & Family?
Hello. Welcome to this bonus episode of dissect tomorrow on Aline I'm Sammy. And we're. Back. So we have to come up with a better like opener we're back. Here I've. We have arrived at the season and we're live except not like we're a prerecorded. Okay. Today even deer D. S. t. a male and Sammy do you want to do the honors? Yes. I will do the honors Dear Sammy lean absolutely. Loved the DNC episodes and have been following your podcast for over a year now my boyfriend and I, have bonded over our shared love for fitness. and. Organic foods have been working through an eating disorder for over six years and made a lot of progress you to therapy reading podcast like yours etc. I have two main questions. One have slowly been opening up about my eating disorders, my boyfriend. But every time I share something new I get scared that I told too much and that my problems will scare him away is there Any right way to go about sharing this with someone new. The only people that really the extent of my disorder is my therapist and one close friend who shares similar struggles to how do I tell my boyfriend that although the things we previously bonded over our syllabus importance and interest to me but set boundaries but certain triggering words like clean, indulging healthy, good or bad for example. When we eat a snack at night he'll say something like you're indulging with me. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but the word indulging makes me feel like it's bad or that I'm being judged I guess I just need help addressing my boundaries in a way that isn't putting blame him. Thanks for everything. You do I love this podcast and community love day one batch. It's a great question and I can like. Feel that because I feel her. Not. Pain. But I I I think she's approaching in a in a good way like in the sense that she's not like questioning the relationship she's just saying like how can I take this into my own hands it could change the conversation. Yeah Well okay. So scary when you start to if you if you have like a something that you really dealt with a real trauma and like an eating disorder. Really as she was describing falls into that category I. Think like when you start dating anyone unless you met because you have that particular thing in common. Dots a tough thing to any sort of trauma. It's tough to explain or like convey and set boundaries anyone like I will say in the beginning of mine relationship like it was very hard for me to or it wasn't hard once I did it but it was hard to like know when and how to explain my family dynamics to Avi and like some of the things I had experienced in my family and I felt like very shame full about them and I- I. Distinctly remember going Iceland and being with my friend there and like having like a panic attack to her like what if he finds out like this about my family finds out meaning like I tell him and he doesn't like me anymore or he doesn't like think like that. We are compatible because of it and I was like really nervous about that and I was really nervous like that. That would like screw up things and then I would feel like even more shame too traumatized but I think like if you and this person are. Aligned and like if an. From this scars that she's like pretty stable insane I don't know why. like self aware. Yes. Self aware. Like. I i. think if he's the right partner for you, he will understand That you have been something and that, and he'll probably like be adoptable to some of these changes. If especially, if it's just like words a not like saying certain things around food I imagine and also if he's not like really supportive like you, it would jeopardise jeopardize your recovery to stay with him. So that's true I didn't even think of that. Yeah. So I think it's actually important that you. Say in whatever timing and manner feels right for you and then. Like see how he takes it, and that actually is like pretty meaningful. I. Also think that don't have any kind of expectations of what you want that person to say back because they don't know really what to say back like this. Is it even nearly as close to zero as about an eating disorder anything it's more like a confrontation with rusty I was like. I talked about getting ready anniversary and I was like really struggling finding an outfit. Again, not traffic. Really struggling finding out because they didn't ask any like. I just didn't nothing was spinning right and I just whatever, and I was really seeing a long time and then I finally was a long time 'cause I was. Almost ready like no, and then I was just like I didn't want to tell him what I was going through because he's can't relate. Like he can't. An. Understanding. That is a lot of peace of how you communicate. and. So I said it I decided it would help me it would probably make me feel better for shared. So I said I was like, Hey, you probably need to tell you how I'm feeling right now. You don't to say anything I don't care I just want to tell you this is on going through maybe it's slightly irrational but this is why it's taking me so long to do this and so I share like I'm not really feeling good about myself and And having trouble finding something to wear and he's kind of how sorry like I'll wait I'll wait for number we'll be late to do it and