Twitter, Brown, Rachel King discussed on Medium Playback

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Just. Yes or go back to your mother's basement, which is my favorite. You're greet with the Twitter. I, I wish I could just take my Twitter troll ethos and bring it to real life when people are assholes in real life. It rarely works that way. But if I have a screen in front of me, watch out. One of the things we write about in the story is how you keep trying to face the extent of your happiness and how that unhappiness is often connected to your body and recognizing that even if you do lose weight, the unhappiness may still be there. So what are you doing now to try to chip away at that unhappiness? I'm definitely back in therapy and working through my emotional landscape for lack of a better word and just trying to. I mean, I, I'm natural depressive. I always have been. I actually went off Prozac so I could finish hunger because it's harder to write when I'm Medicated and. So I'm just trying to find ways of being able to function and just dealing with my emotions and my history and my present and myself, and it's difficult, expensive work. But it's also useful work and I'm glad that I am in a financial position to get there, and I wish everyone was because really invaluable. When you wrote that when you looked in the mirror after the surgery, you didn't feel like you saw any real changes in your body, even though you knew that you were losing weight. How is your self image now evolving? I don't see any changes. It's incredibly frustrating, and I just have made peace with that. Like it is what it is, and I just try to like get through each day and figure out like, okay, what do I need to do to get through today? Everyone says a first years, just terrible and they're not wrong. It's fucking terrible. And so I'm just like focusing on, it's not always going to be the shitty and you do also talk about these moments of rebellion. You have where you sort of try to rebel against your new body and eat the way. It you were eating before and then you're reminded that that's not possible there. Do you still find yourself going through those moments of rebellion? Oh, absolutely. But I mean not as much anymore because like I mean, I if only tried it a couple times to be honest, because it just it's so uncomfortable physically that it's just not even worth it. It's just like the shit again. Fuck it. Like you literally. It's just, I mean, I guess that's why the surgery works, especially early on just there is such a hard wall that you hit after like half a Cup of food, and it's so the Wallis of very hard wall. There's no breaking through there's no like four thing food down. Like if you do, you'll throw up. And so you know, that's weird to like have that limitation where before in there was no limit. I, you know, there was no limit and it's just weird. I know writers don't get to decide how people respond to their work and how people react to their work. But if you could, is there something that you would hope more than anything that readers will take away from the story? I think I just want people to take away that we all make decisions about our bodies and those decisions should be respected. And that's really the only thing I want people to take away that you know, you don't know what someone else's lived experiences and so trust them about their lived experience and trust them to make the decisions for themselves. Even if you disagree with those decisions. Thank you so much for talking to us about your story. What fullness is and for sharing so much of your personal stories. Well, thank you so much care Brown thing. Thing. And thank you so much for listening to medium playback lookout for future episodes will continue to share inspiring stories right by some of our favorite writers. You can find the new episodes in the audio section of the medium. If you're an less half the headphone icon at the top of the app on Android click audio from the menu bar. I'm your host care Brown, and this episode of medium playback was produced by Rachel king and the arose for pod people. And by sandy Boston, Alex v Manus for medium. If there's an author store you'd like to be loved to hear from you, send us a note on Twitter at medium whereby Email play back at Liam dot com. Until next.

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