Jaime Lerner, Ashley, Wanna discussed on OC Talk Radio
The emotion comes before the memory. Absolutely? And and and if we had the memory, we could attack the emotion, but without the memory. How do you attack the emotion? It sometimes it calls that memory can be a resolve to understand where that emotion is coming from otherwise, we're just dealing with fear on its own level without fair. Digested, logically a reasonably. Absolutely we actually and I've I've done this myself It's funny. Because I have I have worked through. Limiting beliefs, I think everybody will always have some limiting beliefs I've worked through this process that you know I've thought Oh. This is you know. They have this feeling and this is. This is what I think. It comes from and I kind of do this. Write it down on a piece of paper and kind of do this Like level so I, write it down, and then I draw down Arrow, and then I right where I think that that came from and it's always really interesting, because if it does take a while, but if you take that time to do that, you know you can come back to that memory, and you can say okay. This is the feeling the high level. I saw this feeling you know and. And and I had one like a failure thing, and then as I dug down deeper and I did each of those levels I realized okay, that was from this specific memory as I dug deeper but I definitely agree you know you have that feeling and you say okay, I don't I don't WanNa, feel like this ever again. Right? I'M NOT GONNA. Do this because I. Don't WanNa. Feel like this. You know and then you have to kind of figure out where that came from and then the other side of that is then you have to say well. What is the real truth? Right and say this was that memory or this was the experience that happened, and just because it happened once doesn't mean it's always going to happen or. Sometimes, memory is a little bit different and not the whole picture you know so then you have to kind of create true than combat it with this is the truth of that situation or the truth of what would happen if I ever was in that situation again. You know something that that that we had a guest on and it was. I can't tell you how long ago I I don't recall. You know we don't have A. You know. We're not one of the people with the thousands of PODCASTS, but we have over. This is number one fifty six. I've I've done this a couple of times And and. I had a guest on Jaime Lerner. One time was a psychologist. And she was we were talking about. You. Know I had a very difficult childhood. And I had the these images that they were in fact memories Ashley. They were not. You know I had the emotion from them, but the memories and they were of abandonment and rejection, and for about the first seven years of my life. And Right. She told me something I'd. No one had ever said before because I always view those emotions that I felt from that time of rejection and abandonment, rejection and abandonment, I had always viewed those from the eyes of a child. From. This is what I thought. She said Charlie would be helpful if you view those from an ice of an adult. Don't view it from Childhood Perspective View It from an adult perspective, and you take a whole different position on and I gotta going to tell you Ashley how helpful that was I mean that was. Just that simple sentence was just enormously helpful for me. Yeah that sounds I mean I'm just sitting here going. Wow, that's so. His in the NFC. I would love to take credit, but it was Jaime Lerner and I do want to have her back on the show again. She was really a a bright psychologists and very fun to chat with. Yeah, that's awesome. That's really fascinating. I think you know Mindset shift then have in perspective shifts. Can. Be Magical things I think you know even in small daily life you know, but thinking about things like that. It's the the. You know deep deep rooted memory, saying okay, let's look at this from a different angle. You know I've I've never done it, but I would love to go back and start doing that now I'm sure if things pop up, all think of that and say okay. Think of that through the is image. How does that? Does that play out now? Or how does that make you feel now? That was maybe maybe a year ago. And I've been doing that process, and then I I took an extended retreated the early at the beginning of this year riot six days of sequestered silence. You know which my listeners are familiar with but I. Just so you know I. was I had a room I was in Hilo. And all made no difference because they never got to leave the room, and I had a ten foot square space in front of the room. They delivered food, no computers, no phones, no books, only a handwritten journal, and you're a month in solitude, a month or six days and in total solitude. And believe me the experience of that and what I got to go through with me, and and and it was. It was all about for me. It was all about self. Love it all about I could love everybody else. I you know I was great at that and and people appreciated that but I really didn't appreciate myself to the degree that I would like, and it took that time of reflection, and it took that time of. Of forced silence and solitude so I I didn't have distractions and. And it was It was an amazing experience. Yeah that sounds like it'd be an amazing Amazing experience we actually talk about that player bit so I Go to I live in San Diego I go to a church down in San. Diego and we talk I I'm not great at the. Silence and solitude. I'm like it. I'm not so good at it, but that's something that that we talked about quite a bit in something that you know. Almost everybody. Else around me, says every time they've done it. They've just had such an amazing. Experience and just felt you feel. So much better. just being able to take that time and step away and. Spend, time with yourself and yeah. I think that's a great in amazing practice. Well, it's. It's like what you're with the limiting beliefs that we're going to talk about. We really don't want to go there because it's too painful to go there yet. We need to go there, but I is. It is a painful journey. You know because you're talking about. You're talking about things that you're afraid of. And that means that means not only. Do you think others disregard yourself for that, but you disregard yourself personally for it. Is a matter of fact, you probably less concerned. What others think than what you think? Is that you you know you don't even have? You don't even have confidence in yourself. For sure I think that that's definitely I know even for myself and I some Prinze that I've worked with. It's like I don't want to say out loud that I. Don't believe that I can do this or I don't want to say out loud that I don't believe that I'm good enough or smart enough To Do to do something you know you definitely almost like. If you say it out loud then you really believe it, even though not saying out loud. We all know that you still really believe it right, but if you do say it out loud, there's something about sanded out loud. This sort of cements it. Absolutely I believe. Yeah? No I one hundred percent agree. Thanks that you Kinda need to cement it in order to be able to move forward from it. I WANNA I wanNA catch that and if. There's something I definitely want to talk about now. Do you think you know one thing I wrote before we start talking and just one more sentence, be worry, start identifying. Limiting belief so our audience really gets an understanding of what that's all about This is closely related to negative self-talk it not. Absolutely absolutely it is. And say air. Pretty much the same thing. Very close. Yeah, the maybe maybe the limiting beliefs are sort of buried back in our brain, and once you do self talk and the negative self-talk. It could become much more obvious. I don't know, but you know what I know. Now's the time that we need to talk about. You know you mentioned a couple of them, but. Can you give me some examples of limiting belief so so we can all get A. Wrap our arms around. What are the limits millenarian beliefs that prevent me from seeking my potential in my opportunities. Yeah I mean there's a lot of A lot of different ones I think a lot of people have experienced different ones, but. I think especially in the starting your own business arena one. That I. Run into a lot is. It's just hard Building a business as hard making money as hard, and yes, there is hard work involved and so I always find interesting because West limiting beliefs there sometimes is like little bits of truth in it right so sure there's hard in making money, but..