Charlie Hedges, Terry, Severe Anxiety discussed on OC Talk Radio
With Charlie hedges as he explores. There's turning the page on his life and yours. Hey Charlie hey producer Paul House with you today. I'm doing good. I'm <hes> but I'm afraid to ask what the topic is today well. You're you're going and I just got it. I'm a little slow today just just so our listeners know I had cataract surgery so I have one I that's perfect and another I that is totally out of Iraq and so I am not seeing which is causing me some disc consternation but <hes> Terry's going to pick us up and save us today and and in saying that today were privilege to have a regular insightful guests terriers he prolific author renowned Public Speaker Landscape Architect and a mentor to several people. I put it Terry on the art of slowing down to take take in the pleasure of life sort of that sort of describes it. Today's topic is going to be a fun for me. I've been wanting to do it for some time and it affects every single listener and is perhaps the systematic root of most of our personal limitations. I WanNa talk about our daily experience of fear and how it impacts the choices we make in addition to bringing non severe anxiety. There's also the source of low self esteem anger resistance to new ideas reluctance to experiment and general acceptance of the status quo. I believe I am I'm coming to believe that. Fear is one of the most influential psychological determines in how we feel and believe what do you think about that. I actually no kidding okay well. That's off off to a good start so what's up with you before we get going. <hes> <hes> life is goods. <hes> had a garden club come by and visit my garden today so that was <hes> enjoyable and <hes> and then and I took a map which is better than enjoyable. You know what speaking of fear I'll let me start here. This is this is true. I have found that if you don't make space in your life for just healthy choices you have have only space in your life for what is going to be detrimental and or <hes> not just ours toxic but stuff that that eats at you so if you don't take care yourself. It's no wonder that you that the things that are invasive takeover that makes perfect sense <hes> elaborate on that when when you say you make space for things that are just think think about somebody just just talking about Jimmy just as simple as I'd say simple but just basic anxiety thing you know I I'm done wait a minute wonder if someone done on okay and you start with simple things. Have you had any water lately. Have you had a meal in other words there simple things we wonder and we see what happens when people have been deprived when you're deprived of things to just make you help the sunlight and food and swing than and <hes> <music> don't dare say fitness now I was GonNa say solitude. Okay okay could yeah but if you but if you're deprived of those things <hes> there's a part of your spirit binding site that's soaks up whatever else is more in invasive and that is anxiety it takes it takes that space. Yes fear is certainly your side of the route to anxiety yes. You're you're because this is important. You're you the way you're you're made up emotionally physiologically in your emotions is that you don't have. There's not just like empty space okay. I'M GONNA get rid of this. I don't like this in my spirits. I don't like this negative. I'll just get rid of that negative thought so here I just getting rid of that fear women no but you are soon as like is that space in the in the garage of your mind but when you when you it doesn't Russell Stover you up to fill space with something else yes exactly. I I so totally agree they. When you want to get rid of something negative in your life you have to replace it with something good? There's a <hes> <hes> for for those of us that our Bible people there's one remember the one where Jesus got rid of a demon and nothing else took place in seven more came in and and Yeah Perfect Association which is why in in in the way we do self help. Sometimes in this culture is like a just mentally <hes> you know zone. 'em Just get rid of your fear one no we we we missed the opportunity to give people the opportunity to choose a different story. Is that about getting rid of one story. It's about choosing a differ story a better story. Can you give me some examples of the anything in mind to afford. A Better story might be yeah I in Sabbath moment. Though on I just wrote on Monday in <hes> in Nineteen Greenville away it was the battle it's old story. Oh and I don't want it took place. Thousands of our nor the battle for Jerusalem and Yvonne was he had ordinary manner the fires he he didn't have he didn't have the train soldiers he just has some ordinary men and and he said you know you are now my group to save genucel and we <hes> and so what he did. The first thing we did was he knighted them because all of them said you know but we're not them so in other words they were afraid. They were afraid. They want enough. They were afraid they couldn't do the job. They referred whatever it was they were they fear was in the in the wheelhouse so he night so so sort sort on the shoulder gave them the courage well the that goes beyond that because it's not just just that touch but exactly but the team so what are you not for the kings thinking. You can't just night everybody. That's just nuts. That's GonNa make them better. Fighters said yes because it's not just ninety is it's. It's it's letting them embrace something inside of them. Their story that there are night inside in one day it gives them the permission permission to choose that story. I liked that a lot. I think that has a lot to do with what we do every day. Is that permission to to grant to grant ourselves permission to adopt opt our own story rather than the story that we fear others are making up about us one hundred yeah one of my favorite lines is to say we get to say how the story ends or for the next chapter for example right. It's a say so I mean because when people people come to be with you know to tell me their stuff right and they want me to fix their stuff had and I asked him how they want the story to go and they're thinking what do you mean what what curious is. People don't believe generally we believe that we have the power to say what the next step of the stories we don't trust that tolerance and how often in that process to we talk about fear fear. I think <hes> I my experiences. We talk about all time. Oh do you yeah I mean talk about while inadvertently we we talk about the we talk about the the impact of it the ramifications of yes exactly yeah. We don't don't look at it head on to your point. No we don't say I want to face my fear. We don't say yeah or to recognize how my fears are impacting impacting me right because my fears are impacting me as I said that I think I alluded to earlier that you know my opinion is that <hes> fear may be the greatest overall source of probably most of our psychological disorders yes and that's because we're not at home in our own skin when I'm grounded and when you're not grounded you give way to whatever is louder in most bombarded so you're afraid so how do you do that without going to a shrink how do you how do you embrace being comfortable in your own skin without spending an hour to a a week with a shrink <hes> you what what sorts of tactics do you do to embrace that I was thinking oh I can't the story <hes> a member of the movie was a <hes> crimes the heart. Do you remember that movie. I remember the name but I don't remember the movie. Yeah it was a it's a anyway was about three sisters and oh the one where she stuck her head. Now an oven yeah yet sissy spacex Hey sexy stuck her heading in oven to remember that Bart Kosinski stay and she has anxiety and you know the older sisters are trying to mess with your anxiety and one day she said by 'cause insist the opens the is he's having the moments you so attorneys the oven on opus sticks or headed and so why don't you this is why do you do it babe. Why do you put your head in the oven? They've says I don't know I guess I'm having a bad day and your sisters in her systems as you said we've gotta find a way to get you through these bad days yeah without the oven yeah. Let's do it without the yeah. Let's let's give that a shot you. You know what's interesting about fair -tary before we go further into the into the problems of fear is that is that you know from early mankind from prehistoric man fear has been a good thing there it is it has been self-protective. We have lasted as long as we have lasted because of fear because of the endorphins or whatever orphans come up inside of us. I think about that think about that Charlie. That's precisely yet we're wired as a species to see fear as primarily an alarm system exempt lights us that invites us to make a choice and we have we have somehow giving ourselves. The fact that the alarm system all is automatically complete reality about the only choice we have. We have lost the fact that the alarm gives US officials. That's <hes> that's an inside. I've never heard of. I've never thought about that but but fear does not bring up the necessity that we have to fight or flight either one is that it gives us the opportunity to make a choice ice. Yeah I mean when in you know prehistoric our ancestors the fight or flight thing which we know about fears that that when that dimmer that alarm kick them if they started if they started with the census all I'm screwed. There's no fighter flight. There's just getting meeting the that's not a good option yeah no so that's why fighter flight they didn't but the point is the power still rested with them. This is what's interesting with people a new door on small anxiety right now. I'm not I'm not down finding the reality of of how unpleasant anxiety and fear can be I mean I know that personally. I get that good do that. I was still have the power the capacity to respond to that..