Wass discussed on It's Been a Minute with Sam Sanders
At that point what happened, Wass, you know, I had made a gay friend at my high school and I had talked briefly about hanging out with that person and I remember getting called into The office with all the church that youth group leaders, my youth pastor. On being told that I had to either stop hanging out with this person or not come back to the church, and I never went back. Um, how old were you then? I was 16. Okay, Okay and It was a watershed moment for sure. Because for me, I knew which way I was headed. And I knew that like it was just like a damn was about to burst and I couldn't really hold back and I was dealing with so many other things mentally at that point that I just like I couldn't. I needed support, and I didn't And I knew I wasn't going to get the support that I needed because especially like thinking back. This is like such a 5 4000 for whatever year it was mentality of just like playing chicken with me rather than if you do you think now I think a smarter church leader, even a smarter evangelical church leader like today. We get like, yeah, or like Let's hold on to this kid like let's like, Let's keep him in the fold. Let's keep him coming to church every week. And at least that way, you know we'll have access to him. But instead they gave me this ultimatum that I think that they had expected me. Two. And here too, and I called their bluff. And I said Okay, I'm gone and I called my dad. I had him pick me up, and we never went back to that youth group as funny hearing. You say that because like My church never gave me an ultimatum there, maybe even a bit more strict in your church. They definitely knew that I was about to be a gay because they tried to pry it out of me a few times, but they never like you can't come back anymore. And I wonder. I don't know which approaches best like At least you knew when to cut things off, I think for many years I was trying really hard to continue to be in a place where I knew I just didn't fit anymore. Well, I mean, it's easy for me to talk about this in hindsight, but at the time, you know, like I did stop going, But I was like, fairly convinced I was going to hell. You know, like at that point, it was like I'm not going to beat this thing, which is like such a odd way of putting it, but that's how I thought about it at the time, not going to beat this thing. And I have no home here. So I might as well just like go crazy while I have the chance here on Earth and then eventually I'll goto hell, that's and that's that on that, you know. Oh, my goodness. It's so I don't know. I want to just like fine young joke, ambushed and give him a hug and be like I'm sorry through that socks. Do you? I don't want to ask if you feel sorry for yourself, But I do want to ask looking back years from now, How do you feel about that 16 year old 17 year old kid and what he was going through. I mean, I'm looking at it now with that was half a lifetime ago. And I'm so thankful that everything happened in the way that it has because I love my life now and I don't know. You know, there are so many steps that course like hurt to get there. I mean, there's so much to malt with my family before getting here and A lot of therapy to get me here. But like ultimately, I'm glad that it happened because it was certainly like emotionally ripping a band aid off, but I don't know if there is a better way to do it in terms of where I was at at that point.