DAD, Carol I, Editor discussed on Let's Talk Dementia


Here's your host bestselling author. Carol I caregivers welcome to. Let's talk. Dementia I am Carol. How will your host? And we'll talk about foster care. Do you think this was a show about dementia. Am I totally confused. Well no not really had a very interesting conversation last week with a lady who. I won't tell you her name but a little bit. What about her story and it has just stuck with me and I thought you know this is something that I should share? She on call regarding her dad. Who is living being on his own and having some memory issues and been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Some very valid concerns about his safety in driving wink and in keeping appointments arriving at appointments five hours. Early you know all those things that start to happen with dementia. That kind of scare US Asas family members and we think ooh this is not safe anymore. I don't know that this is true but I think sometimes the females in the family worry more about at their parents and maybe the males duty I guess true. I don't know I just I listen to her talk and I hear myself in my story in lots of ways in what she's telling In touch my heart. Her Dad said to her. All you and your sister trying to do is move me to foster care will l. ever heard it got lots of things when we want to move our loved ones from their home to a community where they'd be geared of cared for but foster care. I had not heard of that one before. It just made me Giggle but the reason I tell you that is your loved. One may be protesting the move live to a group living situation whether it be a Assisted living in memory care or a wonderful group home. I do love group homes. You know where there's like five or six people in the home being well cared for. They may be protesting that because they have a vision in their head or a pitcher in their ahead of what that is like based on the last time they saw it in the last time they saw it was probably nineteen fifty or sixty or even the seventies Even the eighties folks but that is not what we have going on today and she said this lady that I talked with Satish I just really want dad to move to an assisted living. And we're going to start this week. Going in touring and But I don't ever getting a move and I said the first thing you have to help dad realize is not that he needs to move. We're not gonNA try to convince him of that what we're going to show him instead is retirement matt living in a wonderful exclusive high-end community. I don't care what do you choose. That's what the words were going to use. And when he goes and sees what assisted living is today will. He's going to be shocked. Because I can tell you. Even in the eighties assisted. Living was not something something we heard a very much in if we did it was not what it is today I remember before I ever started in this industry three bag in the early eighties visiting skilled nursing communities. And that's pretty much all there was and all the people were lying up. Just he's in their wheelchairs sort of not their drooling Curled in the fetal position. And you walk down the hall mess. What she saw will that is the vision or that is the picture that so many of our folks have in their head? There is nobody that says you know. I just think I wanNA move to that. Sign me up. No No. They don't do that. They're like whatever happens. You keep me out of that. I'll stay home. They don't have in their head. The picture of a one bedroom fully furnished apartment Martin with all their favorite things in a maid and a Butler initiative and a driver right inactivity stranger. They don't think that so. That's what we want them to seen. In a total of the best way to what not the best way but several ways to do it and one of them is just take that for lunch. One day we're going to a new place you're GONNA WANNA have launched their offering free lunch and I'm all for a free lunch. Dad What do you think take him get him in there. Let him see this beautiful community in if all you do is have have launched. Then you've got dad's foot in the door and then maybe you can talk to him in I in the car on the way home because he's not GonNa remember later in the afternoon. That's a wonderful wonderful retirement community where people live and then maybe go to another one in let him have lunch there with you save. There's one that he seems to respond more positively to than others that he has more of a reaction to than others And then at some point go back and May Have data look at an apartment now. If Dad's able to help make that decision having look at the apartment see what he thinks. If that's not able to make that decision and you're GonNa make it on your own then arrange warning where someone's GonNa Come Take Dad and take him out fishing or take him out to do whatever it is. Dad Likes to do if it was does your Mama I would say. We don't take her shopping but most been probably. Don't WanNa go do that but to get that out of the house for three or four hours and you're going to have a team aim of really good people and a truck or two and you're going to move at least the essentials from Dad's home straight DADS assisted living apartment. His bad his favorite uh-huh his favorite chair has favorite pitchers. Favorite blanket is TV that pitcher. That's hung above the TV the picture of his wife. The pitchers children whatever. It is that when dad walks into his house now he thinks this is home. You won't at least some of those things in this new assisted living apartment. Then take that back for lunch. Dallas about their. They're offering free lunch again and after lunch maybe he can play Bingo or whatever why you've finished setting up that apartment then you'd say dad come down here on the show you something. This is where you're going to stay for a few nights because we're all going out of town in we can't be here to take care of you just a little worried. What about you so I want you to love me enough just to stay here for a few nights? And then when we get back will come see In he might protests. Yes that yeah but you will work around it but thanking God. He's only there for a few nights will lay on him in a way that he's likely to to be accepting of that idea. Now if you take Dan go. Hey Dad here's your new apartment. You're gonNA live here forever because you can't live by yourself. I don't want to live by yourself. Okay so you next week think. Well that's not gonNa feel good anybody so don't be crazy and do that but tell dad you know you're going to be gone for a few days. I think we had a client that we told her her that family came up with this. That there was Talks Mold in her house and they were going to have it fixed in. She couldn't be there while they were cleaning ed maker sick and so they had arranged for her to stay in this wonderful apartment poly about a week while they fixed it in that worked so you think well what happens in a week AAC when the toxic malls supposed to be done or what happens after three or four days when we're supposed to be back from vacation well one of the beauties of dementias we don't have a good the perception of time and space a week really doesn't mean anything to us a week may feel like In two months or a week may I feel like a day so we don't understand that concept anymore time so if they say to you well can I move back to my house when no mom there. You had taught Simone Your House. They're trying to get it out or I've I'm going to be leaving in just a couple of days to go on a trip nap. You tell your votes. You're leaving to go on a trip that that might be a good time to leave and go on a trip. I'm just saying especially the first couple of days May Be at least twenty four forty eight hours give your. I loved one a chance to settle in there before he's sworn back in now their communities to stay stay gone a week. No you don't not when you first move a man if you taking it all help. It don't do that. They do need to see your face and know that you're still alive. You still love him. And everything's GonNa be okay but have your story straight in your brain about about why they are there and how long they have to stay in stick with that story it will work. I've told you before about the lady who moved in and her. The whole family just decorated her one bedroom. Apartments is just really really pretty and we were so excited I walked in with her and her boys For them to show her the apartment and she said this is pretty. This is pretty look there. You've got to pitch remain cutch collar husbands night. And then she sat down in her recliner. She said well this is my recliner and in her son Simone. This is your new apartment. You're going to live here. And she said you guys sit down and when they sit down she said. I hope you all rot inhale because I am not staying here wail we all about dropped. RT It was like holy cow. We so we're not expecting that because she was so receptive how gorgeous apartment was in all her pretty stuff in there. She was not happy but you know she lived there very happily. It took her three or four four days to figure out it was okay and she wasn't mad at anybody and To forget the whole episode and she became very easy to get along with and and Excited to live there. She also thought I was the Mayor of Charlotte North Carolina and. I did not proceed to dissuade her that I was happy to be. The mayor was for several years. Then all all of a sudden I was no longer the mayor. I don't know what happened that I lost that position in her brain so anyway I'm glad to know that this lady that I was talking about early early will not be moving. Her Dad foster care but potentially tune assisted living. If you're looking for an assisted living calming let me tell you I know of some good ones in your part of the world. I don't charge charge you to help you are not. Don't call me but you can email me email me carol at let's Talk Dementia Dot. Org in when you email now may give me your phone number now. Call you and we'll make some plans together. You'll be glad we talked. Blessings and smiles by bio. Let's talk dementia would like to thank our sponsors National Association of Veterans and families. You can reach them at eight hundred three five to to nine one nine on the Internet at www you've dot n. a. v. f. Dot. Org They speak veterans. So you don't have to in you. Tell Them Carol. Saint you when you call to inquire about benefits for the veteran and despacito veteran or both editor bed. You can find Miss Beth. Crosby editor Beth Dot Com. She is amazing. Looking at what you've written in making making sure it represents you will find her at. WWW dot editor dot com and HD imports located on Flint Street extension in in Rock Hill South Carolina. That's your county eighty three nine eight five zero nine eight five. They are there for the hunt the repair and maintenance of your Honda Hyundai Toyota Kia. Tell Them Carol CINCI. Thanks for joining us today for Carol House Let's Talk Dementia to learn more about dementia. We we recommend Carols bestselling book also titled. Let's talk dementia. It's available on Amazon. In paperback and kindle versions be sure to like let's talk dementia on facebook and leave us a kind word of review on itunes remember knowledge brings power power brings hope hope bring smiles and we all need more or smiles. Thanks for joining us today. 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