Listen: Meghan Markle, Washington, Hieaux discussed on Stand-Up w/ Chris Distefano
"You're listening to comedy central. I am happy to be here. Stand up comedy is very female dominated as doing comedy festival in austin and sometimes when you check in to your hotel the festivals left like a little gift bag for you which is nice and to check into the hotel bunch of male comics in front of me checking in like good for them for trying and i got up and the lady said to me you aren't buying and i said yeah i mean of course i want what's free. I realized she hadn't asked any of the dudes if they wanted it and i didn't realize why until i got back to my hotel room and saw that the main gift from the festival for all the comics was a flashlight alight so there's like thirty two perverts here either that or you're just like on a first date and and you don't want her to know that you're a psycho. If you don't know what a flashlight is a sex toy okay this just one it made it could be about a fake but this one was effect pussy that china if you will <hes> <hes> disguised within a flashlight. I don't know what i guess. If you're jacking off and your mom walks in i was a blackout scared flashlight doc arguably worse you know a if she had just caught you with your penis in your hand because now she's worried maybe calling all the neighbors like apparently tom all the appliances so all the dude comics. We're having a great festival you and themselves but was i do as a lady comedian with a flashlight you know except for just practice kissing using all weekend you ever really good at it started kissing back and then and i walked over to the fedex popped it in the mail sent it to my boyfriend at the time because i'm an american hero. He lived didn't know hieaux which is where. I grew up a lot of people in ohio. Don't realize that you can just pull all of your things into a bag and then leave in my mom and i we go way back and she's so sweet but she's like very very uncomfortable with anything sexual. Okay i think it's because she's a virgin. She knows that i like the word boner. It's a silly word connective and on halloween last year. She sent meal card in the mail. You know like all moms do on halloween. It said happy halloween like little skeleton on the front of it. This is the skeleton as well so what i look like i'm trying to thin and then underneath it said bone apetite yeah and then he opened it up and my mom had hand written in there or boehner apetite to you the welcome to santa christa staffer now nicole boys g._d. Khloe all here becky honey honey those bestselling this woman's week. This is the woman's app. This is the women's march of legit women's march. A female review of stanford chris woman yelled at me for not going to the women's march because when i you know because i have a daughter my daughter was six months old renault who warned me about that like i support women's everything but like my kid is six months old. Why am i going to go. I can't go down there. I can get a i want to go to washington d._c. For fucking new york giants game with a six month old. Oh baby. I'm from washington d._c. And i was at the women's march you just want the record to know also yeah i think kim kardashian took north there when she was young with her baby with their baby north west northwest the same ages delilah four how old's north west five why do i what about the royal oh baby six the royal baby. How's the royal baby the one that was just born now george board at the same time but i don't being meghan markle. I went to high school with her."