Listen: Danny Kaye, Aaron Wash, Kate discussed on Power Principles Podcast with Maleah Warner
"Kate sat in her swing content to watch the flickering lights. Having the four of us gathered around our Christmas tree. I thought I could never be more happy but these occasions of extreme joy even ecstasy were tainted tainted by intervals of darkness Murray Loneliness. Things vested in me nagging worries that kept me awake. Why hadn't accomplished more that day why why did. I always seem to be running late falling behind as hard as I tried to do everything right. It seemed that so many things kept going wrong by his first birthday Danny we still didn't crawl up on his hands and knees like baby. Should he could get anywhere. He wanted rolling or using his army crawl. I read an article that stated the importance of crawling on hands and knees for a baby's brain development something about learning to move the right arm forward with the left leg then switching to move the left arm forward but the right leg wired important circuits for future brain function. Danny went from the army crawl straight to walking was going to have brain development issues. Should they take him to specialist. When he started walking he walked with both arms high in the air like a chimpanzee was funny to watch but I lay awake at night worrying about it? After several months I started tying his arms down around his waist with a dish towel to show him that he could still walk even without his hands high in the air for balance. Kate was so darling also so chronically fussy eating gave her terrible stomach cramps and she projectile vomited nearly all the milk she took in she it was so tiny was she getting enough. Nutrition was I- starving my baby what in my milk bothered her. I quit eating spices onions cauliflower our broccoli lettuce and even chocolate but nothing helped after months of struggle. I would finally give up nursing and switch her to formula and she would rarely spit up after after that what was wrong with me. Why might own milk been so bad for her. Once Christmas and the Strangeness Of Winter Without Snow Passed I began to fall in love with the climate which I came to refer to as room temperature weather. When you walked outside the air was not one degree warmer or cooler than indoors short. It was perfect. One February evening left Aaron watching the kids and ran to the grocery store. I didn't need heat nor air conditioning in the car and when I stepped into the parking lot the air was delicious. I didn't need a jacket yet. My legs weren't too hot in lung jeans. I basked in that feeling of freedom walking through a parking lot alone own without babies to strap into grocery carts. I scanned the clear blue sky amazed that I could not see one cloud at the store entrance were plant her pots pots brimming with blooming flowers geraniums and Petunias in February. I had things to do grocery list and bunches of coupons but for a moment my heart felt content I filled my car in peace not broken pickle jars. No interrupting questions about the babies at checkout. I watched happily. Lee Is the total bill decreased with each coupon scanned getting the shopping done. Tonight was a priority since it was double value coupon day. It was my version of gaming like playing in a reverse slot machine. I think the clerk took my receipt and pushed my loaded cart through the automatic doors into a different world. Where was I. The Sky was dark as midnight but it was six o'clock in the evening. The parking lot was unrecognizable. The palm trees were nearly horizontal blown sideways by a powerful wind loose shopping carts rolled by a plastic bag blew into my face. I screamed and swatted away. I barely stepped out the door and already my face and arms were wet from windblown splatters of was that rain thick sheets of water dumped as if from buckets in the sky by no one had warned me about Arizona thunderstorms I'd never before heard the term monsoon up until that moment I assumed it rarely rarely reigned in the desert and if it did that it would be a mild rain. I'd never experienced my world change from Sun to storm so quickly. Light is too dark bright to gloom from perfect contentment to heroin fear from feeling always right in the world to wondering if I would live through the storm. This was my induction to monsoon season the next morning the apartment play ground was a third swimming pool water lapped over the bottom of the slide. The seats of the swings dangled inches above the waterline. I'd never seen anything like it buckled Danny and Kate and drove to the library for story time around town. The road spillway were ponds of water. Arizona soil doesn't drain like Utah Soil. It's harder for the clay ground to let go of the storm. February fourteenth fell on a Monday. We ran errands then had a picnic and played at the city park. Danny Kaye took extra long naps. I turned the TV to the Oprah Winfrey Valentine's Day special which featured husbands surprising their wives who believed they were on the show to talk about other things with Valentine gifts. One man knelt down before his astonished wife and presented her with jewelry box. She squealed inside was a unique ring. She had been wanting. Another husband revealed that immediately. After the show he was whisking her away for a surprise vacation. The babysitter the tickets the room reservations had all been arranged. Even in her suitcase was packed. I boiled pasta and open cans of soup. Tim Exa casserole thinking that if Aaron came home with surprise dinner plans I could bake the casserole the next day day while I strained pasta. I tried to guess of all the ways that Aaron might seem to surprise me. Had I seen any unexplained receipts in his pants pockets. He could easily go shopping during the day without my knowing this was our third Valentine's Day as husband and wife. He hadn't really done anything last year or the year before but those didn't really count. We were both students and working. This was our first traditional Valentine's Day. He was a working husband and I was his doting wife taking care of his home home and children and greeting him each evening with homemade dinners this year we were the living representation of the hallmark card has been comes home from work with a surprise prized bouquet of flowers behind his back for his lovely wife who has one child playing at her feet and a baby on her hip as she cooks. That's what happens right. That's that's how working husband showed their lives. They love them right by bringing home flowers chocolates. Abo- wrapped jewelry box it said so on the TV and radio commercials in the magazines Augustine's I read in the grocery checkout line even Oprah said so. My heart was light flying high on romantic fantasy Aaron was late for dinner probably pink flowers so I started feeding Danny when Aaron walked through the front door. The only thing he was carrying was the male. How was is your day. He asked dropping his bag and picking up Kate. I watched him touch her cheeks and put his finger in his mouth. I thought of all the people he'd shaken hands with that day and that he'd probably probably just come from the store all those germs. My mother in alarm went off. Wash your hands before you touch please. I said staunched that he wouldn't think of that got himself. He scowled went to the bathroom. I could hear the water running. He came out and gave me the obligatory. Come home kiss but his tone had changed. I had irritated him. What's for dinner. He asked so he wasn't taking me out to eat tuna noodle casserole. I answered after putting the kids to bed. We had sex a Valentine's expectation. Aaron rolled over and promptly fell asleep. I rolled to the edge of the bed tears pouring down my cheeks in. May I organized nice to spring recital. I'd added more piano students and started a song group. Tuesday and Thursday afternoons I folded down our card table chairs and taught rhythm tone and dance movements for five to eight eight year olds excellent preparation for private music lessons. I borrowed an ISA sewing machine and sew costumes for my dance group the night of my recital Aaron Wash dishes. Che's then changed into Church close. You don't have to dress up for the recital. I said the performers will dress up but the audience will be casual. I'm making visits tonight. He answered he wasn't coming to my recital. I was planning that you would hold Danny and watch kate during the show. I can take them with me. It was the last minute offer I could tell. He hadn't thought about me juggling the kids while announcing the performances in the end. He cancelled his appointments and stood in the back of the community center room room scooping up the dirt. Danny dug out of the decorative potted plants he seemed bored and I felt guilty for dragging him here regretted bringing it up and wished I could go back can time and not mention it at all. The next day was Mothers Day in Church on Sundays. I worked in the primary teaching the Children Ages Three to eleven. We had a huge congregation made up of mostly young newly married couples and no retirees who attended their own congregations we had seventy five children in the primary and the hundred it and twenty kids under age three Sunday nights. I fell into bed exhausted on that mother's Day. After the church meetings the elders corn presented presented all the women with potted CACTUS. It was the only gift I got unless you count the sex which I didn't know was also a mother's Day. Expectation Aaron was asleep before I had washed. Put on my pajamas. I sunk down my back next to the bed and tried to keep my sob silent at Aspen College. I had I've been in the campus talent. Show Erin was mad. He had to miss it because the senators were visiting the state legislature. He later told me that the first thing he'd done when he got home from the Capitol it'll building was to track down video recording forwarded to my part and watch me walk across the stage and sit at the piano over and over and over again another time he showed up to watch me in the Miss Utah pageant but the tickets were sold out so he waited in the foyer of the auditorium for two two hours hoping he might catch a glimpse of me wants. The pageant ended when we were engaged. He confessed spying on me while I posed for pictures in the foyer. It was worth the two hour wait he said for weeks. I couldn't think of anything else except you in that red dress. I don't think he'd even noticed noticed what dress I'd worn to church that day. I did the thing I wished Danny could do. I crawled on my hands and knees out of the bedroom and down the stairs where I could cry hard without outworking husband or babies dis earlier."