Richard, Forty Million Shake, Seven Foot discussed on You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Six foot is just all in the same realm it's funny you know what it is it's marching that's what I say I'm the table you're dreaming under L. Weird pain we say that was history yeah that's just that's just that's just big cookie right that's just big cookie sending their message big and I was trying to limit able bodied obviously you're able bodied I'm serious the word we average side we say we're researchers yet your Richard greenhut them yeah on a road trip ere it is learned in loved I and you came for Christmas the first knock isn't you but it is ski showers in I want the juice man never patted on the head I mean never do that can we also just never had a human it's not good iced by the way Oh that's the sad part is that these rules you think you think they're what I'm that Jesus Christ that you next one is even worse and I literally if I don't say this at the end of my show I will be asked to do this at least five t uh-huh do not under any circumstance when you see a little person pick them up I do not New Year GonNa say that do that it I don't know why it's probably I this is not a joke I sometimes feel bad picking up my daughter because she was a baby and I'm like is like the most your will doesn't go she's a baby yeah but making a grown person feel like a baby right is one of the good yeah took literally as degrading the definition what I mean is on the nose degrading yeah and what's amazing to me is I will say that some people will be like it'll be like wait you're you're disappointed moment I wish Andre the giant would come in pick them up I like a mother calf Ango store I know I will couple of questions about scoop again I can't do it I love your Andrea won't won't I can't do it today Andrea impression I usually have decent Andre Jason Segel because I want to say I can't watch the documentary international kick in for that documentary was only okay for me it go as in depth as I wanted it to yeah it was very kind of like an life was hard for Andrei being large and you're like okay I figured that and you seven foot six hundred don't go in with more lower stories than there were in the dog I was like the story Ma'am McCarthy told me that when he had surgery and they asked him how anesthetize him and they said how many drinks do you have to drink to get drunk and he said after thirty six I start to feel a buzz that's why is that not all right why's that that story should be on a black screen at the beginning and then fade in yeah yeah yeah yeah I WANNA learn about Andre the giant so I wish in those moments there was that large person would be like this because this feels like yeah and now you're helpless and it's air prison wow I like liberty sounds like removal the air prison Tom Hanks news come on up in the hair and I'm square man I'm stuck Pirie knocker firm Hicks falling so that I back that would be dwarf it the Kid Oh and then for photos I don't care if you stand up and down I don't care that was one that I was wondering 'cause I'm six six I crouch uh-huh Slouch for anybody and sometimes I'm not trying to be funny with wheelchair photos and little people you're sort of like what what does anybody want what do what do what do we want what are we doing you see a Lotta easy hover hand photos there's also a lot of people like crouching in Awkward yeah yeah I feel like when you see someone dramatically smaller than you at that point becomes when I see like h transgender person come up to me and I go okay what's your Pronoun Yeah just tell me Tell me tell me and I'll do I do the boys to men squat if it's a little boys to Vince You put your hands up like you're afraid you put your hands like this and squat and white pants maybe face wrote this one school you too sorry you're like a hip hop thing I do like chains dangling off my chest funny sometimes sometimes it's a convenience thing sometimes at the end of the show there's not that much room to take the photo you gotta squat down just so we can all fit in that and I say there's a relief when I'm seated Israel's choice removes done everybody wins Yeah exactly exactly so that yeah that would be the etiquette now what are what are is there in anything else behind closed doors that would be helpful who you guys are having your whiskey sours and you're like these fucking people don't understand I don't WanNa put you on the spot in no it's fine I feel like this is a great opportunity with with with a lot of people that would be curious and that would want to know and that's what you find out is that a lot of people do want to know and they're like Oh what can we do that yeah good for you that's I it's funny because I want to say don't offer open some people like that you're right you know you did I watch that ass burgers documentary it's called ASPERGER's are us and they go it makes me cry every time I watch it as I feel like there's a lot of aspen my fam- diagnosed ASP and at the end they go if you meet one person with Asperger's you've met one person with asperger's and I just start cried you go so I call bullshit on Myself Brad there you Jeff Dunham Story Jeff Dunham story smooth and and keep it like a bird on my show and I go if this goes sideways this I'm doing a masterclass can you relate when someone does a masterclass you're sorta sad you're like they got him yeah Bill Gates teaches programming like how they got bill I don't want Bill Gates to do that it's like whenever I see like Elon Musk do a podcast or neil degrasse Tyson Do something for a comment like whenever I would see As Stephen Hawking like do a comedy bit I like he's too valuable I know make him do things that Jenner the world I felt that way when I was with Blake Griffin where again in Montreal I can't shake the fact that we're just walking on the street and I'm like your hands are worth forty million shake you're giving people the thing you write lamb basketball's with right just any drunk guy you meet who I arm had season that would be like us like being like here here's my learn ex yeah like do you like my larynx like yeah it's not ah it's amazing when he's he's he's a thousand people's jobs yeah that's it yeah that's not not not a lot of people yeah Oh yeah yeah there is that thing where it's like jeeze like don't put it out can't ensure this man yes so like Poland like I being in there I just watched the Bill Gates documentary I've been watching it to net flicks where he created fucking toilets that don't run on collect trysofi anything no and they do and they put out nothing but ash and drinkable wash drinkable water and and like St I realize it's not just having money inability there needs to be you have to care yeah and that's what I couldn't believe he wrote an email to all these people being like I'm trying to get this happening and do you remember this in the dock and they most people didn't reply any email from bill at Microsoft Dot Com on your dislike Bill G. G. E. J. Boys to men that might be like you get an email from Bill Gates you have the stones or the DRC to just be like no if I was if I was bill gates my email address would be a gift like some something that you'd have to be a genius Wozniak has his card is coated I love it so when he gives you his card you have to you have to decode it and I tell you James Gordon on this podcast told the story where to give Tom Hanks was gonNA give James Corden phone number and he sent him a mix impossible box with like shit to figure out and at the end after all this impossible math he called the number and and fucking a- and then he dials the number yeah this is like several days later how could he know sure Tom Cruise answers the phone now you have my number like Wayne Gretzky says if you can shoot from the top of the circle hit the post ten times yeah I appear then you're like what yeah and then he he Qatari waiting for James Corden call so Jeff Dunham story we'll do that and then we'll get to how I met my wife which is one of the reasons why you WanNa be on this podcast in the first story yeah it is so I was doing the Montreal Comedy Festival the aforementioned Mantra Festival which I I also have a question for you after this story I was on the Jeff Dunham gala and it was fun gala he hosts it for you hosts it and brings on like eight different comics they perform galleys pretentious word for a show it's a show it's a show in a spectacular aired on television and it's wonderful so he brings me on stage I do my set I got a standing ovation in that in the big theater incredibly impressive it was I got a seated polite listen we're Canadian we don't interrupt you gave them shit in Montreal I was like you guys don't give up a role varies and someone went we're listening as the most Canadian wow we're listening they don't want to interrupt yeah and they gave me coating so I go thank you and I am walking on stage Dunham comes back on stage and can I just stop you is this moment of before we know what happened okay it's just delicious because I am so nervous and frightened and it's just not just know it's going to be eight okay Dunham comes onstage and goes Brad get back out here all right so just walked back out there I don't know what's casting Jason Segel Brad get out her can I play me today Kaz oh gets okay yeah as long as I can play me in the in the part doesn't go to college okay good he he he he gets so much so I walked back any goes I just want to take a selfie with you and have the crowd in the background and.

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