Partner discussed on Therapy for Black Girls


To a partner like that someone has been abuse yes definitely one of the one of the hardest things or trauma survivors is win do i go disclosed do i disclose are they have absolutely no filter and they they share too early and i think both both are kind of examples of inability to maintain closeness in not understand either kind of pushing people away our self sabotage so when it comes to people who are you know girls who are in relationships and they're trying to side okay window i when i disclosed this thing i think if it's in levying safe trusting relationship then that's you know that's when you wanna start slowly broaching or something something terrible happened you know we can find the language we worked together in finding the language to use based off of the relationship with the partner in even having you know apart the partner come in you know whatever works for the person in a relationship but i think having the relationship be safe trusting relationship is key at helping them articulate figure out is this a safe trusting relationship which again will go back to their self esteem and being advocate themselves so things we've already kind of worked on in session so that they know okay this is an example of an appropriate relationship but i want i could see myself going further let me try to make strides for like intimacy got it so even if they came in thing like i'm having intimacy issues with my partner you might walk them back to like the kinds of things that are leading to the intimacy you would necessarily just jump into like okay this is how you could do x y z better you would encourage him to maybe have some conversations about safety in the relationship in is this partner even good partner for you based on you know your trauma history because a lot of times trauma survivors kind of they end up repeating the pattern of abuse unwillingly so what seems exciting and this is the perfect person while when a break down they actually have a lot of fear and so the fears what's driving them and it's that's not a recipe for trusting in safe relationship if we have a lot of fear so helping them to kind of alleviate that fear and making sure the relationship is is one that is positive in healthy then we can go into okay how do we bring this to we talk about this how did you handle it when you when you do disclose and you can't you can't control the person's reaction so how do you kind of manager own feelings around sharing because that's also really big and you wrote up interesting point jessica wonder if you can say more about the whole idea that sometimes abusir veivers will unwillingly reenact those patterns of abuse would that look like what does that mean try to get to giardi but it's my curse but you know we all stood have his powders from childhood and you know the brain likes what it knows you know doesn't do novelty very well like put things in a category nets individuals on orch initially when you fortunately forth unfortunately fortunately when you have these traumatic experiences it kind of say like a rewires the bright so you're more sensitized to those types of to those types of triggers so you end up getting these relationships because they're familiar and you kind of your body knows how to respond to something that's the million it doesn't know how to respond to something that's not familiar so it's it's the really strange thing that okay this person is a loving caring partner for me and that actually making me feel threatened in scared so i have to push them away it's it's totally illogical with that's what the body does it so you have to really actively work against that to to to make the changes you're not reenacting you know previous traumas in and things like that so that's kind of like the short condensed version of it it's really really tough for people is that unfortunately it's just something familiar your body knows how to respond to that even though it's not it's not healthy yet and i don't know that we often hear the jessica's i'm glad that you pointed that out because i would imagine that that is incredibly freeing for people to hear sometimes right dead you know sometimes they feel like okay i keep finding myself in.

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