Because <Silence> <Speech_Male> <SpeakerChange> <Speech_Music_Male> <Advertisement> i <SpeakerChange> was coming <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> into myself. <Speech_Male> You know and i knew <Silence> i <Speech_Male> can't do <Speech_Male> this so <Speech_Male> when i came back <Speech_Male> to rant. <Speech_Male> I was just <Speech_Male> doing king lear <Speech_Male> at denver center <Speech_Male> actually <Speech_Music_Male> and <Speech_Male> i <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> found out that the benny <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> was leaving. <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> I sent an email <Silence> to michael. <SpeakerChange> <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> I said michael. I know <Speech_Male> that such and such <Speech_Male> as leaving and i would <Speech_Male> love the opportunity <Silence> to come in and audition <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> <Speech_Male> and <Speech_Male> And so he <Speech_Male> got me an appointment <Speech_Male> and because <Speech_Male> you have to know <Speech_Male> in those ten <Speech_Male> years. <Speech_Male> I actually <Speech_Male> went <Speech_Male> to see rent <Speech_Male> at least <Silence> omegas <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> ten times <Speech_Male> a year. <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> It was my solace. <Speech_Male> It was <Speech_Male> me grieving <Speech_Male> for my friend. <Speech_Male> You know jonathan <Speech_Male> and <Speech_Male> because just <Speech_Male> to quickly go <Speech_Male> back. One of my very <Speech_Male> first shows was <Speech_Male> jonathan larson piece <Speech_Male> blocks <Speech_Male> in nineteen ninety five <Speech_Male> and that's where <Speech_Male> anthony rapid <Speech_Male> i for smitten. Yasmine <Speech_Male> ehlers's than i. I <Speech_Male> met and <Speech_Male> so <Speech_Male> his <Speech_Male> devastated <Speech_Male> me in devastated. <Speech_Male> All of us right. <Speech_Male> But <Speech_Male> i didn't know <Speech_Male> how to grieve at that time <Speech_Male> either and i'm thinking <Speech_Male> what we're still doing <Speech_Male> a show so ten <Silence> <Advertisement> years later i thought <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> man <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> if i can <Silence> <Advertisement> get back <SpeakerChange> into this show <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> <Silence> <Advertisement> actually <Speech_Male> can have <Speech_Male> a good experience <Speech_Male> internally <Speech_Male> and i <Speech_Male> did you know <Speech_Male> I <Speech_Male> that <Speech_Male> we just had a really <Speech_Male> wonderful time and <Speech_Male> our original cast. <Speech_Male> That's my family to <Speech_Male> the day. I die ride. <Speech_Male> I that <Speech_Male> that's just. <Speech_Male> Words <Speech_Male> cannot <SpeakerChange> express <Silence> <Speech_Male> the <Speech_Male> love that. I have all <Speech_Male> because i was a little brother. <Speech_Male> You know what i <Speech_Male> mean and <Speech_Male> like just all <Speech_Male> over the place you know. <Speech_Male> But they've <Speech_Male> they of all people <Silence> <Advertisement> have watched <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> my growth <Speech_Male> into the man that i am <Speech_Male> today. <Speech_Male> So they <Speech_Male> are my sisters <Speech_Male> and brothers for life <Speech_Male> for <Speech_Male> life <Speech_Male> and going <Speech_Male> back to that show with <Speech_Male> this new cast <Speech_Male> their my <Speech_Male> other sisters and brothers. <Speech_Male> You know i was like. I <Speech_Male> love these people <Speech_Male> and again friends <Speech_Male> for life <Speech_Male> so but <Speech_Male> this time i was <Speech_Male> a grown man i <Speech_Male> was i <SpeakerChange> was like okay. <Speech_Male> I can do this now <Speech_Male> but you <Speech_Male> know i still <Speech_Male> still <Speech_Male> kind of <Speech_Male> not in my <Speech_Male> body. But i knew <Speech_Male> how to hide it. <Speech_Male> Well you know <Speech_Male> what i mean. <Speech_Male> I knew how to put the <Speech_Male> mask on like <Speech_Male> irene. Lewis <Speech_Male> a director. i work <Speech_Male> with. She said to <Speech_Male> me in two thousand <Speech_Male> five. <Speech_Male> Ooh you wear your <Silence> mask really well <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> and <Speech_Male> call you out. <Speech_Male> Yeah <Speech_Male> no that. I wasn't <Speech_Male> like antidepressants. <Speech_Male> And like you know. <Speech_Male> And <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> she knew she <Speech_Male> was speaking to a kindred <Speech_Male> spirit you <Speech_Male> know. <SpeakerChange> I <Speech_Male> had <Speech_Male> so many experiences <Speech_Male> in the theater <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> where you <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> know. <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> I think people <Speech_Male> could have easily written <Speech_Male> me off. <Speech_Male> You know <Speech_Male> i've had nervous <Speech_Male> breakdowns and shows <Speech_Male> you know i. <Speech_Male> I've had panic attacks <Speech_Music_Male> all of these things <Speech_Music_Male> and <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> it's interesting. Because <Speech_Male> i now look <Speech_Male> back <Speech_Male> and i'm <Speech_Male> not sad <Speech_Music_Male> about it. <Speech_Male> It was <Speech_Male> all part of my journey <Speech_Male> was all part of my growth <Speech_Music_Male> and <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> i can look back <Speech_Male> now and go <Speech_Male> wow. <Speech_Male> I am so <Speech_Male> grateful to <Speech_Male> be here now <Speech_Male> without <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> any of that because <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> why it's <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> already happened. I've <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> already. I've <Speech_Male> <Advertisement> already experienced <Speech_Male> all of that <Speech_Male> and now at forty seven. <Speech_Male> I <Speech_Male> feel as if i <Speech_Male> have this new beginning <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Male> and