Tom's Journey With Drugs and AA


My name is Tom. And I'm an addict and that's probably one of the things that I want to address. I is that Komo always a little bit hesitant to speak at an AA meeting. Because I don't have a drinking history that is going to be very involved but It was almost exclusively drugs for me. And and I apologize if that because of that. You can't relate or anything like you know anything like that but So I grew up in a small town in South Alabama about ten thousand people and Aw so pretty normal You know elementary school and you know L. High School and like I always had a girlfriend all through elementary school and really I did all through high school but along about puberty are so I began to realize my attraction attraction to other boys men so when in my town the when you leave six excreted you go straight to so in and I was just terrified of this Going to high school because in the seventh grade you have have all grades. I had seniors in my physical education class. When I was in in in high school I was in the seventh grade and the rumor was that the seventh graders are all going to have their pants ripped off and run up the flagpole and so that was a fear to however soon I began to enjoy physical education as you know it was a chance for me to peer at other boys and everything and I was kind of realizing that what I was hoping it was was a phase and but you know I didn't know anything anything about it or anything like that so you know I was hoping that it might go away one day and that everybody you know maybe everybody goes through a phase like this? Yes but it didn't go away and of course you know I've I've always joked that in in my town like being gay would be You know akin to or or let me put put it this way. I always used to say that the Guy who robbed the liquor store and shot the clerk would be more respected than a gay person. I'm in my town so you know. Of course I I kept that all client and you know whether this can you know this will come up because it hasn't I I. My story has a lot to do with my story with drugs has a lot to do with sex so in college college. I smokes marijuana in my freshman year. But it didn't get off but finally I I kind of came out in the summer of my junior between my junior and senior year in college and you know had sex for the first time and STARTED GOING TO ATLANTA. I went to school at Auburn. Which is in Alabama and it's about two hours from Atlanta so I started going to Atlanta a lot and so I would like go to Atlanta on Friday night state state of the bars closed and then come back to football game on Saturday then go back to Atlanta on Saturday night has stayed in the bars? Close rolling down windows and doing all kinds of things to to keep myself awake while I was doing all that driving. But so you know I was given pot and so in my my senior year I got off on pot and I you know I had been drinking and I noticed like all during my fraternity parties parties and all that other guys seem to get a lot more fun out of it than I did because I would get you know when I got to where I could feel it I would enjoy it for about an hour or so and then I get really hungry and I'd WanNa eat then I wanna go to sleep. And then the next day it was always always a at least a twenty four hour recovery for me. There was no question how about after I had been drunk. Was I going to go to this class the next day or anything like that. I was praying to the porcelain goddess the entire day so when I discovered pod that was like oh now I've got something that I can do at parties but immediately my friends changed and this was back in like nineteen seventy three seventy four and so you know it was Kinda like it would be kind of like you know so okay okay. I became a person that you're cool. If you smoke pod you know you kinda like would say hey eighties Mojo year. I smoke all this kind of stuff and so would I am I band and my other friends and so I was. I was in. ROTC in college and So I immediately went into the airforce right after college. I was a pretty big whoop empty. Do in ROTC and college. I was like the Cadet Commander of Air Force Army Navy Navy. ROTC for this big presentation celebration and all this kind of stuff. Even though I had begun smoking pot and hitting the gay bars ars on the weekends and so when I got into the air force I was going to go. I was in in pilot training and so you know while I was flying these planes with an instructor all that kind of stuff. I thought this is not going to be very good. pot-smoking job so I was thinking I began to think about. Okay now. What do I want to do? You know that would be a good pot-smoking job and so and immediately by the way when I started smoking pot I never expected as much from me after that. My my whole self esteem or what. I thought that I might become all of that was never was never the same name so I was thinking pop truck driver. That would be a good pot-smoking job especially since I seem to have to have a joint everywhere. I went in the car. You know which is ridiculous so Douglas. Maybe you can identify with with that. I mean you know because it's just you know it's dangerous for that too but but it seemed like like a good idea at the time so I eliminated myself from pilot training and became an administrative officer and so but the night before I started pilot training. I need to go back. That was used to go. I was stationed in Selma Alabama Emma all places and used to go to Atlanta on the weekends and so I was at this guy who let me stay at his house when I would go to Atlanta and he was having a party and he gave me there was a little bit of powder on the end of a knife and he you gave it to me just swallow. And so that was when I first discovered met and we never. We never mentioned the word meth back. Then we always called Krystal a nice a nice sounding word and so I thought and an identified like. Here's the point where identify a lot with people whose drug of choice is alcohol. Because immediately I thought where has this. I've been all my life. I know what's wrong with me. This must be how normal people feel and so I was you you know I felt better looking. I was a better conversationalist I had deep conversations that night with people that I couldn't stand And and You know I just thought this was you know I've said this before that. So what's wrong with me is I've been suffering from a meth deficiency Z. Crystal deficiency and so. I thought that that was the answer. And of course it turned on me. I got caught during the Air Force in the Air Force with a with a test. Urine urine test best. They called it operation golden flow so I got caught and I lied my way out. You know they. The Command base commander called me and he said like there were there. Were two positives in the test and Lieutenant Sawyer. One of them was yours and I go mine why he said well. You tested positive for him. Fatemi so I go amphetamine for me. What could that be you know and I said Oh I was in Vancouver? I was stationed in Upper Washington state. Right on the Canadian border. I said well I was was in Vancouver the last week and I was going to go skiing the next day and a guy gave me this diet this diet. Take this and you won't be tired tired. And so and I said I thought a diet pill which is something you could buy. I didn't know that it was anything wrong with that. Just lying through my teeth the whole time know exactly what it was but so I had to pee for a month in the you know. Oh every every week for a month and but I did get my self out of that but even you know during that during during that month I was thinking all kinds of ways. Like how could I scheme to Be Able to do some crystal and not get caught in the urinalysis Ossis but so after I got out of the Air Force I went back went to graduate school and I I was only there a couple of quarters and then I I dropped Out and I I moved to Atlanta. which is where my disease really took

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