Netflix, Jecht, MOS discussed on Earn Your Happy
And I'm like I was back I was fat and I was that precious vulnerable little little child and you know we we grow up in society becomes we become calloused in society becomes callous to adult but inside every adult is that precious woman in child. It's still lives on and I was that and so it's it is infused me with a different kind of appreciation for my own on life And I refuse more than ever before to betray myself. I just that's what people pleasing is. I mean and people pleasing is pleasing other people in in denying your own wishes your own truth your own authentic self In in an effort to to please someone else you know. You're you're you're suffocating your truth and that just you that that that loses this is a appeal what life changes like something like coming among. I can't even imagine because I feel like just facing those things without a child is still. That's still so big. It's almost like I'm kind of equating a baby. With like a dream that I'm inserting right now. This is important. And that's your job to I. Ha I have other babies. I'm trying to give birth to. Yeah you know humans have no they have no time either. Like if you're talking about writing books you're like actually can't even think about that. It takes me out of this huge for people who You know people are listening to our MOMS as well but also this is so great for future if they feel like they wanna be But as far as self betrayal. When does that like how does it show up for you when you're like? Oh I know that this is exactly what I'm doing. What does it feel like? What do you have to do for say like is it usually a tough conversation or what you know what? I actually wrote an essay about this. Okay Sir I can. I would love to just have access to whatever files you have there in your phone okay. I am not going to read the full thing but I am going to read read the intro because I think it will answer Mushin. I think this is what it is for me. Yes okay. The title title of this essay. Is that mask of people pleasing smothering truth so let me just and you know it can look like so many different things it can look like avoidance it can you know avoiding conversations that you really you. You really need to have You you know it can look like being at a holiday gathering with a family member and you both have such staunchly different views and you're smiling and nodding politely politely while they're saying things that make your skin itch you know. God I just are you. Are you in my journal is happening. So I'm GonNa read just the Intro Okay and then I wanna I wanna get your on so that mask of people. Losing smothering itches. The phone rings. It's one of them again. One of those people whose presence this feels like a cold heavy chain you glance downward at the glowing screen and everything within you. Please don't answer it not today but you take a deep breath and you brace this yourself and you accept the call anyway you always do. I need your help. They say and for reasons. You can never explain you feel possessed to accommodate them to gallop into to their bad day like a knight on a white horse to loan the money run the errands by the presence and wrap them in a shiny paper to entertain their dramas and pacify lamentations sometimes even sweep their dusty floors and scrub their dirty dishes. Now you're staring at the clock dreaming of that lunch hour you'll no longer we having the one on spin away from the world with your favorite sandwich. Then you'll be breaking huffing and puffing through traffic in glorious pursuit of their rescue it reminds you of the time you trade it in that Netflix state with your blanket couch bottle of wine for the unwanted dinner. Invitation the one where the other person's gossip as the main course you gloss Austria Lips and zipped herself into your party dress with a sense of dread is heaviest cement all the while asking yourself. How do I always get myself into the Shin? And before the night it was dying your reserve of Energy Hollow Dry. It's okay though you filled it somehow sort of but did you ever stop to ask yourself wait a minute. Don't have the right to say no making me cry. It's just so we do that for years. And years and years like give twenty thirty forty years years of my life had been like. Oh my God. And we're imprisoned by it slave. We are hostages to that end. You know I think some of it. Here's here's what I think and tell me if you agree. I don't I don't know if you had this process the biggest thing that has helped me br in there are layers to people pleaded not not. You're not just GonNa like have the slight moment and you know it again like we were just talking about. I have a I struggle the last twenty four hours in them with something and and you just have to re- okay this is. This is the person I choose to be now. This is the person that you speak but I think one of the biggest things that I did actually did did this before. I had my baby a few years ago when I really made a lot of progress in that realm. I really did a lot of time. Travel to figure out what the people pleasing sort of diseased crew end main because for everybody is different and there could be one thing to things five five things a variety of things you know just a dynamic a specific relationship in your life that really You know the something very dependent. Where did it start and I think you have to figure that out And then you sort of disempowered like you make it smaller you you kind of give it a name or a face like you know and and you make it smaller. And that's what I that's what I started to do. So that anytime it would creep up. You know doing that favor that I I didn't want to do or listening to that person's drama for three hours while highlight needed to go to. The bathroom wanted to spend time with my husband had fifty emails to answer. Or maybe just didn't WanNa do anything at all because that's what my soul my mind my heart need and that night I you know I would be like. Why am I doing this and I think it for me? It came from you know like we talked about earlier learning from a very young age experiencing trauma that I I figured out how to do. Say something really funny to Jecht people out of their grieving and laugh and that became asked me purpose. I can do that. That's awesome. It made me feel good. Some of it comes from just you know so. A combination of being from a religious family dynamic being female in the south that is a part of it and and abandonment issues. You know feeling like if I don't say what this person wants to say or if I don't agree with what this person thinks thanks or if I don't abide by there fall if I don't align myself with their expectations they'll leave me. They won't love me. I won't I think that's ninety five percent. Yes yes don't you. Oh my God so I while you were talking about the what just spurred for me was feeling like you. Won't I was raised extra. I I don't think we've even talked about this. I was raised extremely religious. No Oh yeah yeah see I I see you and I hadn't called it. You know this this might even be the first time I say it out loud without saying it to other people but truly I wasn't aware because I always want to go back because my family still in it I want to say I'm so grateful. I you know I want to like like you know. Make sure that everyone's okay but truly I experienced extreme religious trauma around small things going wrong that turned into big things or big things going wrong that turned into bigger things I'm just not feeling like I was parented as much by my parents because you were also parented by. I'm wall of my colors. So how do I know they will hug minute. We'll chat about that after and I think that I had I felt like everything was under a microscope. Always so just going to hell and I was I lived in. You're going to hell I was well. Ours was ours was different. It was the world ending. Okay was afraid of that of the rover. Yes what what religion. I'll tell you okay. Yeah everybody know locally so yeah I just always if anybody you know I see this deep-rooted deep-rooted keeping someone safe well but also peeler. They're learning voice and this was my in one thing. I'm very aware of why I talk about it. In a certain way is this was my experience absolutely no so many people in this religion who are having a great experience experience. But I had something with you know if you are in a area or a lot of people are a certain way in one specific place or whatnot because I did find out later that being from a small town in that and then being from a bigger place is quite different. Yeah so just. According to you know who's in your church or concrete grieg your truth and as you it is you gotta protect lorries truth over protecting someone you know and if people get offended what are they afraid of What are they afraid? Afraid yes what are they threatened by. Because in that. And you're right. I have the same thing you know. I have my family. I'm so in love with my family and my grandparents parents my cousins. My precious just talked to my grandmother this morning. You know I- But what works for some people you know I I think for me. I'll share. You know I have again. Hey to keep using this but it is true. I went to a summer camp. It was a very very charismatic church. Okay and I went to a summer camp About a year after my mom passed away or the tragedy happened. My family members passed away and there was this. There was a lot of emotionalism in in this denomination sector of Christianity. And just maybe specific church or whatever but There's a lot of emotions very charismatic. And they all gathered around me and I'm just like a seven year old girl and they're laying their hands on me and yelling and speaking in tongues things in and it was just scared me alive and so there I had a lot of there was a lot of pressure to also do that and I think for me that worked some people that felt true that way for them and that is honor that and that that's great but the point is that's not. The point is not the point of knocking any religion ever it is that that did not the Phil That wasn't a line with what felt safe to me. Me did not feel authentic and true and there was pressure to behave in that when it didn't feel right uh-huh so that I think is the true betrayal of south that's where the betrayal of selves. And that's the true just that that's that's the pain that's the pain ain't told me unless the deep stuff you're talking about like the not being accepted by the people who you love the Mos look up to and that and yes yes I know that guy that are your means of.