Listen: Jake Kemp, Pine Cliff, Reporter discussed on Welcome to Night Vale
"Displays of joy exhibited by players. Last season. We're not in the spirit of sportsmanship. The most egregious example was when cactus parks to meal Whiteside scored the game winning touchdown against pine cliff. He and the rest of his teammates then performed in the end zone, the entirety of the Tony winning musical sensation, wicked district head of officiating. Jake Kemp announced. I'm tired of selfish, Kim. Kids making team sport all about them. In my day when we scored, we would calmly hand the ball to the ref and jog back to the sideline head down. Maybe he continued. Maybe more religious kid might offer a quick prayer to the Brown stone spire and unobtrusive gesture of kneeling, cutting your finger open drawing, nine pointed star with your blood as your teammates danced about shirtless and chanting something in ancient Acadian or Greek, but nothing ostentatious like what kids these days do. Did you see that one kid who did a back flip up backflip this is football, not circus. Oh, les son kept shouted. He added that millennials are killing everything good in the world. One reporter reported that current highschoolers are not even part of the millennial generation. Another reporter pointed out that camp is thirty three years old, which makes a deal Kemp paused and said, you wanna be like that fine Kemp then begin to grunt and strain his face darkened to deep violet as long white-haired gushed from the top of his head and out of his chin, his posture weakened his back now, hunched wrinkles formed around his eyes and lips and his kin loosened. He then said, Horsely, I'm ninety three now. So you know where you can put that millennial comment of yours. The reporter assumed Kemp meant at the sports section of the newspaper. So that's where the reporter put it in the middle of Beaumont's, press conference, assistant coach, Christopher Tisdale. Whispered into her ear and she frowned when asked to elaborate she said she just received word that another new rule is that all players must have two or fewer legs, which prohibits her starting quarterback Junius Dunkin from taking the field upset by this sudden change Beaumont cited the golden retriever who was allowed to play basketball for cactus park back in nineteen Ninety-seven thing named the dog air. But because the dog was the former CEO of an airline, admittedly, the dog was terrible at basketball. He ran in circles and barked at the coach retreats, while opposing teams took advantage of the five on four mismatch. But according to Beaumont, a precedent was set for multilegged players. Oh, this is terrible. News, poor Junius must be devastated. Beaumont's, press conference is still going on. We'll get back to it soon. But for now. When the first bolt of lightning struck the sea and the first apex of rock crested the tumultuous oceans, the elders among the stars brought life onto the earth. These children of star dust became humans became thority of their tiny planet. They created science and art, and they worshiped their galactic forbears, but their hubris grew in them like a cancer and they abandoned the benevolence of their creators. The vigilant determination of life leads only to death. And ironic, a robbery us to be laughed at by the elders of the cosmos. Diet, Pepsi. Humans are a knock, knock joke of the gods. Let's take a look now at night Vale high schools, district rivals this season. Starting with last year's champs, the red Mesa, aunt carpenters, red Mesa returns. They're starting quarterback seniors Salman Talib who leads a dynamic passing offense anchored by junior wide receiver. Trunk fam- fans quick feet, five frame and nearly twenty inch Antlers allow him to break free from smaller defenders. The pine cliff lizard monitor's return with the league's top offense. Everyone in pine cliff is a ghost making them quite delusive. But the flip side of that is that their defense is terrible. In terms of total tackles made last season. They finished dead last pun, not intended, but pun certainly embraced. Because it's not bad."