Spring Washam And Lotus Vine Journeys
Hi Matteo. Thank you for having me. It's so nice to have you here. Yes Fun. In reading fierce heart this memoir book. And listening to your teachings. It seems that quite young age you understood the primary role that mind has to play in emotional wellbeing. In, your childhood life, it seems as though it was very, very difficult growing up in the inner city life of poverty and racism, and there were some abandoned men and. And in fact, a lot of violence around you and so my question is, when was it that you began to look inward Lee for your strength rather than blaming the outside world? That's a really, really good question because I think as a child when I was growing up, I did get very confused and I was very interested because the adults around me their behavior and they were suffering so much. So this is very I guess empathetic child. So I could feel what was happening around me I could see the suffering and so that did make. Me Inquire what is causing this and I think I read in the book at just age five years old I turned to my older sister and said, wow, this is gonna be really hard. It's going to be a hard life because I could just see it. You know there wasn't a lot of wisdom we were poor. We were black I was like, okay here we go. There there's you know this is going to be you know a of hill-climb here And I think I just I. Just stayed really interested and as I got older I started to study psychology. Young teenager I got very interested in self-help bugs and Wayne Dyer I was reading in the fifth grade. I read one of his books. How did you come into? Wayne dyers book and were you living in? Compton at the time now we were actually living in a little apartment. We were up in northern California. We had migrated up we back and forth between southern and northern. California and we're in northern California and my mother was depressed and went to the librarian went to the self help section, and of course all back. Then there was Louis. Wayne Tire. And Louis Hayes so I think it was his book you'll believe it when you you'll see it when you believe it. And I remember reading that and I remember saying, yes or something with my mind I knew it and he affirms But I wasn't I. Didn't have the support to go deeper. Obviously I was ten and so but I remember men something like, yes there's something going off my thinking and the people around me, their thoughts it's making them suffer and it's leading to this behavior and addiction, and so the night just continued he knows I got older and older until I really started. Practicing Meditation like Eighteen Nineteen and when when was that that I do you remember the first time you tried meditation. We'll the very first time was when I read. Wayne dyers book and I went in there. Then in there I I the funny thing is I, told my mother was six anyone to go to school. So I played like I was sick to stayed home. and. Had nothing to do at that time our TV was broken and we didn't have money to fix it, and so there was a stack of books that was it and that's let and I tried to practice I. Remember I tried to count down from ten to zero and I couldn't do it. Of course thought came you know I was noticing that and going Oh. Side gave up for that time being but I got really interested a later when I was a part of this church called Gubbay pay here in southern Colorado Beckwith Beckwith who I adore and I've who's been you know great supporter of mine endorsed my book and I started to practice more, and then that led me into different traditional. Hindu. Tradition with Parma's Uganda. Realization Fellowship Centralisation down the street here in Carlsbad. I really got into practice there but then not led me into of the Dharma and I. I long retreat was a day retreat where I learned the pasta meditation, which Cornfield Pasta Meditation Sometimes, a translation is sort of insight meditation insight meditation. What can I before we get there? Can You? Can you describe what led you to the to to that to go on at ten day retreat like why would? Is. Not. Every day that somebody just like is. Packed up and goes to a ten day retreat. So what led you to that we looking for something Well I think when I had joined the self realization fellowship, I was really interested in meditation. I'd read a book somebody left a book on my table, and in this apartment I was living in an Oakland and I opened it and it just. A whole world opened. It was all about meditation. And I realized then that I wanted to live a spiritual life, it was like it was like death rebirth moment and was like goodbye to this. Hello to this. Of course, I want to spiritually based life in years how I do it By circumstances around you where they conducive to that spiritual life. Now I mean, what were you doing? It's crazy town now selling timeshare living with this crazy guy I'm sure. Yeah. Selling timeshares that was smoking weed I. Wasn't you know I had bills. I wasn't responsible everything was you know we're at that time I moved in with him in East Oakland it was just it wasn't good and I got very depressed and self realization fellowship was beautiful. But they didn't have any technique. They just go to these three hour meditation kind of kind of method to apply. Exactly. They would just say love God and I would say, okay, I'm trying but three hours later I didn't know it didn't feel like I was getting where I needed to go. Right? It was like the self realization happening right thought about my issues for three hours. I. Didn't know how to eventually if I sat long enough. Out of sheer to giving up my mind got quiet but I needed I felt as if I needed a teacher, there was an living teacher was just the disciples in the programs that they had it in. You know. So I started praying for a living teacher I need help my brain. Oh, very much I prayed and prayed and prayed, and then sure enough I heard about this ten day retreat in the desert and they said they you. Instructions and there's teachers there and you can talk to them and they're alive. You know it's not just books.