Managing Marital Entropy...Why Doing Something, ANYTHING For Your Better Than Nothing At All!

The Virtual Couch


There's the free parenting courses there's links to the path back recovery program and there's a way to sign up for my magnetic marriage course that is coming up and i've talked a lot about it but i'm just giddy weight. It's very good. We've been editing getting the workbook ready videos and is going to be really good and yesterday. I'm recording this. On a tuesday morning i did do my interview with dr jennifer finless and five. That will come out probably in about a week or so and man. We covered some ground. I was so grateful for her time. And for i know. There's a lot of jennifer finley some five fans and we have good. She's that's her third appearance on the virtual couch and that is coming up and hopefully by next week so stay tuned for that. Okay we're gonna be talking about marriage. Marriage therapy marital entropy how to intentionally do good things for your marriage. So let's get to today's episode on marital entropy. Today's topic is one debt. And almost i want to take you on my train of thought on why i wanted to record this episode and why almost record this episode and then why didn't and now i am again. So the concept is on marital entropy and this is something that preston had mentioned to me when we were just prepping some of the materials for the course lower now editing videos and getting the workbook ready to go. And he just mentioned off. Hand this concept of marital entropy. And i have studied the concept of in the past without much success because i never been one that is very solid in the ways of science and and so i thought marital entropy tell me more and he went on to talk about this concept where in marital entropy if one is not working on something that it will eventually fall into chaos or disregard and apparently there is and i found this but i don't have it up in front of me now but there's an example that is well known or well us and it talks about. I believe a teenager in their room that if they are just left and not working on cleaning the room that the room will eventually fall into scored but it will that the second law thermodynamics known also known as entropy kind of kicks in and it says that theater g degrades over time so that teenager. If anybody has a teenager you'll recognize this. The bed continues to not be made dishes or left around dirty clothes. All those sort of things are left. The room degrades definitely does degrade over time and so in layman's terms than entropy which is absent any kind of skill set or intervention that naturally moves toward disorder. So how does that apply to marriage. I felt like this kind of summed up everything that i've learned over the last decade plus of seeing couples in my office for therapy. That people naturally mean well that they go into a relationship wanting the best out of their marriage but over time if they aren't actively working on the relationship and that could mean a variety of things that it will start to fall toward more chaos or more disorder and a lot of times. There are so many reasons why people don't necessarily have the skills of the tools they maybe were never modeled a very successful relationship growing up or they just don't know what to even do they. Don't even know what those interventions would look like. And so they start to have this wedge caribbean between the couple and you get twenty years down the road. The kids are almost out of the home. And then the parents often realize even know who my my spouse is and so a lot of times. I feel like that. Is maybe what this marital entropy can look like. So i don't have a lot of data i normally. Here's why here's why i didn't. I was about to record this a week or two ago. And then i didn't as because i really liked the find evidence space studies or models or that sort of thing to base my podcast episodes off of. I'm such a anti pop. Psychology guy drives me crazy. Almost maybe to a default where i will default on samant to say almost to a fault where i feel like if i don't have a nice evidence studied to work off of that i am endanger of volleying or succumbing to a pop psychology. Mit and. i'll give you one of my favorite pop. Psychology missed a to bust. And do this. Every chance i can. And so if you've listened to several episodes of the virtual couch you'll see where i'm going here but take that example of how many days it takes weeks to create a new habit if are like most people i asked you right now. How long does it take to create a new habit. Your first response might be twenty one days three weeks. It takes to create a new habit. And that data is out there. Google right now. If you've never heard that and you will find that in droves you will find that all over the place and that is based off of a plastic surgeon who was traveled with the troops in world war. One or two. I can't remember right now. And he was working with people that had limbs or blown off in combat and he observed that i think is was maxwell malts but after about three weeks twenty one days.

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