Liar, Liar Pants on Fire! Telling the Truth About Compulsive, Pathological and White Lies

The Virtual Couch
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Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Back recovery dot com and find out a little bit more. You can come check out. The cuban calls the forum is up and running. There are qna calls. That are there in the forum. So i would highly encourage that great Great results reviews thriving community of people that are supported each other and again a no shame put pornography behind them kind of way. So that's path back recovery dot com. And i would encourage you to go to tony. Overby dot com. Sign up to find out more about my coming magnetic marriage program getting a lot of interest in out that is going to be launching soon very very soon. And you're going to start to hear a lot more about that. Have started talk about some other podcasts. As well and that's been a lot of fun. There are four pillars of a connected conversation. That i am starting to talk about a lot in. They are the key they are so key to having productive conversations and marriage and in life. So i would highly encourage you to sign up to find out more and i would look for you to go follow me on instagram at virtual couch. There are some people that are helping me out there. And so a lot of quotes from podcast episodes from myself and from some of my guests are finding their way there and those are things that you can share and hopefully there are things that we'll be motivational or help in a lot of different ways and so that is on the virtual couch page on instagram. So ed virtual couch so let's get to today's episode. This has been one that i did many many years ago. A mini mini to two years. Ago well one of the earlier episodes on the virtual couch. I talked about lying. And it's something that i've wanted to get to and ran re-addressed because lying is something that we deal with on a daily basis and if you've been listening to the virtual couch for a while you will know that ideal a lot with people that are in relationships with people that have a personality disorder people that may have narcissistic tendencies or borderline tendencies or histrionic tendencies or antisocial personality disorder. And i'm working with a lot of the people that are in those relationships and so they deal a lot with that term that a lot of people feel like is being overused but in my world is something that is so important to know that term has gas lighting which is a form of psychological manipulation. Where a person or group of people. Overtly sows the seeds of doubt in in a targeted individual or group making them question their own memory in their perception their judgment. And i'll tell you. Why is this episode again. It had something planned during the just been thinking about this one for a while. Was i was on psychology today yesterday. I think it was and there was an article by a phd christian heart and it's entitled the only way to really detect when somebody is lying. And i thought it was really fascinating. He he says that most attempts to detect liars fail because people look for entirely cues and he talked about. There's a lot out there. And i actually downloaded a book at one point in audio book by a former c. i. a. operatives who talked about reading body language and it was pretty interesting and i would bring that those things into my practice and i felt like there was some data that could be gathered from the book but there were also times where people and i really feel like this is one of those acceptance and commitment therapy moments where people may may react the way they do based on their own situations own nature nurture the way they were raised the way they grew up so while some people want to might be a cue for ally with some person that with another that it just wasn't that easy and that's what christian heart talked about in his article said. How can you tell somebody who's lying. If you google the question you'll find their mountains of books. In supplies youtube videos thousands of blogs and articles ready to prove the answers and he said sadly quick perusal of the sources reveal that they're loaded with claims that have little or no basis in reality so they typically suggest that the direction of percents gays or avoiding contact fidgeting or these things called micro expressions or the change of a pitch of someone's voice and many other cues will tell whether a person is being honest in trying to deceive you and he said that the authors of most of these pieces offered help Tried to help you become an expert light detectors but sometimes for a bit of a modest fee and he said there's one important fact that these sources seem to ignore as that there simply are no behavioral cues that can reliably indicate when somebody is lying researchers like himself he's a he's a phd. A researcher has tien low for these cues for decades. And the best that anybody has come up with as a small number of behavioral cues that are extremely unreliable so the simple truth is ignored by many purveyors of lie detection tips. He says that there just aren't any solid cues to deception such as unfortunately not a knows that grows longer when somebody is lying and he doesn't say that when provided with extensive training in detecting deceit people typically do improve and they become more effective lie detectors but the problem is that most people start out performing only slightly better than chance and i found that data to back it up for the most part the ability for somebody to determine whether or not somebody is lying even when they are trained can can be upwards of sixty percent instead of random fifty percent chance so he said that is that they're not really that much better than random guessing so why can't we easily detect liars and it turns out that people are just really good at concealing their lives and i feel like this goes into that work that i've done win trained to assess whether or not personality disorders like narcissism for example our nature or nurture or they are the born or they bred and i think the answer lies somewhere between but a lot of the data. We have now says that most kids will know kids. Let me do all or nothing statement. All kids are selfish. That's what kids are. They don't know any better. They are designed to have their needs met when they're babies. They cry until their needs are met and then as they move through childhood into adulthood the right attachment figures in their lives or they have the support than they move from. Selfish to some version of self confident.

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