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Which of These Four Attachment Styles Is Yours?
Have you seen the show how I met your mother? It's about a bunch of flawed but lovable New Yorkers trying to find or hang onto love as they go through life challenges which ranged from silly to momentous. It's a funny feel good. And sometimes poignant said calm but what I like most about it is that it's a perfect showcase of human attachment styles if you don't know what attachment styles are or have an ever seen the show. Don't worry once you hear about the characters and how they personify each attachment style you'll be sure to recognize yourself or people. You know Ba. I what is attachment attachment is the bond we form with our first primary caregiver usually apparent. It's a universal human phenomenon thus starts as early as in the womb. And THE WAY WE'VE DEVELOPED. It eventually affects the way that we find keep an end relationships therefore major attachment styles that people form early in life and generally tend to keep into adulthood. These styles are one secure too. Dismissive avoidance three anxious preoccupied and for fearful avoidance also known as disorganized to figure out what style of attachment you tend to have their quizzes. You can take they ask you to agree or disagree with statements like I easily develop emotional ties to others. If a partner pushed me to establish a commitment I freak out inside or if I'm not in a relationship I am. Nobody you can see that. These items are probing the way we think of others and ourselves in the context of relationships and intimacy so wh- attachment style. Do you think you have well. Let's see if you most closely related to Ted Barney or someone else from how I met your mother in this first in a three part series on attachments. We'll let the beloved how I met your mother characters guide us through the four major attachment styles before I go on although how I met your mother came to an end in two thousand fourteen which I cannot believe is six years ago. It lives on digitally in case. You're in the middle of your first. How I met your mother marathon. I should warn you that this episode contains a few spoilers the show so let's walk through the four types of attachment and the characters that personified him so attachment style number securely attached and this is lily and Marshall Lily. And Marshall are the quintessential cute couple. They how quirky jokes. They have cute nicknames for Each Other which are lily pad and marshmallow. They finish each other's sentences but none of these cuteness overload explains why there's securely attached when a person has a secure attachment style. They feel confident in their relationship and their partner they feel connected trusting and comfortable with having independence and letting their partner have independence even as they openly express love. They reach out for support when they need it and offer support when their partner is distrust. And this is where Louis Marshall Really Excel. The relationship wasn't all puppies and rainbows for all nine seasons of how I met your mother. There were times when they broke up. Had family tragedies worried about building their own family and had awful fights house seemed to shake the very foundation of their future together but through it all. They fundamentally trusted. Each Other. Openly showed affection sometimes enough to make you gag. They told each other their thoughts and feelings even when it was difficult and they offer support when the other was sad and gave each other space when the other person needed it this type of attachment styles starts when early in life. A child feels that their parent is a secure base. So that even though they're happy to be with mom or dad they also feel confident enough to explore the world on their own. Kids grow up this way when their parents themselves are securely attached people and when they use an authoritative parenting style meaning they are involved and firm but also warm and allow independence given lily and Marshall's own security and they're loving style. I bet their kids will turn out to have very secure relationships of their own attachment style. Number two is dismissive avoidance. And here. We're going to talk about Barney Barney. Stinson may have been one of the most legendary Sitcom characters ever his whole life and career was a mystery and he certainly knew how to live life in the fast lane with his womanizing ways and through his romantic relationships we can see that he is the poster boy or at least on the surface. He is for the dismissive avoidance attachment style. People who have the dismissive avoid into attachment style tend to be very emotionally independent. Perhaps overly so they find it uncomfortable to get to mostly close to others or to fully trust them. In fact those around them may describe them as actively trying to avoid closeness. They seem to pride themselves on not needing emotional intimacy and when they're rejected or hurt. They tend to pull away. Although we see Barney with a lot of quote romantic relationships they tend to be mostly one ice stance. He even has a system for getting rid of women the morning after seducing them because he doesn't want to get to know them or spend any more time than necessary with them when we do get a glimpse of his vulnerability like the time. You finally get to know the father that he never knew growing up. He immediately leaves the room when he feels hurt. And then he tries to steal the men's basketball hoop which is not a very securely attached kind of way to solve problems. Barney's dismissive avoid an attachment style is quite understandable because the dismissive avoid an attachment style is associated with having had negligent or absent parents and generally having experienced rejection. Not only did Barney grow up without a father but his mother was also dismissive towards him even going as far as the casually light Barney that his father was Bob Barker from the prices rates and from flashbacks. We know that Barney was also rejected by his peers when he was a kid and his first serious girlfriend also brutally broke up with him but just because Barney ACCI. He doesn't need emotional closys most of the time. That doesn't mean he truly doesn't want intimacy and relationships. Research has shown that even people who are highly dismissive feel happier and better about themselves when they feel accepted or when they anticipate having good relationships with others and we do see the side of Barney shine through. He does end up cultivating forgiving attitude and relationship with his father and even shows his willingness to commit to romantic relationships by getting married. Even though that marriage ultimately ends we see him making efforts and potentially turning over a new vulnerable emotional leaf when his daughter is born. Now Talk About attachment style number. Three anxious preoccupied. And here we're GonNa talk about Ted. Have you met Ted? He's the lovable hero and narrator of the nine season how I met your mother. Saga there are many sweet and admiral will things about him but sometimes the way he handled. Romantic relationships was a bids cringe-worthy to say the least for example. He can't help. Say I love you within days of meeting someone? He made one girlfriend get rid of her dogs because they were inherited from previous boyfriends and he felt threatened by that for someone who has an interesting career in New York City and great friends. He seems to be totally consumed by his search for the one. He's always easily falling in love. Even an unhealthy situations not to mention that the entire nine seasons of the show built up to him major spoiler coming by the way asking his own kids for permission to date. A- LONG-TERM LOVE INTEREST. These are not just symptoms of being goofy awkward or a hopeless romantic. They actually pointed heads anxious preoccupied attachment style. People with the style tents crave emotional intimacy even when their partner is not yet ready or the situation doesn't call for it. They need a lot of approval responsiveness and reassurance from their partners. They can get anxious when they don't get it. It's not fun to have this Tasha's style. Often people like Ted field dependent on others for approval and doubt their own self worth. That's only reinforced. When the target of their clinginess never seems to be as interested.