"As we raise our boys today in a world. That's changing I'll social conditioning. Needs to change into directions. We need to let our goals to know they can. It'd be strong and feisty in its AK and we need to know that there are times when boys need to be vulnerable inside and that also needs to be a Chi- what are you hear out there. I I know you've done your own research with young men. What are some of the concerns that you have A? What are the issues that they're Having let's just mentioned again up front that boys is not all boys and it's not all goes ever but we know it's statistically significant number of our boys that I'll we'll be talking about firstly what we understand is there are some differences in the ways that Faye Mouth Mayo's respond to destroy so things that upset them and particularly when our make delegates fired up so we have a sense of threat and often that comes as you. Beautifully explained to so many times in those very early years when there's unmet make needs and so many those can be simple ones that we understand angry is a very real problem boys. We now. Little Boys will experience. It's hunger much more quickly more intensely than goes so sometimes when that happens and I might ask mom for something to wait. And if you're a bit busy or distracted you realized just how much that is triggering his nervous system wrought then so sometimes. That's enough for them to get upset and want to kick doc because they're trying to tell you it's actually a little bit more urgent than they can handle and manage. So that's a that's a really simple one about an unmet need that we need to recognize is a little little bit different. Secondly WanNA touch on what we've now found from near near I science Wayne famous particularly goes young and also in puberty because of really volatile windows and we're learning how to manage Esso's when we get up sit and our limbic brain fires up the knicks fix into the fires up is would center so we caught off and come out very quickly with words explaining how we're feeling was saying things to express express out big ugly feelings so boys and men the tendency is to go for the limbic brain and then it goes down into the body. So can that make sense to those times at our boys social health and hit scream sometimes because that's actually energy coming out of the body out through the mouth the ability for them to not only the identity. What they're feeling and then to articulate? It is definitely more difficult for voice. And we're still hearing people assigned to boys plays. Don't cry. Don't cry because boys shouldn't cry. You need to toughen up what happens. Is We shut down. That capacity feel comfortable to express vulnerable feelings wchs and that comes at a cost lighter. I share a quick story. So there's a five year old little boy. And he has transitioned into his five-year-old's setting his Co.. Different names around the vote for that. Anyway this little boy had been fine and then all of a sudden he starts throwing toys ways that other children. He's started really physically pushing to hurt. which isn't a normal boy behavior pushing to connect this not pushing shing to hurt? So is distressed mom his obviously frantic to figure out what was wrong so when I spoke to her so what has changed in your little boys boys world that is now overloaded his nervous system so that he has triggered into this behind you because he's trying to tell you he is really struggling with some big ugly feelings. I said what's changed firstly. She said all his grandmother Spain in hospital and I said Yup and she and the mums again. I know she's home now. I don't think that's big enough. They something else because this is a big change in behavior so this is the big ugly feelings coming out through behind you and unconscious it. All and now I've worked out what it is. His very favorite teacher who he loved dearly has gone on maternity leave. I said that's it so this little boy is is grieving deeply every day that he's Saif person who looked after him. When Mommy wasn't there is no longer there? He doesn't have the words to express that and side but that was what the behavior was about so we worked building that connection we also worked at him being out to send a card to his maternity leave teacher and within in three days. That little boy was back to bang. happy little boy was able to express the grief in tears then mom validated to him. This is what happens when we lose things we love particularly people and it is very much like a death experience for boy. He's five live. He can't see her so she might as well have died to him. Grief and death and losses. Something I've worked in in and this is why I want you to get the Guinea pig. That doc is because we want our children particularly boys tonight that it really hurts in your heart and that is big and it actually is really hoped hoped by sometimes crying. That feels I K- sometimes it can be stomping efate. Sometimes it actually might be us wanting to do do things like running dislodging. Bigger energy out of our body for Boise Self Needs Movement so we let them know that being said scraped we want we one ad Dads to cry around the death and loss of things like that we want them to crawl in the Guinea pig is wanting to say this is a world where it's okay for us to shed those tears."