School For Substance Abuse Counselors, Apple, Tyler discussed on For Realness Sake
Of people at a young age or like you get told that you're like the man of the house or something like that. Who wants to hear your problems? I get it. Once you express a little bit of vulnerability. Then you know. You're the foundation says like so the foundation is we or seems we then everything crumbling because you're never given the opportunity or maybe you didn't feel like you should take the opportunity to express yourself as a kid. You grow up thinking that no one wants to hear your gripes. Because you're supposed to be strong you're supposed to be x Y Z. Whatever mail Standard they've created. Or you know me personally I grew up. I was the only child I was eleven and I feel like I missed that That part of my life could learn how to express myself so You know there's a lot of time spent I spent time alone And I was the only kid so it wasn't like I could call my siblings or say You know this is going on on only one house right so I think that's what it was for me like me not really learn how to express myself and when things were going on. The House is kind of like all right. Let me put these here. Let me This is why like learn how to draw. I had drawn pat. Had that's my room so I just sit at a table and just drop it off spilling so yeah I can relate to that. I think that that's Kinda how I was Mama was like A. She showed us like hardcore. Like what you doing type Thing but in the midst of that like I think I got so caught up in like try not to be wrong for everything than I. I forgot what my own feelings were because it became like how could I not get in trouble? Not Saying I was getting in trouble all the time but it really like. It didn't take much like my mom. She was she was on it like white on rice. Like one little thing. What you you being respectful and it was like to the point where I think. I'm not sure if I'm expressing must lie. I'm not sure if if the if what I feel is going to translate. Well am I able to properly communicate my feelings to you without coming off as being disrespectful or that come off as being you know just wrong. And so a lot of times. My feelings were given to me. Don't obamacare what's your attitude you know You could go in the room with all that or you know. Don't disrespect me actually. I'm having a rough tie crab I'm already crying on the inside. You know like just that part so it's not really Really truly being given the opportunity to express myself without reprimand or without feeling a feeling like something terrible is going to come after this of course a lot of parents say you know you can talk to me but when really comes down to it can I can. I really truly express myself to not be afraid of the repercussions of this. Are you GonNa take what I'm saying you get later? Is this a safe space for me to talk and a lot of times? I didn't feel that and so I didn't share in. It took me a long time to learn how to share. I was Twenty three years old when I was in that council or was twenty four. When I went to that. Y'All I was a substance abuse counselor for three years when you had your specialized training. Yeah and I had to go. I was in the military. And they sent us to this like it's called index is School for Substance Abuse Counselors where we like go through this process of group therapy for like two months and it was. It was super intense. I was like they compared to like a mental health. Counseling Program A Master's mental health counseling program like Events because it happened so fast but you. It's like super impactful because you learn a whole lot name anyway So yes so throughout that process in the beginning because I didn't have the tools given to me as a child to know how to properly communicate. I thought that everything I said was like not right so when we got into this group the mass that I was wearing was exposed. I couldn't just be the everything's okay care. They didn't want to hear that they want here. Know what's going on with you because you're not saying anything but you need to shake united saying thing but your eyes are watering. We want to know what you're what you're going through so that you can be you know an effective counselor for someone else. In the beginning. That was really hard for me because I didn't mind so was not. Let me try to get my feelings out my mindset was I don't want to offend anybody else or what I say because for my entire life that's how I had operate. I couldn't say what I wanted to say. I had to make sure that what I said sounded good enough that I WANNA get into trouble. I could get what I wanted. You know saying you know what I mean. And that's not necessarily. My mom was ready with the broom. Stick or bell but it does say that I. I walked on eggshells a lot of tyler. Her not knowing just knowing communication isn't taught a lot of house a witness Effective communication. I think that that those are the things that shape us. You know learning how to communicate effectively as a kid. You didn't witness effective communication. I rarely witness communication and so it was very hard for me and it's still hard for me now. You want me to communicate. I don't know how to it's not that I don't want to communicate with you. I don't know how to and I get that. But it is frustrating like we are working our communication. I think we're doing way better but in the beginning especially when I was going through the whole council hours trying to fix you as I was fixing myself going online every day I had a new diagnoses. You got problems to our Omar. Don't don't do that council amiss. I Joe Patient I will hold it because I'm learning some stuff that is frustrating. I think that for us now. It gets frustrating. Because I'll get stuff out open in like have it. Conversations take three hours like I'm down for that and you're like a less table. Let me think conor person and I read a lot of times to me is is more so so. I don't say the wrong thing because I've only learn how to communicate to ways One is Dulcie not Too is you express yourself with anger. I don't want to a lot of times Get Mad at you because I don't know how to express myself and then we'll wind up and you know have an argument because now I'm frustrated and I don't want to talk to you I wonder if more people feel that like if more guys have those sorts of feelings angry brothers yeah. I know a lot of systems that light to talk late super contrast but I I hate that because it makes it you know it takes us a long time to resolve problems because it's like okay. We could already talked about this. And then you know it can get bigger than what it needs to be. So what are some ways? Because I'm always trying to look for sluice so there's no ways that you think you can improve that while I've learned how to Early in our relationship I think that was most effective communicating when I was in the music And I think I should go back to doing that. Sending me music is you know. Here's your apple music. We like you know just a little form of expression a journal a couple of weeks ago kind of gamma films out But I do think that I can Start to just tell you the little things that don't feel when I feel in them. I think I can do that. it's going to be hard internalize a lot. Yeah but I'm I'm ready to hear it because I like I get excited feelings like oh so. I'm like really afford that because it helped me. Just be able to understand you better in like give you what you need not just me trying to pull the words out of you which is what I do now. You gotta understand like I internalize so much like is like putting stuff in a box like a chest and like.