Dr Pollock, Littleton, Pain Cancer discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast

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Deal with by myself and in the wake of the columbine massacre dr pollock talk to boys who littleton colorado. Who feel how they've healed and lessons learned after surviving that trauma take a look at what a few of those boys had to say. We've witnessed an act of violence firsthand and when you see the actual effects of something like it and how devastating it is. You realize how much small things that you might think. Insignificant can really affect someone else whether you know it or not come. I could happen again because the way people treat other people or way other guys three guys. They don't really care about other people are scared about themselves. If they're feeling pain. I guess they feel someone else you feel. It has definitely made me have second thoughts about how treat others as far as being prejudiced against them. Were just prejudging them before. I know anything about their life. What they've been through. You know what kind of family your house they come from now that this happened at columbine the tragedy. I think it's easier for me to let my feelings out and tell people what i'm thinking with my feelings. I just try to hold them inside. I still do carry the survivor with me. There are a lot of times where i will be back in the school reflecting on the sequence of events and wondering what i could have done differently than saying. Why did i run. Why did i. What did i think only of myself i think just stays with you. Think most people ever forget about it. I won't forget about it. Doctor pollack says boys everywhere have been affected by what happened in columbine many fear that they too could snap really absolutely identified. Real boys voices. What i call the combine syndrome not about combine but about the rest of america. Boys are afraid of their own anger. And we're afraid of boys. What boys experience is that they're seen as predatory they're seen seniors danger and we're trying to make things safe but the way we make things safe safe school so call. Zero tolerance makes boys more of more and more likely to be violent. Why because instead of listening to them instead of connecting to them we treat them like criminals like predators like there are just about to shoot somebody and they start to feel that way themselves get scared pushed underneath because they can't talk about it and then all of a sudden they snap. What's interesting to me. Is i think now. A lot of boys. All boys all races all sizes all different cultures and communities are experiencing for the first time. What young black men have experienced for centuries you know you see a group of black man walking down the street whether you want to admit it or not. Most people feel like oh god. I don't know what's going to happen here or a group of black megan on elevator. Chris rock made a joke after the columbine shooting saying he feels the same way about white boys now and. I don't think that that's really so much of a joke. I see when you when you see a group of voice period regardless of what their race or social background. Now there there are a number of us who are sort of taken aback. You're like wondering what's going on. Let's be careful. Is something going to happen here. And why is that. It's because we've decided that it's the boys who are the problem rather than the society. That's the problem We don't realize that it's the message we're giving boys in that boy code that they have to be stoic. They have to push their feelings back that they have to succeed that they have to go after girls as a trophy and we don't realize that boys are sweet caring for people like everybody else and so we see these images of boys who hurt these images of boys who are in pain cancer trained from the big day. They're born to be tough and don't cry. Don't cry don't show your feelings. Don't be a worse or we'll make fun of you okay. I think parents need to know that that when you say to your sons in their infant stages don't cry little boys. Don't cry that that's what you're really saying is push your feelings down. And when you push them down they build and they build and they build and some boys get depressed. Some boys get isolated and some boys get violent bullying and isolation or at the core of many school shootings bullying as at an all time. High in the schools eighty one percent of students admitting to harassing their classmates. Dr politics says boys who are bullied. Hide their feelings because they fear being humiliated. Not being man enough they also fear being injured and in this day and age. They fear being even killed. This is debbie enter twelve year. Old son. david. Debbie says she had no idea or good. Nature son was hiding unbearable. Pain dear oprah my twelve year old son. David is thoughtful kind and tend to home. I had no hint that anything was wrong with him until we sat down to watch one of your recent shows you had on a girl who wrote a letter to a couple thanking them for starting a suicide prevention program that saved her life last year. I was in a terrible place. I never never seem to fit in. I had nothing to live for no one to talk to know where to turn the pan. I thought was too much to bear. I wanted to die as she read the letter. My son started crying. He said mom. I feel just like that. i'm worthless. Sometimes i wish i could just die. A had no idea he was hiding so much pain. He opened up for the first time and said the kids at school hating they. Tease me about everything. They call me. Chipmunk fatty in fact. It really makes me mad. His body shook as he cried even harder. My heart is breaking. what can i do. I'm afraid my son will suddenly snap. The pressure is too much. Please help us sincerely debby ryan. We're glad you're both here. I'm glad you saw that show. That's why why we do them. So you had no idea no clues no as of late. Let's put it that way. I i can see in his body language in just the way he would go in his room and close the door. Something was going on. And i say honey. You know what's going on. Oh nothing nothing. i'm fine mom. Yeah more of this episode after short. Break if you're feeling depressed or struggling with uncertainty or having difficulty sleeping. Better health offers experienced therapists. Who can listen and help. Better helps us your needs and match you with your own. Licensed professional and you can start communicating under forty eight hours. It's not a crisis line. it's not self help. It is counseling done. Securely online there is a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas and service even available for clients worldwide. You'll get timely and thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions so you won't ever have to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room better. Help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to change counselors if needed. It's more affordable than traditional offline. Counseling and financial aid is available in fact so many people have been using better help that they are recruiting additional counselors in all fifty states. The oprah winfrey show. The podcast is sponsored by better help online therapy and our listeners. Get ten percent off their first month at better. Help dot com slash oprah. That's better h. E. l. p. dot com slash oprah get matched with.

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