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How to Feel Your Pandemic Feels

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Basically been living in the upside down where one global pandemic and to home is where the everything is allegedly essential jobs gyms daycare centers doctors offices. Your neighborhood B. Y. O. Beaver like they've all moved home. Yeah covert has really put a fresh spin on the idea of having it all kristen which is why. We're starting this season of unladylike with one of the most loaded questions you can ask someone these days. How are you doing? Yeah I mean I think we can all agree with the unladylike listener at the top of the show that it is not ideal. This is a super emotional. Time for folks on so many levels and a lot of us are experiencing just different shades of grief over lost loved ones lost jobs or simply just like a loss baseline peace of mind and kristen as of this recording. You and I haven't had close friends or family members who've gotten sick from Cova but the pandemic has definitely changed our plans for twenty twenty like by this time we would have already been back from an East Coast tour where we were supposed to meet one of our favorite humans face to face for the very first time. Yeah our first tour stop was going to be in. Chicago home to Tyler. Fetter the amazing artists who illustrated are unladylike book and we decided that we still needed to call up tyler anyway for this episode to find out how she's doing so tyler just published a book of her own and it honestly couldn't come at a better time for those grappling with a lot of loss right now dancing. The pity party is a graphic memoir. Which is like a graphic novel. But it's a true story. It's not like a regular memoir with a lot of graphic injury in. It feels weird every time I say Anyway it's about my mom dying of cancer when I was nineteen and it's like the whole Enchilada from Lake. She first felt symptoms diagnosis than when she died on the funeral. And everything and then learning to like be an adult without a living on and it's not one hundred percent sad. A lot of it is sad. But it's not only it's not like the no folk or something. This unladylike episode isn't one hundred percent sad. Ever Tyler says that creating dancing at the pity party was essential for her processing her. Mom's death and also being able to make art through that and we think that hearing from someone who's really been through it and come out the other side of grief can hopefully offer some perspective and comfort listeners. Right now and speaking of listeners. Kristen after we hear from Tyler we're going to hear from an ladies who've left us voice memos and called in to share. How cove is impacting. Their day to day lives. Then we're closing it out with a much-needed zoom trip to our favorite unladylike therapist Dr Joy Harden Bradford Christian one of the things I love the most about tyler is her way of embracing the absurdity and awkwardness in the awful. Like the time she and her two sisters had to make a very weird trip to the mall. We went shopping for like funeral. Close at Forever. Twenty one and it was like blasting like club music there and a cashier said to me in sister. Or are you looking for anything special? And we're like no that's just like keep going through all the colorful clothes trying to find anything. That was all black flash forward to this spring when tyler was supposed to be out and about for her dancing at the pity party book tour. And let's just say she hasn't needed to shop for any new outfits this time around. What is it been like to have your book come out during a pandemic? I mean not at all what. I was expecting this book. But it's kind of been nice. I mean it's such a personal story and it's about a time of like illness and death which is what's happening in the world right now so I don't know the fact that everyone is like stuck at home which is sort of the way I am even not when it's a pandemic feels like almost appropriate. It's like I don't know if it were like an adventure or something like an action book. Maybe it would be different. But it's this like emotional. Like family thing in everyone is emotional and stuck with their families. So a lot of people are experiencing grief right now. You know whether that's because family member passed or like just because life is so upside down but grief is never just like one thing and it's not static so I'm curious like how has grief evolved for you and what have you learned about it. Especially now that you've written a whole book about your mom. I think grief is something. That's really personal. And it's really different for every person who goes through it and it's something where you can't really predict how it's going to affect you so like when my mom I died. My Dad was just crying and public all the try and was kind of embarrassing the and but now I'm like you know what like it's fine. People can deal with seeing someone showing motion and like that's what he needed a now. He's doing way better and with me. I like got really sentimental in capped a ton of my mom's staff and I found myself being angry a lot at lake people who had complained about their moms where it's like. Oh my mom calls me too much. I just WANNA like punch face and I would never say any of that. I just feel like Oh yeah. That sucks but yeah. It's just everyone's different and it's still very much a part of my life. That's like another thing I've learned. It's not GonNa go away and I'm okay with that I mean so it's been eleven years now since my mom died and most of the time. I'm totally fine. It's just like something I know about myself is that I have a dad. Muhammad's like a quality of who I am but sometimes I'll just like have a whole like breakdown from like watching a movie or something really small and it's just like something I have to deal with just like any other part of my mental health has the like the current environment. The way things are like has this moment stirred up any additional emotions for you around the book or like around grief. I'm like not a particularly like touchy feely physically kind of person but I have just been wanting hugs so badly during the pandemic and I live by myself with a cat who does not like hugs but he has to deal with that. Because I'm going to give them anyway. But there is there's something relatable about the uncertainty and all of this and that was something that was really hard about my mom. Being sick is that we were sort of like itching for any kind of like positive like theories or possibilities that we could find so it sort of feels like. That's what we're doing now. It's like Oh could serve pandemic end by fall like. Are we going to be able to do Halloween? Like normal and that is like kind of how it was with my mom. I I used to think like a. Will she be able to see me graduate from College? Like do you think what's going to happen. And that uncertainty is really hard to sit with and I think we all have to do it now which is tough. What is your advice to listeners? Who want to support friends or loved ones who are experiencing grief but might not know the best way to express it and we don't want to be awkward and we don't want to bring it up because we make things uncomfortable but we also want people to know that we care. What as as someone who has gone through it. What's your advice for for folks? Who want help from the outside. I think something that's always nice is bringing up the person's parent or whatever loved one in a way that's like unrelated to their death or like if your friend mentions they're like dad or whoever to ask questions and be like. Oh Yeah what was he like? Or whatever because it's it's such like bomb to get to just talk about her when I'm sad talk about not sad stuff. I also found one of my cousins said to me after my mom died. Like I can't imagine what you're going through. And that was like my favorite thing that I knew on had said 'cause like he couldn't imagine it and he was like acknowledging that and it just made it easier to talk to him about it just like it really like validated. How I was

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