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So your mom's graduated from Applied Applied Theatre Grad School. They got their M. as they moved to La and they got engaged to be married. And so- Julia came to visit me and in Nicolette lead and October two thousand fourteen and at breakfast during the final morning of her trip. Julia asked me if I would consider being the known sperm donor. If and when she ian sage wanted to start a family. Oh my wow oof lots lots of things flooded into my mind. In that moment I was so flattered. This is I mean truly profound come on. Hey you're very handsome and sweet. Can I have your number so I can call you and use your genetic material to create a loving family. I think you're so fundamentally great that we WANNA make a being thing that resembles you that's amazing that is so sweet so uplifting and validating I was so I'm touched but I was also so frightened. Would I be responsible for this child forever. What I want to take responsibility ability for this child? How would I deal with my inevitable complicated overwhelming feelings? And what did it mean for my own family plans. How would my sweetie Nicolette? Colette feel about it. How would she be affected? What would my parents think? Would I be able to handle the way that my life would profoundly shift. So he said I think about it. Ten months past sage and Julia got married. August Twenty Ninth Twenty fifteen eighteen Nicolette and I were invited to be the bud honey at their wedding These are the folks who are responsible for rejoicing the bride and bride according according to ancient Jewish tradition we were the goofy master and mistress of ceremonies during the wedding meal inviting family and friends to come forward and entertain tain the bride's. It was a most beautiful wedding and we danced our butts off And I think it was at the wedding really wants bearing witness to the love of sage Julia amongst their community. Their family both blood and chosen that. I decided without a doubt that I was. Who's going to give your mom's my sperm cut to boxing day December Twenty Fifteen Nicolette and I drive to alight from mm Sandiego? We're where we are visiting family and friends say Julia Nicolette and I have a big lunch and talk about sperm donation. Logistics and feelings. The moms have been doing a lot of research on the legal implications of creating queer family as well as the necessary choreography of an at home insemination nation. I learn a lot and I talk about my feelings and and talk about maybe the kind of communication I would be hoping for and just sort of get everyone. Ready for the deluge of feelings. That are definitely going to come after lunch. I meet up with my friend Max. You can hear him in. Episode Nineteen of course zone with Ben Weber and who at the time is living at Sydney Australia but is in town visiting his family. Nicholas ex is in town so so she meets up with him. Max and I hike around the griffiths observatory and really bro out. We've big big talks about family and love and Star Wars. The Force Awakens we land at the Dresden Room and have a spirited conversation has always about politics in the evening. We all meet up with our friend Rami. WHO's an episode? Twenty seven of cozy with Ben Weber at a Los feeless Mexican restaurant. I am brimming with joy being altogether together with this incredible chosen family over the next few months. Your Mom's and I put together a loving kindness contract a document that states aren't tensions. Both state sanctioned. Sage and Julia will be your legal parents. I will not and emotional. Your Mom's think I'm great. I think your mom's great. Here's a little excerpt from our our contract. Sage and Julia who are married have asked Ben Weber to be a known donor owner as they attempt to start a family. The couple met Ben in Graduate School in Twenty Ten and the three have been good friends ever since sage and Julius and Ben a kind heart a creative thinker and a fierce ally in his relationship with his partner Nicolette. Ben has demonstrated an ability to communicate with respect expect and generosity and to work through challenging emotions with loving kindness Benz humor integrity and artistic spirit. Or just some of the reasons that at sage and Julia care for him and have asked him to be part of this process. Ben has agreed to assist sage and Julia because he deeply loves and respects them as individuals. And they're loving partnership both sage and Julia possessed the ideal qualities of loving nurturing and overall oh exemplary parents. Sage is deeply attuned to the physical emotional and spiritual wellbeing of everyone in her path she. She is grounded graceful generous and strong bringing light and love to anywhere she is present. Julia possesses does an exquisite mind and formidable courage. She encounters life's challenges with wisdom and grace and bundles up her loved ones with her. Bright Heart in their partnership. Ben has observed the ways in which they cultivate the best in each other they build bond based on love and support fueled by beauty laughter community and hope for a better world. There's no doubt in Ben's mind that sage Julia would make exceptional parents. He will proudly take part of the process to bring life into the world under their parental care in preparation. I got a thorough doctor's doctor's examination STI tests and worked on keeping my body free of intoxicants. All right. We're we're at may twenty sixteen A week before I'm to fly away. I see Mike Elbows one man show sperm hood at Dixon Place. Mike is a Brooklyn based writer and performer. WHO shares his story of being a sperm donor to his dear lesbian friends? A few things struck me about the performance. Mike takes us into his deep emotional world throughout the whole process unleashing insights about doubts and insecurities about love and romance and relationships in his own life life next. His process took a very long time. He would go to the fertility clinic month after month for years without success only until the team took a relaxing trip. Upstate without the clinical setting up a clinic did the pregnancy happen was was so moved by seeing this story dramatized before my eyes and left feeling glycine and relieved but also bracing myself for a very a long process filled with complicated emotions. Okay May Twentieth Twenty Sixteen Insemination Emma Nation weekend comes right before I get in my cab and head to the airport. nicolette sweetly poses for some pictures to inspire the whole process us. They are awesome beloved artifact from your origin story. MIRA as I'm sitting on the plane I realize I'm not exactly sure how the insemination is going to go as you will learn someday not too soon there are nearly infinite ways to get sperm into position to meet eat an egg. Would your mom's be looking for a direct deposit as depicted in the spike Lee film. She hates me. Probably not but anything is possible. Where would would I be? Where would they be? I been abstaining from making any deposits for the last seventy two hours so my generally busy mind is is a touch more graphic than usual as soon as I arrived in. La Your Mom's gave me my very clear briefing my battle station. The bathroom might target that Cute Little Mason Jar. Lovingly sterilize in boiling water on the stove might equipment My macbook air and a generous helping of coconut oil just to keep everything smooth breath. After I had hit the target I was to knock on the bedroom door where it would be intercepted by Julia. Who would then deliver the payload to sage age using a feeding syringe at this point or at rather at that point? I was to leave the premises as quickly as possible. So that your mom's could engage in some special grownup magic. Once semination had occurred. I would then make my way back to your mom's house and story a very clear procedure excellent boundaries boundaries. I was ready to dance so we eat a delicious meal at home. We watch bring it on which is weird. cheerleading movie and Go to bed the next day we go to the neighborhood credit union to get our loving kindness contract and our California statutory forms for assisted. Reproduction notarized notarized we sit down with kind notary public who nearly turns US away because we're not all credit union members. And what exactly are you looking to get notarized today we we give her our best blushing cute queer family maker faces and slide the forms in front of her and give her some insistent eyebrows. I see let me see what I can do. She says our hero notary notarize documents. Hurry we stopped at a CVS to pick up our little feeding syringe enj- that would be our key insemination tool we cool our heels at Barnes. Dale are park. A beautiful greenspace on a los villas hilltop framed by airy classical structures. I does a little reckon with the chatter in my mind. The little and sit quietly Komo your mom's do some reading then it's go time. We get back to the house. Light some candles and put on some vinyl stevie wonder's his original music query him insemination session. Number one goes swimmingly. I make my deposit handed off to Julia. I screwed out of the House. I head to the Los Villas Branch library and do some podcast. Editing episode forty-seven Spencer Lot in. What feels like no time at all the MOMS James Comey back? We go to the getty to see Robert Mapplethorpe the perfect medium the flowers and the nudes and the extreme in bondage. It was the perfect pairing to our day. We drive to Venice to have tacos Margaritas. The next day Sunday I get the the day off. Hang out with my friend. Rami we get a delicious delicious lunch at Mess Hall and go on a gorgeous hike Monday morning as time. I'm for another insemination session. I hit my target. Make the hand off and scurry out of the House. This time I had to a cute little cafe called alcove again. I've brought on my podcasting stuff with me because I I'm finding that staying busy with creative work soothes me. Alcove doesn't have WIFI. So of course. I I feel a bit trapped so I venture to another to hip cafe brew Coffee Bar in and try to think about something other than the possibility of my little swimmers. Creating another human being that will have a life and consciousness and emotions will feel pain and joy.