Ted Talk, Elyse Hugh, Ruchi Sinha discussed on TED Talks Daily

TED Talks Daily
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Automatic TRANSCRIPT

It's TED Talk daily. I'm Elyse Hugh. Negotiations. Ugh. They stress me out. But they don't have to be contentious, says organizational psychologist ruchi Sinha. In her talk from our video series the way we work, she reminds us that we negotiate regularly in our daily lives, and she offers some great tips for the next time we go into a negotiation at work. Support for PRX comes from WGL energy's public sector department, providing natural gas, electricity, and renewable energy solutions for cities state and federal agencies. Meet your agency sustainability mission at WGL energy dot com slash public sector. Now what's next, a podcast from Morgan Stanley helps make sense of life during and after the pandemic. With nearly two decades of experience reporting on culture and the economy, hosts inari glinton meets people who are looking for solutions to the cracks exposed by the pandemic. From how we care for our children and the elderly to what we do with shopping malls, these are stories of everyday people trying to figure things out and where they're finding hope. Search for now what's next wherever you listen to podcasts. When we think about negotiations, we think about being tough, we're charging like it's a battle. Brandishing our influence and our power moves. But a negotiation doesn't have to be a fight. And loses. Think of it more like a dance. Two or more people moving fluidly in sync. We constantly negotiated with. We negotiate for higher pay, promotions, vacations, and even greater autonomy. In fact, every day, we negotiate just to get our job done. And to secure resources for ourselves and our teams. And yet, when we go in with the wrong mindset with our fists up ready to fight, we aren't as successful. You know why? Because negotiation is not about dominating. It's about crafting a relationship and relationships thrive. When we find ways to give and to take and move together in unison, and to do that, you have to be well prepared. First, do your research. Figure out whether what you're asking for is realistic. What is your aspiration? What do you want? And what will make you walk away from the table? This might seem obvious, but too many people don't think it through. Let's say you negotiating for a salary in a new job. Some people, they determine their ask based on their past salary. That isn't a good yard stick. You may end up asking for too much or too little. Instead, find out the range of what is possible. Look at industry reports, websites. Talk to people in your professional network to find out the lowest average and the highest salary for a similar role and then make your ass closer to that upper limit. Build a solid rationale for why you are above average and thus deserving of that ask. Let's say you're negotiating for something less black and white, like the ability to work from home to care for an aging parent, you need to study your company's policies on remote work. Ask yourself when and why were these policies developed in the first place? Doctor trusted mentors. To understand how working from home might affect issues that aren't on your radar and think about how changing to working from home might actually affect others in your team. In fact, make a table, summarizing the parts of your job that can be done remotely, and the parts that require face to face interaction. This may sound like a lot to do, but when the person you negotiating with sees that you've done all this homework, you're more likely to get that yes. It also helps you avoid being lied to, while building the person's respect. Second, prepare mentally for the negotiation. Asking for things can get emotional. They're real and complex feeling at play. Fear, anxiety, anger, even hurt. It's essential to have strategies in place to manage those feelings. One strategy is to adopt a mindset of defensive pessimism. That just means that you accept obstacles and failures are likely in a negotiation. So it's better to put your energy in imagining the ways to overcome those obstacles. That way, you're ready to respond when you face it. Another strategy is emotional distancing. That is the idea of being less attached to any specific outcome. I know it's easier said than done. We all feel emotions like anger and hurt. When a core identities are being threatened. When your manager may be challenging a truth that you hold dear about yourself, like you're a hard worker and you deserve this. Try and avoid thinking of negotiations as the ultimate test of your worth. Go in knowing that your requests might be met that it might be denied. And that none of this is a measure of your wealth. Also know that if you feel yourself getting upset, hurt during a negotiation, it's okay to step back. You can leave the dance floor and move up to the balcony. Just say, let me think about this a little more. Could we press balls and continue this tomorrow? The third and the final way you can prepare for negotiations is by putting yourself in the other person's shoes, taking the time to anticipate the other's needs and challenges. What pressures May they be under? What risks would they be taking? Do they even have the power to give you what you're asking for? What ripple effects might yes mean. When you make that request, look to balance assertiveness about your own needs with a concern for the other. As you lay out your case, use phrases like I'm asking for this because I know it's good for my team that I want to achieve X and Y goals and I know this is what will enable it. Arguments like that show that you are ambitious, you know what you want, but you're also care for others. So many of our negotiation missteps, they don't actually come from disagreements, but misunderstanding the other person. So it's important to listen well. To ask why? And why not? And you will surely find unexpected opportunities for win win solutions..

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