Is the ramsey call of the day part of the ramsey network joining me. Today is ramsey. Dr john baloney folk is with us in midland. Texas i hope how are you. Hi how are you guys doing today. Better than we deserve. what's up. Well first off. I just want to say what a pleasure it was to see both of you at summit this year in dallas. That was very enjoyable. Thank thank you thank you for coming. It was a great event. We had a lot of fun. It was great My question today actually Just a background My husband and i together started our own business. Thirteen years ago and It's just over the last four or five years. it's gone downhill. He and i have a lot of issues with communicating Almost to the extent of not communicating at all but it is affecting our business A great deal. Because he and i are not on the same page as far as strategy how to how to go about the operation of the business and get going so i guess my question is What kind of advice. You might would have Relationship as well as just keeping our business afloat and moving it forward when we're not on the same page at all. How's your marriage Suffering because of it is it a chicken or the egg is they self-reinforcing one another. I guess is tough at home. They become tough in the office and they become tougher at home and faster and faster. Have you guys stepped away from everything. Gone over to dallas for a weekend is to say. Hey what in. The world's going on or is this thing just started spinning so fast and all of a sudden you look up and it's a year later. You're not talking anymore Just kind of spun and then in yeah like you said two or three years later now. Things are just so totally out of control and we were talking to. There's a problem to. oh yes. Okay yes yeah. This is one of those moments that can it can be a really important. It's going to be an important moment either way but it can be Something not to be feared it can be a beautiful moment when was redefining rebuilding excavation start over rebuilding moments. But it's got to have to happen. Somebody's gotta turn the lights off. I mean turn the lights on. Turn the music off. Take inventory of the party you've been having and saying. Hey where are we. What's going on and I love it when couples can look each other in the eye and say hey we need to do this and had this moment this we need to take a post mortem on what's happened and decide where we're gonna go but somebody's gotta just say stop for a second you guys need you guys needed a good marriage counselor in your corner to start with and just the business will not heal until your marriage us right we. We have done marriage counseling literally a little about a year and a half ago And didn't do it. Well apparently not. Why did they go. Why didn't it go well He kinda just checks outs We've even done business. Coaching and You know i'm saying two different counselors business coach Literally fired us a year and a half ago or two years ago because he wouldn't participate We were in coaching for fifteen months and he just wouldn't do his part of a t. Woods wouldn't schedule for our our weekly sessions things like that. He just wouldn't he checks out and not doesn't even give a reason just checks out and doesn't do it And it was kind of the same way in our marriage counseling. I mean he attended 'cause we went together but he would just kind of clam up and and nothing really was being said from his his point and he did tell me he didn't like the the counselor the marriage counselor that he didn't like he didn't trust him or something and It just didn't go anywhere and literally since that time. We've just kinda quit talking literally so your your your relationship If you stop and step out of it for a minute it's unlike support. Yes And i would say you're you're in an emergency status and it sounds like you've got a guy that's that is unable to say. Hey i'm done with this thing is unable doesn't end. I don't blame. You don't have the tools or as a coward or whatever you want to say. But he's unable to say. I'm through with this thing and he's going to slowly suffocate. It and somebody's got to turn all the lights on in that house and send the kids away for a weekend and say we've got a gotta take an inventory because what he's communicating to you is. He is finished and he doesn't have the courage to say he's done or he scared of you or he doesn't want to be in this business anymore. He doesn't know how to say it out loud. Somehow he is slowly pulled this thing underwater counseling. We call it the one down position. But he's drowned in the house slowly but surely and Usually the your your role in this is to try to keep yanking as hard as you can the other direction and it just creates this tension that ends up sinking the boat anyway. So you've got to just stop. Stop the music and say are you done with this marriage. I'm not going to continue to participate in crazy the way it exists. No i'm going to say we're going to do something different now. Do you want to work on this. And he'll it. If you do that involve hugh finding a counselor that you trust that. We can sit down with that. You're willing to open up in front of and to get stuff fixed otherwise it's just gonna continue to deteriorate. This is not working. You know continuing to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result Saying you know if you're seeking outside it direction and you're not taking direction from outside. That's him there. There has to be a reason. Yeah i and You know. I can buy i. I've sat down with people that i didn't trust and i'm not gonna open up in front of them absolutely not doing that. I can buy that as a reason but the the answer is not nothing. Then the answer is go. Find a different counselor right. So he's communicating to you. If you won't find another counselor that is a. That's a communication to you that i'm done with this or he's just doesn't have the tools to to work this through whatever it is but yeah you gotta have somebody in your corner at least guiding you through these tough discussions that you have got to have immediately. The business is not got a chance. Now until the marriage ups. Thanks for tuning into the ramsey call of the day. Check out all of our podcast. Just search ramsey network on apple podcasts. Spotify or wherever you listen..