Barry Schwartz, John Cabot Zinze, John discussed on Psychologists Off The Clock

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I'm the master. You must do as i say you know. Don't run your home like a prison where you're the prison guard. You want to run it like an open concept we learn from each other. It brings me back to conversation. I had with another giant in the field of psychology. Barry schwartz handwritten. This book called practical wisdom and he said the same thing that you know. Parenting is the biggest place where you can really gain wisdom because you're your children not you and the differences between multiple children will teach you that you don't just figure it out after parenting once. No no and it's like john cabot zinze most recent book. He's our mindfulness guru. Who brought a mindfulness meditation. And the art of mindfulness the secular aspects of it in from tibetan buddhism and many years ago i had worked with john and when john was first developing his full catastrophe living in as other approaches to mindfulness and his most recent book is unmindful parenting. And it's very good. And so there's a new book by dr baron who also is On mindful parenting. And they all deal with the point that you just made. How open are you to learning from this child and readjusting yourself to have a better parent. Child fit as sandra scar called it back in the eighties. When she was president of the child development society the parent child. Goodness of fit is crucial and were responsible for that. Not the child were the ones who are the adults here. Show realign yourself with the uniqueness of this child and it can be a much better experience and you have much closer relationship with them Then if you try to sand off the rough edges of these children to fit within this mold that you have of perfectionist children which are not gonna get so right. it's it's like alison gothic book. The carpenter versus the gardner. And you just standing off. But we it's more useful to think of yourself as a gardener you're given evolve and you have to figure out what does that boko made. Pasta hundred pension shepherd metaphor. I wish i the gardener. But i'm teaching after about fifteen years now royal. Yeah lots and lots of metaphors to get these ideas. Hard to grasp in a moment especially as you're experiencing it indeed so i hope that that That that works for families but any of these will do and what we suggest is openness to your child and realizing the the importance of your role of shepherd. You're not an engineer. You don't get to redesign us. But shepherds are extremely important for protection for nurturing for health for safety and for stimulating providing great pastures which our children can grow..

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