Listen: Aaron, Erin, Marie Osmond discussed on Power Principles Podcast with Maleah Warner
"Today is episode thirty. We are continuing with chapter eight of lies of the Magpie. Only a couple of chapters left to finish part one so we will finish part one of lies is of the Magpie for our summer series and then I am still working on what to do with powerpoint so the polls the podcast and continuing lies of the Magpie for the fall falso. I will keep you posted for today here. It is lies of the Magpie Chapter Eight last night. When I packed my suitcase I opened my linen closet to find my bag of travel sized items which I keep in a plastic storage bin on the bottom shelf. I pulled out the BIN and saw dead. SPIDERS spiders along the baseboards and picture came to mind of me lying huddled and shaking completely oblivious to dead or life spiders. I might be touching a wave of shame made me tremble and I retrieved the bag. Close the LID and stuff to the container back in the closet as fast as possible. I rarely think about the closet incident but every now and and then something will trigger the memory and I'm washed with humiliation. Was that really me did I really lock my children in their bedrooms and hide in the bottom of a linen closet sometimes when the image intrusion invited. I think maybe it wasn't me. Maybe it was a strange dream or something. I'd read in a book about a different woman than somehow. My subconscious just had crossed reality with fiction. I don't think that was the case I remember details like the fill of the carpet against my freezing torso to explicitly for it to have have been a dream but when you're the only person who knows a secret the mind can play strange tricks without secret crossing the memory between dream and reality Erin. I have have grown closer over the past four years but he doesn't know about the closet. I don't WanNA freak him out nor have I ever told him about driving away from home in the middle of the night planning to change my identity and and start a new life in Vegas nobody can ever no not Erin not my sister definitely not my mother if somebody found out what they call me crazy and take my my children away when Kate was about eighteen months old. I Heard Marie Osmond given interview talking about her experience with postpartum depression one night. I got in in the car and started to drive. She said I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do. All I knew was that I was unfit to be a mother and that everyone my kids my husband even the Osmond and family would be better off without me. My eyes were wide and focused on the TV screen. I took an every word her son was almost the exact age is Danny. Johny I'd always build a tiny connection to Marie. Osmond were both Mormon and we both have a lot of brothers and now she was telling me that we both got in our cars cars and drove away from our babies. She travelling north on the Pacific Coast highway me traveling northwest towards Las Vegas. This was the first time time I'd ever heard the term postpartum depression. I checked out her book from the library. I related to almost all of her feelings though nothing in her life. I'm not a child actress a child star. I didn't have a publicist talent coaches a TV show watched by millions of adoring fans or a number one song at age thirteen. She had a calendar overloaded with public appearances people demanding to see her hear her at the end of the interview. The audience applauded for her. She was hailed as brave courageous for sharing her story for talking talking about a taboo subject she'd had postpartum. Depression and audiences applauded her for it. I don't know if I had postpartum depression. I do know that nobody applauded. Nobody even knew I closed her book and looked around my house. I was no Marie Osmond all the attention demands of notoriety. We're a burden for her. My burden was that nobody noticed me. Nothing I did was admirable or worthy of attention. Nobody would ask me for an interview so tell us it's about the fascinating system. You've developed changing diapers at the same time I wasn't offering anything intelligent new or noteworthy to the world ninety percent of everything thing I did in a day would be undone by five pm ninety percent of what made me exhausted to the core was never noticed. Never acknowledged never appreciated motherhood is turning out to be every bit the dry barren landscape. I'm traveling. I feel stranded in the desert exhausted thirsty crawling begging begging for one liquid drop of admiration the Mirage of and abandoned Torres off the side of the road again appears in my mind I see the vultures circling lean around the corpse of the woman her baby the coyotes scanning the perimeter and this time something in the Mirage catches my attention. It's the car the Rusty car dr I can tell it was once a gold Ford Taurus but why is it rusty. How long has it been sitting there. Abandoned in the desert wasn't anyone and missing the woman. Didn't anyone realized she was missing. If I'm on the wrong road and I end up lost in the black canyons of New Mexico. How long will it take anyone to realize that I'm gone in June two thousand one six months after moving into our new. White House Aaron traveled to New York for business meetings. When I developed the role of film he took he showed me me the Pictures Times Square Wall Street Broadway. Everything was so clean. He said it was a completely different city. He'd been to New York once before on tour after high school graduation education in Nineteen ninety-three when New York was notorious for filthy and dangerous streets. You didn't walk out at night over the past seven years. New York had done a complete turnaround around. I can't wait to go back and told me in September. I just got word of another training in the World Trade Center. I'll let you know the dates for certain when I get them on on Monday. September tenth we celebrated niece's birthday. I invited her family to come over for dinner and birthday cake after dinner we all circled around the phone and called Kevin Happy Birthday Dear Kevin we all sing today was also. Kevin's birthday every year of my life September tenth meant celebrating two of my siblings birthdays days with one cake. Kevin Niece would sit on opposite sides of the table and blow out candles on their shared cake. We crammed both their names into the birthday song happy birthday dear Kevin Enemies. My mother tells their story the day Kevin was born the nurse who helped deliver in announced that it was a boy said come back in two years and you'll get your girl what would possess a nurse to make that risk prediction. I duNNo. I suppose she had a fifty fifty chance of being right. Maybe it was as a side comment. She didn't even realize she was saying. Maybe she was overcome. By spirit of destiny maybe some other worldly powers were sending a message through her too my mother whatever never the case she surely couldn't have predicted that two years later to the day my mother would return to deliver her girl and yes. The same nurse was there for a nieces is delivery as well. It was passed Ashley School Bedtime when we finally stopped talking and laughing and hug them goodbye Aaron. I put Danny Kaye to bed cleaned up the kitchen and put ourselves selves to bed. It was a night like hundreds of other nights on Tuesday morning. The phone woke US early. You're joking. I heard Aaron say into the mouthpiece apiece we turned on the TV and watch the news together for thirty minutes possible active tear. The News reporter was saying the scene of smoke billowing out of the towers played in the background ground cameras panned to seize of people exiting the buildings and firefighters working their way inside Aaron through close without taking a shower and rushed to the office he he called after the first tower fell. Did you see that his voice was full of disbelief. Yes I'm watching. There was a long pause neither of us. It's new to say there. were no words Erin. I I know he hung up. I let the phone sink to my shoulder but I didn't let go then the second tower fell. Danny handed me his SIPPY Cup mode. Wink mom with robotic movements took the cup and walk to the fridge with the phone in one hand. Diane screwed the LID and held the Cup under the Ice Dispenser while I stared at the white magnet with green lettering the magnet read name Aaron Warner during my trip I can be reached at the New York Media World Trade Center phone number one two one two five one three six seven nine eight whenever Aaron untravelled Goodwin financial sent me a magnet with his contact information. This was a few years before everyone from Indiana to Indonesia owned. A cell phone and landlines were still essential. Oh the magnet even listed a fax number. Erin had been scheduled to attend meetings at the World Trade Center on September eleventh until something corporate office came up in the trainings earnings were pushed back to the following week. He had his airline tickets next Tuesday. He was supposed to fly to New York and stay in a hotel. That has a few minutes ago. No longer existed cystic. He was scheduled to have meetings on the third floor in a building that I had watched collapse in on itself floor upon floor until it disappeared into a cloud of dust and debris debris. Danny pulled on the pant leg of my pajamas drink mom. I handed him the Cup with the phone still in my hand. I dialed the phone. Number are listed on the magnet. Why I had to know I had to go through the possible scenarios if Aaron's trip hadn't been changed if he was there right now well. The first thing I would do is dial the phone number. I got a busy signal. Aaron called again later. The stock market is closed. It could be closed for six months. Nobody knows after the first and second day. The news coverage changed to bio stories about missing persons. Katie couric narrated what the Personna Nadan that morning before going to work while the family showed photographs if errand had been there. Would he be missing or would he have gotten out. His Dad was a volunteer firefighter. Erin grew up with a police scanner in his home. His family followed every town emergency at night in bed. When we heard a siren I had to put at my arm over errand to hold him in bed. Most of the time it didn't work knowing Aaron he would have been in the building getting people out. We didn't celebrate celebrate. Kate's birthday that week with so many people searching desperately for their family members. No one in the country felt like celebrating anything. Everyone just wanted to travel to ground zero ro and help search through the rubble. Kate was young enough not to notice for weeks. I couldn't sleep with the stock market closed.."