Nikki Kaye, Befuddle, Chris Keppler discussed on Does This Happen to You
Might i'm chris keppler and welcome to disease happen to you. Oh i'm an actor voice actor audiobook narrator and writer. I love tilling and sharing stories about the strange experiences. My friends and i have well well doing mundane things like grocery shopping. That's why this podcast features funny stories from fantastic writers about our daily anomalies a micro audio book about life in befuddle men just for you our story. This week is from nikki kaye. Who you'll find on medium dot com tom and here is i accidentally got drunk at the doctor's office. It only hit me as i was driving home. I was sixteen eighteen years old. I had my own car a little boxy nineteen eighty five four door. I'd bought from cousin for two hundred and fifty bucks. It had a c._d. C._d. player installed in the daesh. A pack of cigarettes tucked into the sun visor and a checkbook and the glove box. I had a pocketful of waitressing money not a pager with half a dozen interchangeable cases and a boyfriend who is teaching me spanish. I was headed to college soon. Life was mostly going my way. It didn't feel so great. Though when i was doubled over from the stabbing pain in my abdomen it had been going on intermittently unpredictably for months and i tried everything i take in psych meds and aunt acids. I'd had an upper endoscopy and a gastric emptying study. Nothing seemed to be the problem. The doctor suspected maybe had some mild reflux but in order to confirm. I needed to undergo something. He called a ph probe study. It sounded innocent enough. A probe was sent up the nose and swallow down the esophagus. It sat there for a day monitoring the area just above the stomach opening to see if acid was backing up through the spink muscle and then the next day it was removed and the results were analyzed sign me up. I said i was desperate for some answers. When i arrived at the doctor's office on on the morning of the appointment my mother was already sitting in the waiting room. It was seven o'clock and the place was deserted. There were no other patients. No receptionist not even any doctors. My mom needed to sign the consent for me but she needed to be at work early. So we'd both driven our own cars and mom would go to work work while i drove back home no big deal. The nurse introduced herself with a smile nothing to eat or drink after midnight. She asked me. I nodded it. Okay very good. She said and handed my mother and me. Each clipboard clipped onto mine was a four page intake form while moms uh-huh had a simple one line consent form essentially a permission slip for the simple procedure that was to follow she signed and then hugged me goodbye. I leaving me to fill out the rest of the redundant and exhausting forms. There should really be a computer system for this. I thought trying to keep my eyes from glazing glazing over when the nurse took me into the room. She first asked me to drink the contents of small plastic cup. This is the same stuff that the dentist gives you to number mouth before giving you a feeling she explained novacaine. I ask light o'kane. Actually she corrected directed in your throat. So it's more comfortable. I nodded and then shrugged knocking back the foul tasting liquid after a few minutes the nurses i was ready to begin. She answered the probe up through my nose and i could feel it sliding backwards and then curving around down the back of my throat. She gave me a glass of water water and asked me to drink it as she maneuvered the probe into position. The swallowing helps it go down. She said i thought i was doing doing well until appropriate. Just the right spot and hurt the lighter. Cain water came right back up all over that sweet nurses lap. Maybe some more or light cane i offered and maybe we'll just keep the trash can close by. She responded with a tight smile. We tried twice more each time after a gulp of light arcane and a five minute wait each time the probe got to my epa gladys and my gag reflex like said new thanks eventually we threw in the towel the figurative one and also the little one the nurse had given me to cover my lap. I left disappointed but not much worse for the wear. She'd had it worse than i had for sure. I buckled into my twelve year old car and pulled out of the a parking lot. The office was in the city and it was rush hour. I wasn't used to driving on the highway especially this far south but i was a good and conscientious consciencious young driver and i wasn't worried i turn my head over my left shoulder merge onto the highway and caught a glimpse of a seventy mile per hour tractor trailer coming coming towards me. Just before everything went black. I swung my head back ford and blinked nothing. I took my foot off the gas hoping to actually i don't know what i hope to accomplish not to get hit by a tractor trailer going seventy miles per hour guess i- angled the car to what i judged to be a safe line as my vision gradually came back and somehow i safely merged behind the big truck my fingernails dug into my poems homes around the steering wheel. I took a few depress trying to figure out what to do next. My eyesight cleared mercifully but all it revealed was a sea of cars all traveling nearly bumper to bumper at highway speeds. There was no shoulder pull onto. I had no way to call for help. Nope even if i did pull over fat lot of good my pager did me with all its translucent colors with the infinite wisdom of a sixteen year old. I decided i needed to just stay the course and refrain from making any sudden moves it was still a long drive home and i stayed in the right lane cruising cruising along just at the speed limit using all my strength to hold my eyes opened. Keep my eyes straight ahead. I took note of the exit signs as they came up up each and indicator that i was getting closer to home without catastrophe. It was these curious white on green signs which gave me yet another another indication that though i was still conscious i was most definitely not okay. Each time i read an exits name i would burst out uncontrollable giggles at the curiosity of the word parvin. I said to myself par van the clerk almo. I said in a deep movie announcer voice like homo clay co lo oh. When did the xs around here. It's so weird is ahead. I reminded myself but then i saw a new sign pleasant valley i saying oh that's the soothing name pleasant hey nikki. I think you're drunk said a voice from somewhere inside my head. I never been drunk before. Never even had an alcoholic beverage before has a matter of fact and of course as an unaccompanied driver with no oh so phone. I was unable to confirm my suspicion my best guest though was that drinking so much lighter kane on an empty stomach had gotten to my head head once again i judged that the best thing to do would be to just keep deriving north and get home as quickly and safely as possible especially now that i was in familiar territory i gave myself a figurative slap in the face and kept my opinions to myself for the rest of the ride which which became easier as the exit turned from unusual words to rural highway numbers with exception of quick chuckle when i got to sixty nine highway. I managed to make it to the house in one piece. I called my mother from our landline to let her know i'd gotten home and that i hadn't gotten the probe and that the nurse i had inadvertently got me wasted before driving me home. We laughed about it dismissing it as a curious incident for reasons. I can't fathom adam. We didn't notify anyone about what had happened. We had nearly forgotten about the incident and my ill advised choices. Along the way when an envelope derived from the doctor's office inside was the check. My mother had left for the ten dollar co-pay since i never ended up getting the probe. They never cashed to check to this day. I contend that they should have given the ten dollars and then some sweet patient nurse for her trouble. Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed the story let me know and share it with your friends. Follow me at kris k. k. aria on twitter order or kris k. kepler on facebook or check out my website w._w._w. Dot chris kepler dot com..